grumpyf1

It's very quiet on the roads today, isn't it? “...and that’s why this particular budgie won’t be dancing on the ceiling any time soon. And now it’s over to Simon for the weather.” “Thanks, Kirsty. Your forecast for the weekend, then – Saturday will be cloudy, with sudden cataclysmic outbreaks of rain, whilst Sunday looks even worse, with a high chance of apocalyptic conditions throughout the day, and a light south easterly breeze. Temperatures around normal for the time of year. The outlook for next week? Well, in one word – Biblical. So, not looking great, Kirsty!” “No indeed, Simon. Definitely not barbeque weather – unless you can strap it to a canoe. If you survive, see you on Monday. Goodnight!” OK, so that might seem a tad far-fetched, but according to the Met Office, there’s a significantly increased risk of winter downpours, which they’re cheerily describing as “unprecedented”. By chucking a large amount of data into a supercomputer and waiting for a bit, the...

You might remember that I’m attempting to learn something (other than where the best cat videos are on YouTube, obviously) and took up studying in the summer. If going back to education after a 30 year gap is like riding a bike again, then I’ve fallen off, scraped my knees and had several punctures whilst wobbling around violently. The last six months have seen me careering without brakes towards an exam, which seemed fairly scary until last Wednesday, when I travelled to Manchester to take it, and it became really hideously scary. Apparently, exams aren’t nearly frightening enough on their own nowadays, and some initiative tests have been introduced to ensure maximum stress levels before you pick up your pen. On arrival, the main entrance had a notice on it, saying that exam victims needed to use an entrance on another street. After eventually locating that, it was time to find the hall on floor K. After a few long seconds of blinking rapidly at an array of buttons, it turne...

The atrocious weather of just a week ago brought home the pressing need to come up with an economic and effective way to prevent flooding.  Fear not – I have a solution! To say it was a bit damp last weekend would be an understatement similar in magnitude to me saying I’m receding a teensy bit. So heavy was the rain that it wouldn’t have been a surprise to hear a report of otters calling it a day and heading for somewhere dry indoors, preferably with under-floor heating. Whilst many people and their homes were affected, it appears that overall we had a very near miss, with towns such as Kendal escaping serious flooding by a matter of a few watery inches. Although it seems we are temporarily through with the intense liquid onslaught, the now waterlogged ground once again leaves us at the mercy of any impending low pressure wandering into the area with prolonged downpours on it’s cloudy mind. In an attempt to try and come up with a solution to this problem, I had a brai...