grumpyf1

Evenin' all. How the devil are you? Really? Ooh. Nasty. Time once more for some random Fantasy Formula 1 stuff, to conclude out extended, red button, uber-coverage of the Chinese GP. In High Def. And Dolby 5.1 Surround Sound. With a flake on top. Naughty corner: Whoever/whatever cocked-up Schumi’s chances of being on the podium by fumbling the wheel nut during his pitstop. Hero: It can only be the blonde bombshell himself, Britney Rosberg. After all this time, when it came together for him, it REALLY came together! Fantasy Formula 1 driver of the day was Rosberg, with 26 points. Mark E manages race number 3 at the head of table, but the chasing pack is closing in. Can he keep it up...? Front to back gap – 455 points. That’s quite a large number, isn’t it? In the FF1 World Championship, the best driver so far is in fact two of them... and it’s not who you might think. Alonso and Perez are joint leaders so far, with Massa the worst driver to have pick...

I still have no idea how the Mercedes tricksy DRS thing does what it does. Feed air from the rear wing... through the car... so it makes the front wing work better. At 200mph... Nope. No idea. Nor, apparently, did Lotus, who made an attempt to get it banned prior to the race, but with no effect. I suspect the stewards had no idea how it does it either, and it’s hard to say something is breaking the rules when you’ve got no idea what it’s actually doing.   The complicated Bahrain GP saga continued, with the FIA and Bernie proclaiming it fine and safe to go to, seemingly conveniently avoiding the whole issue of people get killed whilst protesting, which is what folks are actually upset about. Can sport be entirely free from politics? Should F1 avoid all countries with a dodgy human rights record? (That’s dodgy human rights record, as opposed to dodgy Human League record. With the first, people have to contend with scary stuff from people with strange haircuts and a dang...

Good evening to you. But not you - that was very rude, and if you do it again, I'm telling my Mum. It's time once more for the collection of leftovers from the Chinese GP, starting off with the slightly too-salty bubble and squeak that is: The driver and team stats! Congratulations to Henry and Nigel, who barge into the top three high scores of the season so far with  96 and 91 points apiece. At the other end of the spectrum, Heather goes from leading Fantasy F1 to bagging just 4 points in two races. Oh dearie me. But not on Tuesdays. Naughty corner? Crikey - it was a bit busy, but I guess Jaime's pit crew for causing him to be the only retirement of the race. Hero? Got to be Webber, for hauling it all the way to a podium finish from 18th, and without KERS too. The top three drivers so far are Vettel with 71, Webber on 67 (up 3) and Hamilton with 51 (up 2). Heidfeld and Button drop out of the top three. Maldonado and Perez are the only drivers not to have scored ...

Before this race, I predicted that Vettel would win, Webber would stick it in a gravel trap and that the Safety Car would get it's first outing of the year. Still, nought out of three is... Yeah, you're right. Utter crap. One thing I can say with confidence though - what a great race the 2011 Chinese Grand Prix was! Qualifying turned out to be a shocker for Webber in a season where, after just 2 races, things already looked to be going badly for the man you'd least like to admit to that you'd just scratched his car. I've seen that look before - someone usually loses a limb when someone looks that annoyed. After yet more KERS issues and a dopey decision to run on the harder tyres, he was out in Q1. A good example of the argument that says you shouldn't put both you drivers out at the same time then caused Heidfeld's untimely departure in Q2. His team-mate, "Areroflot" Petrov conked out after putting in a great lap, and left everyone else with jus...

Breaking News: Jenson Button has been arrested after being found trying on Sebastien Vettel's underpants. Fantastic race today in China, and great coverage from the BBC and commentary from Brundle & Coulthard. Nice work guys. And now, a special report on Fantasy Formula 1 from our reporter: Me. First up, the scores for this race... And the all-important running totals: I'll be back shortly with a race report. And now, a message from our sponsor. (grumpyf1 would like to thank Tangerine Dream for their CD "Canyon Cazuma", without which the creation of these results would have been... er... less ambient.)

At this point in the F1 season in 2009, Jenson Button was leading the championship. Fast forward a year and the story is the same. But what's more surprising is that Button now has 2 wins driving for McLaren whilst Hamilton has none. Lewis is becoming so desperate to emulate his older (and wiser?) team-mate, he's even taken to growing a daft beard. Give it up Lewis - you look like you rested your chin on a freshly painted table. China saw not only Jenson win again, but the Red Bull team once more score a pole (this time with Vettel) only to see it slip away, with Seb only managing 6th and Webber 8th. And what a race it was - rain coming and going and two safety car periods, plus the new Red Baron (step forward Fernando.. Oh, you already have) getting a start that was just a bit too nippy for the stewards. Mind you, 4 pit stops and a drive-through penalty still saw him finish in 4th, so it wasn't exactly a wasted afternoon. Hamilton and Vettel tried to drive along the same b...