grumpyf1

Sorry, WHO are you..? Considering she fell out of an exploding TARDIS back in the spring, it’s taken the new Doctor Who a long time to crash onto our TV screens. Jodie Whittaker, taking over the role from Peter Capaldi, certainly did arrive with a bang, crashing through the roof of a train before post-regeneration befuddlement saw her surprised by her new gender and unclear what to call her own tongue. Her dramatic entrance was preceded by a handy introduction to the characters that are set to be The Doctor’s companions on her adventures as the thirteenth incarnation of the two-hearted timelord. If, like me, you were hanging on for a new version of the theme tune and opening title sequence, then it appears you’ll have to wait until this Sunday - The episode ran the full hour before bothering with tune or graphics. Happily the first outing, under the direction of new boss Chris Chibnall, soon helped you forget about the missing theme, with a twisty tale of a tooth-faced alie...

"Hello, I..." [SOUNDS OF RANTING] Doctor Who, the 13th Doctor – Episode 1. “Invasion of the Manbabies”. Starring Jodie Whittaker.  CONFIDENTIAL – NOT TO BE RELEASED.  Scene 1 - Interior, TARDIS.  Doctor : Wow, this regeneration business is rough, but I feel like a new man! Assistant : Woman. Doctor: Eh? (Looks down) Crikey, I wasn’t expecting THIS! Assistant : Really? Everybody else was. Doctor : Didn’t you get killed off at the end of the last series, by the way? Cybermen or something similar? Assistant : No, that was the gay one. I’m the androgynous, gender-fluid one. Doctor : Strange, I don’t remember you. You know you’re... green, right? And have antennae?  Assistant : Of course, and they’re not antennae. (The Assistant winks with one of their three eyes.) Doctor : Crikey! (pause) I think I might use that as a catchphrase. Assistant : It’s not as good as “Geronimo” or “Alonsee”. Doctor : Do you have a name, then? Assistant : Yes, it...

[INTERNET MELTS] Doctor Who, the 13th Doctor – Episode 1. “Invasion of the Manbabies”. Starring Jodie Whittaker. CONFIDENTIAL – NOT TO BE RELEASED. Scene: Interior, TARDIS. Doctor : Wow, this regeneration business is rough, but I feel like a new man! (Looks down) Crikey, I wasn’t expecting THIS! Assistant : Really? Everybody else was. Doctor : Strange, I don’t remember you. Nice antennae! Assistant : They’re not antennae. (Assistant winks.) Doctor : Crikey! (TARDIS alarm chimes ominously. Everything looks shaky whilst the Doctor and Assistant cling to the console.) Doctor : Ooo, exciting! I think we’re crashing! CRIKEY! Scene: Exterior shot of TARDIS . Door opens and the Doctor and Assistant stumble out. Sounds of angry mob approaching.  Doctor : I haven’t even had time to change – these Y-fronts are bloody uncomfortable. Who are these people anyway? Assistant : Oh, no – Doctor, it’s the Manbabies! (A portly white male approaches – 50ish, balding, weari...

If you don’t like Doctor Who, then there’s something seriously wrong with you. Maybe you should see a Doctor. Unless you’ve been caught in some kind of temporal distortion (or the pub – it’s hard to spot the difference sometimes), you can’t have failed to notice the overload of all things TARDIS related invading your TV, like some kind of badly dressed alien invasion. After documentaries about it’s early days, in-depth analysis of the top 10 enemies of the time-travelling do-gooder, and more appearances in the media than the cast of The Only Way Is Essex on overtime, tomorrow night sees the culmination of Who Fever, as the 50th Anniversary episode airs at 7.50pm. And not just on your humble tellybox in the UK either. It’ll be going out simultaneously in 200 countries, to a potential audience of 100 million viewers. Where anyone has been foolish enough to purchase a 3D TV, they’ll be able to enjoy Matt Smith, David Tennant and John Hurt waving themselves (and the special effec...