Geese is the word

It seems the Windermere Canada Geese cull is set to go ahead, despite the best efforts of a Rock God.

Queen’s Brian May was also involved, but I am, of course, referring to Bill Oddie. It seems that even the rampant genius of the man that wrote “Funky Gibbon” can’t prevent it now...

Apparently, Canada Geese have become a bit of a problem for Windermere. I did recently see a gaggle of them mug an old lady and pinch her trolley thingy with wheels, before joyriding down the hill into Bowness, so clearly they are a bit of a menace.

It seems they’ve REALLY upset some people though, who have now got a group together whose sole function is to get angry about Canada Geese. That sounds a lot like my “Fearne Cotton Killed Top Of The Pops And I’m Still Quite Angry About It” Society, but the less said about that the better.

The group is made up of the Lake District National Park Authority and a variety of Farmers, Land-owners are (assumingly) people who got a bit frightened of a Goose when they tried to feed the ducks as a child. They’ve decided it’s time to do something about the honking gaggle (quite pleased with that, actually!) and are currently determinedly letting everyone know that they can neither confirm or deny how they’re going to do it.

There is persuasive evidence that the Goosey Goosey Ganders (and the lady Geese – I failed my ornithology badge in Scouts) have caused problems, such as polluting the water and causing algal blooms (I think I saw them at a club in Reading once), scoffing crops, eating lambs, trampling reed beds, smoking, hanging around on street corners, swearing, spitting, honking and not putting the cap back on the toothpaste tube, or replacing the loo roll when they’ve used it up.

The counter argument is fairly simple. Killing them isn’t very nice, now is it? I’m hoping one of the recent protesters used a placard saying “honk if you think I’m sexy”, but if not, I hereby give my permission for you to use it. It could also have some other unpleasant results, apart from upset bird lovers, and threats from the RSPCA to it’s legality. Quite a few organisations are asking their members to boycott the Lake District as a result of this decision, which could well be bad for our local economy at a time when lovely tourists and their smashing, fat, wallets are most welcome.

So here’s a tricky question. Did the last decade work a bit like as follows?

Year 1: Ooo, look! Canada Geese. Aw... they’ve got babies! Sweeeeeet!

Year 2: Ahhh, the babies are all grown up now. Isn’t that nice. And there’s some more....

Year 3: Golly, there does seem to be more again this year. Aren’t they doing well?!

Year 4: Crikey. There really are quite a lot this year. Somebody ought to do something about that.

Year 5: Well, honestly. I was only saying the other year that I thought somebody ought to do something about it! There’s loads of them!
Year 6: Right. That’s it. We’ve got to do something about this. It’s getting silly now.

Year 7: I can’t see my lawn any more. We should definitely do something this year.

Year 8: They plucked a cow out of that field and flew off with it! I’m bloody outraged! Right. That’s the last straw!

Year 9: There are so many of them, I’ve had to move house, no-one’s sure if the lake is even there any more, and when they flap their wings at the same time it causes earthquakes. Gah! I’m definitely doing something about it now!

This year: Shall we shoot a few, do you think....?

I’ve got an idea... why don’t we ask them what part of America they’re from?

That usually causes most Canadians to flounce off in a huff....

(Apparently, I have somehow dodged eviction yet again, and now reside in the final four of Big Blogger. You could knock me down with a feather. If it was 6 feet tall and made of something heavyish. Thank you! I am truly amazed and grateful to everyone who has visited and read my posts, and to those who have added comments and offered encouragement. The Doctor says you should be fine again in a few weeks. Working from the logical standpoint that I won’t be here next week – Ta ra. It’s been fun!

This blog post appeared yesterday as an entry in the North West Evening Mail's "Big Blogger" competition. Do me a favour - click on this link to view it on their website, please? Thanks to your clicks, I've made it through to the final 4! Another person gets eliminated next Monday... Probably me, but... y'know... hint hint.