grumpyf1

Formula 1 roars back into the lives of armchair motorsport fans this weekend, with the first race of 2019 taking place in Australia on Sunday. If you’ve paid up to watch the races on Sky, congratulations – you get all of the races live, and an extra Button too, with the former F1 champion, Jenson, joining their presenting line up. If, like me, you’ll be watching it on Channel 4... well, there’s less to be excited about. Only the British GP will be live, as a deal signed by former F1 supremo Bernie Ecclestone kicks in, giving Sky the rights to show all other races exclusively live in the UK. Instead, Channel 4 will have highlights only. Cue the tricky task of trying to avoid picking up your phone, turning on the laptop, or watching TV/listening to the radio for half a day after the race has finished, to try and avoid an unwelcome “and the winner was...” situation. Plus, some awkward late-night timeslots. Formula when..?! Sky’s big promo film also conspicuously used Fleetwood M...

Being a Formula 1 fan has been tough the last few years. Same team winning all the time. Tyre management. Vettel swearing at everything. Yes, saying you’re a fan of Formula 1 often feels like you’re admitting to stealing underwear off washing lines (that wasn’t me though, honestly). People look at with a mixture of amazement, horror and sympathy. Why would you do that? Surely not for fun? You need some kind of help. The Mercedes team have dominated for the last few years, and whilst 2016 gave us a decent battle between their two drivers, no-one else was really in with a shout. Everyone complained endlessly about having to drive cautiously to stop their tyres wearing out too soon. Former champions were reduced to pedalling cars that were either slow and fragile (Alonso and Button’s McLarens) or dogged by poor strategy calls and a propensity to get into any accident going (Vettel & Raikkonen’s Ferraris). 2017’s season kicks off this weekend in Australia, and there are reaso...

What do you call two silver things that cost millions of pounds and keep crashing into each other? The Mercedes Formula 1 team. You’re right – that isn’t funny. Which is exactly how team boss Toto Wolff saw it when Nico Rosberg ‘forgot’ to turn into the corner on the last lap of the Austrian Grand Prix last week, causing his team-mate to crash into him on the very last lap. A sure-fire 1-2 finish turned into an acrimonious 4-1, as Hamilton took the win from Rosberg, and the chastened culprit limped home with a damaged car. Sure, it’s not exactly the world’s biggest problem, as the drivers remain 1st and 2nd in the championship title hunt, and the team themselves are comfortably leading the constructors’ table. But it does highlight a problem for them that refuses to go away; If these two highly-paid racers can’t play nicely, and the other teams catch up a little, they could well start taking each other out of two races – the one on the track, and the one for the title. And w...

A weekend of frantic sporting activity beckons, as I try to decide if I’ve got enough time to nip off and make another cuppa without missing any coverage of the British Grand Prix. For someone whose sporting knowledge outside of Formula 1 means knowing “there’s some tennis thing on”, it’s a very special weekend, as many of the UK’s F1 teams face their most arduous travelling experience of the year. In some cases, this logistical nightmare entails as much as half a mile’s journey, all the way to the Silverstone Circuit in Nottinghamshire. Having made the journey once myself, I can confirm that you do have to get up before you went to bed to ensure a good viewing point, and it is possible to get a sun-tan on one side of your body only - which is a useful conversation point if you run out of things to talk to colleagues about on Monday after they’ve got over the shock of how much you willingly paid for a T-shirt covered in sponsor logos. Whilst the season so far has largely featu...

It may only feel like last week that the Formula 1 season finished but, after a break so short the engines are probably still warm, it’s back this weekend. Much has happened off-track during the ever-decreasing winter break, including World Champion Lewis Hamilton winning the BBC TV Sports Personality of the Year award and having photos of himself plastered all over his Twitter account looking moody, stylish, and fashionable in shots so posed you could get a couple of quick laps of Monaco in whilst his entourage figured out if the lighting was flattering enough. The Caterham and Marussia teams went bust, got resurrected, went into receivership, were having their assets auctioned off (which sounds painful) , being brought out, saved, optimistic about the future and doomed, and all that before Christmas. The end result is that Caterham didn’t make it, whilst Marussia are now Manor and ready to roll with a hastily altered car from last year. Assuming the paint has dried in time, and...

Whilst that impossibly young German chap Sebastien Vettel won a 3rd straight title in his Red Bull rocket-on-wheels last year, he had his toughest battle for the title so far, which sets us up really rather nicely for a high octane blast around Melbourne on Sunday. 2014 sees seismic changes to the F1 rulebook, involving much smaller engines, dramatically less fuel available, all sorts of clever-clogs energy recovery shenanigans, turbos, and the possibility that the familiar scream of the cars flat out might sound more like as asthmatic wasp in a particularly large tin. Before that, we get to see if Fernando Alonso can finally get a title in his Ferrari and tame his eyebrows, if Jenson Button can do the same as the main man at McLaren whilst continuing to be extremely laid back, if Lewis Hamilton has a chance now he’s swapped to Mercedes and started getting tattoos and dressing like a ‘gangsta’, or if any of the other peddlers of the world’s most expensive go karts can do the sa...

I’m guessing a lot of us had a wish-list heading into the last race of the season. With Seb 13 points ahead, it probably involved rain, a shunt/spin that dropped Vettel down the order, a great race by Alonso, some more rain, crashes, more rain and whole heap of tension. Maybe with a British winner. And some rain. Don’t expect much for Christmas – it looks like all our wishes came true early, in a breathtaking race to finish off a pretty stunning year. Qualifying took place on a drying track, with Grosjean dropping out in Q1 after a dopey tangle with Karthikeyan, and Hamilton grabbing pole from Button. The title protagonists were 4th (Seb) and 8th (Nando) respectively, each with their team-mate outqualifying them. The Gods of F1 luck smiled on Fernando again, as 8th became 7th after Maldonad’oh got a penalty for (you’ll like this) failing to go to the weighbridge – this isn’t a penalty in itself, but it does get you a reprimand. Enough reprimands and you get a penalty. D’oh. ...

Is it safe to look now? Wowzers - I haven't been that excited since seeing Sheena Easton live. Crap... did I just type that? Erm... I meant... AC/DC. Yeah. *cough* Anyway... what a race! A thriller from start to finish, and it could have been such a different outcome. If Vettel had gained a puncture in that tangle, we'd probably be looking at Alonso as World Champion instead. Congratulations to Jenson for again keeping it cool to take the win. Phew - I need to go for a lie-down in a darkened room. But first, you'll be wanting to know the Fantasy Formula 1 race results...   RACE RESULT     Position Name Points 1 Kristin 81 2 Ollie C 76 3 Olie B 75 4 Andy 74 =5 Cally 68 =5 Claire 68 =7 Stephen H 67 =7 Martin...