grumpyf1

Staring at one of those spinning images on my computer screen, whilst something was loading (or was it? You’re never really sure, are you?), I started pondering how much of my life I’d spent doing just that. And it got me thinking. Of course, once upon a time, in the dim, distant, dark ages of computing (so any time prior to last year, then), a spinning loading image was a handy pointer that you had enough time to pop off and make a cuppa, do a spot of hoovering, and – depending upon the complexity of whatever it was trying to load – maybe even have lunch. Not now though. Things have moved so fast, that loading times have been dramatically reduced, so we need only spend seconds waiting. What was once considered miraculously brief is now considered more lethargic that anaesthetised sloth. But I’ve done the calculations, and I reckon I see that little spinning thing, in all it’s varied forms, at least a dozen times a day. Say... 5 seconds on average. That’s a minute a day. Doesn...

I sometimes find myself pondering entirely random things. I say “sometimes” – what I mean is “constantly”. And when I say “pondering” I really mean “failing to function as a normal human being whilst daydreaming about...” Here’s a few of this week’s strange brain-sneezes, some of which have escaped as actual words, causing startled friends and colleagues to back away slowly, whilst maintaining eye contact and smiling. Olympics closing ceremony and Spice Girls on top of taxis. Be honest – would anyone really have been upset if the driver of the car with Posh on top had “accidentally” stabbed the brake pedal a bit too hard? Don’t say you weren’t thinking about it. Manners from a 3 year old. I had the pleasure of meeting a charming young lady for the first time on Saturday. Whilst we were having dinner, I asked her a question, and she pointed at her mouth, whilst staring me in the eye and continuing to munch her food. Apparently, you’re not supposed to talk with your mou...

You know your week is off to a bad start when you get hassle from youir breakfast. Having purchased a whopping 1kg box of Mr Kelloggs finest corn flakes (and accepted the fact that the box is just too sodding big to fit in a cupboard) there's just the small matter of getting into the box. "Slide finger under flap" normally induces fits of laughter from 12 year old boys, but in this instance is more likely to give you a nasty cut. Sharp, cardboardy edges? Dried shards of gluey stuff? No thanks. I use the flat side of a knife. Haveing (moderately) successfully cleared the first hurdle, I calmly gripped the plastic inner bag and pulled at the opposing sides as usual, expecting the seam at the top to open up at one end, thus providing a handy flakey chutey thing to gently guide my nourishing brekkie towards it's milky resting place. Sadly, it just tore straight down both sides instead. Bearing in mind that 1kg is a LOT of corn flakes, I will be aiming for the bowl and spr...