grumpyf1

Five v Four You’d have been a brave F1 fan to have bet against Lewis Hamilton winning the Formula One World Championship last Sunday in Mexico. He’d almost managed it the previous weekend, and arrived in Mexico in the comfortable position of only needing to finish seventh to bag the trophy, even if his rival, Sebastian Vettel, won the race. As it turned out, it was a challenging race for the British star for a rare change, and Vettel came reasonably close to winning. Hamilton might not have stood on the podium, but his fourth place was enough for him to be crowned a five time champion. That 5th title really is something special, putting him on equal footing with the great Juan Manuel Fangio from the sport’s early days, and bettered only by Michael Schumacher’s seven titles. I may not be Hamilton’s biggest fan, but even I have to concede that what he’s achieved is something genuinely special... even if he does have a silly haircut and some questionable fashion sense. Is th...

I’m guessing a lot of us had a wish-list heading into the last race of the season. With Seb 13 points ahead, it probably involved rain, a shunt/spin that dropped Vettel down the order, a great race by Alonso, some more rain, crashes, more rain and whole heap of tension. Maybe with a British winner. And some rain. Don’t expect much for Christmas – it looks like all our wishes came true early, in a breathtaking race to finish off a pretty stunning year. Qualifying took place on a drying track, with Grosjean dropping out in Q1 after a dopey tangle with Karthikeyan, and Hamilton grabbing pole from Button. The title protagonists were 4th (Seb) and 8th (Nando) respectively, each with their team-mate outqualifying them. The Gods of F1 luck smiled on Fernando again, as 8th became 7th after Maldonad’oh got a penalty for (you’ll like this) failing to go to the weighbridge – this isn’t a penalty in itself, but it does get you a reprimand. Enough reprimands and you get a penalty. D’oh. ...

Two years ago, this team were World Champions, after resurrecting the abandoned Honda Team. They did do a brilliant job but, lest we forget, that car was designed by Honda with their multi-million pound input and years of experience. The slow tail-off in performance over 2009 highlighted Brawn's slip from the pinnacle once left to their own devices. Last year, having been brought out by Mercedes, the slip continued, although they managed to be comfortably the 4th best team after the title contenders. Even with Michael Schumacher driving. And yes, that does still sound weird. Schuey was disappointing last year. He's still a bloody good driver, but was comprehensively outshone by Britney in the other car. Princess Nico was very good though, and the car clearly didn't suit Michael. Things move fast in F1, and the lack of testing available clearly hampered the 7 times World Champ. So 2011 is crunch time for Michael, Mercedes and, to a lesser extent, Rosberg. Michael needs...

As none of these stories seemed to warrant a full article (and frankly I'm just plain lazy), here's a news round-up from the last few days, Jenwis-style.... BIT OF WILLY The Williams team are considering selling shares, but not to raise funds. Eh? Seriously though - who wouldn't want to own a share in one of the most highly respected F1 teams ever? How much, Frank...? SICKLY SCHUMI It's fair to say that his questionable ethics have sometime made viewers pretty sick, not to mention Rubens. But apparently, the Schu-meister gets all giddy and poorly when driving an F1 simulator. Slight drawback that. although apparently it's not a problem at all. Of course not. Take some travel sickness pills (those funny tasting pink ones) and get on with it, Michael. NEW FERRARI They didn't manage to come first in anything last year, but by way of consolation, Ferrari will be the first team to launch their new car this season... TOMORROW! Stand by for me to be over-ex...

The monobrowed one has come out and said he thinks his biggest rival next year will be the stretching-the-boundaries-of-reasonable-behaviour German one. (Alonso, Schumacher, in case that wasn't completely bleedin' obvious.) Well, they're possibly the two drivers in F1 at the moment who cause the largest amount of raised eyebrows and debate when their names are mentioned, particularly when it comes to "playing fair". Alonso did qualify his statement by adding that Schuey would be his biggest threat if he had a decent car. Is that the case though? Nando's statement seems to imply a supreme confidence that he'll be at the front next year - not an altogether unreasonable assumption, but a bit arrogant maybe. He was nearly right about being able to win last year's title when seemingly completely out of it mid-season, though. But, assuming Ferrari, McLaren, Red Bull and Mercedes all have fairly equal cars (Ooh, I've started drooling), won't Ve...

And they say that F1 is humour-free. Actually, to be fair, I haven't heard anyone say that, so I take it back. It does take itself a bit seriously sometimes though. Good to know, then, that someone in the uber-sterile Merc team decided to update Mr. Rosberg's passport with a new photo before he attempted to leave Abu Dhabi. Know to fellow drivers as Britney, I'm guessing it seemed the only logical thing to do. I quite fancied him anyway.... did I just say that out loud? Oops. *blush* No-one has owned up. Hang on... wasn't Schuey looking particularly smiley this season?! Surely not... (NP on the cassettograph this chilly Cumbrian evening is Tom Petty's 99 album "Echo".)

It's not a bluff this time - that really is the new Mercedes car, not an old Brawn with a paint-job. Looks the business, doesn't it? Liking those wacky wing mirrors! Ooh, I'm feeling a Grumpy pre-season preview coming on. Either that or I've eaten too much chocolate again and it's an almighty sugar rush which will probably mean I'll just keep typing and typing and typing without pausing to use pounctiuation or anything and without woprryinmg abiut wether I'm making horredous spelling mistakes and so forth. Gasp. Actually, it's both. Mighty fine pedigree the Merc - last year it won both titles under the guise of the genius of Ross Brawn (banana, anyone?). Ross is very, very, VERY good and sure knows how to organise a team, but let us remember that last year's car was designed under the considerable funding of Honda. This year's car was designed pre-Mercedes buying out the team. At a rough calculation, that means they've had a veritable shed-lo...

The Mercedes team launched their new car today. Only they didn't. For some inexplicable reason, they chose to show-off their new drivers, Rosberg (nice hair) and Schumacher (nice stare), and a car in the new livery, which is going to have me thinking it's the McLaren for the first part of the season. Only it wasn't a new car. It was last year's Brawn,a couple of cans of RAL 9006 and some stickers. Quite why they did this is anybody's guess - they are due to launch the actual car later this week. Mind you, isn't it all just a bit of a gimmick anyway? All the teams will avoid putting any particularly clever bit on display for as long as possible, and they will all revise the cars after they start testing. Crikey - did I just talk myself out of a grumble? What's wrong with me?! (Filling the cans tonight - Mike Oldfield's "Tubular Bells II" Live)

That didn't take long then - Schumi is playing the mental power games already. Under the somewhat weird car numbering system in Formula 1, Button gets 1 because he's World Champ. Hamilton gets number 2, not because he was the previous Champ or anything remotely clever like that. Oh No. He gets it because he's Jenson's team mate. Anyway, because they were the Championship winning constructor, Brawn (now Mercedes) get 3 and 4. Because Nico Rosberg was first driver announced, he got 3. Schumi gets 4. But not any more. Apparently, he doesn't like racing in even numbered cars. So he's pulled rank, and bagged the 3 instead. This would of course have absolutely NOTHING to do with it being a higher number than 4, psychologically. Definitely not. No way. Nuh-uh. He's back everyone! And he's already being arsey! (I can't tell you what's playing tonight. You'd laugh.)

Apparently "the" bookies have announced who the great unwashed masses have currently predicted will be the top three in the 2010 F1 championship, assumingly by bunging their hard-earned spendo at said makers of books. According to them, the newly KittyCatDoll-free Hamilton will be World Champ, with Alonso second and Schumacher third. What... no-one thinks Button might win it again? Or Massa?! Vettel even? Blimey. (Today's audio-cassette tape tunes are courtesy of Peter Gabriel's 1992 album, "Us")

Nico Rosberg has apparently said that he will get equal treatment from Mercedes. The "other" driver at Mercedes is Michael Schumacher. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Haaaaaaaa!!!!! Thanks Nico - nice one. (Currently grooving to the inexplicably long-titled track by the Cross, "Love Lies Bleeding (She Was A Wicked, Wily Waitress)".)