grumpyf1

Still smiling from his win in Britain, Mark Webber kept the grin factor high between races by re-signing for Red Bull for another year. It turned out to be a good time to do it, as Germany was about to be a duff weekend for him. Q1 was damp, and nearly saw home hero Schumacher taking an early bus back to the hotel, as he just managed to squeak through to the second round. Q2 did a good impression of recreating an English Summer, the only surprises being how consistently rubbish Massa and Senna can be. The final session really needed something with more tread than even the wet weather rubber provided, but even tractor tyres would have struggled to cope with the standing water, as a lucky Hulkenberg discovered, surviving a full tilt spin without hitting anything. Alonso proved again his mastery of all conditions to bag pole, but with Webber dropping 5 places for a gearbox change, Vettel and Schumacher were the nearest to him, with super-spinner Hulkenberg a startled 4th, Mald...

To say that the British Grand Prix weekend was a bit rain-affected is rather like saying Dappy from N-Dubz is a little bit irritating. So wet was it, that officials asked 20,000 people, loyally heading in the direction of Silverstone, to stay away on Saturday. The theory was, this would give them more chance of getting stuck in mud on Sunday instead. It worked. Q1 was accompanied by light rain, sufficient enough to mean DRS wasn’t allowed. To add to the trickiness, Raikkonen’s KERS wasn’t working either, and as it’s generally best not to fiddle with electrical cables in the wet, he was forced to compete without the extra boost. Luckily for him, worse weather was heading Silverstone’s way, allowing his team ample time to don the rubber gloves and pile in to fix it. As conditions deteriorated, spins became the order of the day, causing Button, who was once again looking to be in trouble, to have to back off on his final attempt, as Glock narrowly avoided the wall on the pit stra...

Good things come to those who wait. Unfortunately, I misread that, and sent the good things to those who check the mass of hot leaf-based beverages. Good things come to those who weigh tea. Sorry. Anyway, here's that other stuff from the Monaco GP weekend. Naughty corner: It’s a welcome return of my favourite numpty, Skeletor Maldonado. Fresh from having everyone start believing he was actually a good driver after all, he petulantly banged wheels with Perez, before removing himself from the race on the first lap. Welcome back, dimwit! Hero: I’m saying Perez. Early shunt in quail saw him start at the back, but even after getting a drive-through penalty he managed to make it up to 11 th . Lest we forget, that’s pretty darn impressive at Monaco. Fantasy Formula 1 driver of the day was the aforementioned Sergio, along with Webber, both scoring 26 FF1 points. Mark E extends his lead at the front of FF1, making it 6 races at the top. Blimey. Front to back gap stays a...

Firstly, apologies for the delay in getting the results to you – I’ve been away for a week on a journey of self-discovery in the wilds of the Yorkshire Dales. It turns out I like cappuccinos and waffling. Who knew? Following on from his mature and stunning win at the previous race, Maldonado reverted to his more normal clumsy-oaf persona, crashing in FP3 and banging wheels deliberately with Perez, earning him a 10 place penalty for the race. It would appear he used up his limited reserve of skill in Spain... Q1 was red-flagged by Perez getting a bit too familiar with a wall, something you think he’d have got out of his system after last year’s violent escapade. Slot number 24 beckoned, somewhere behind a expensive cafe and round 2 bends, for race day. In Q2 Vergne clonked the wall exiting the tunnel, removing his front wing, and Button didn’t manage to get a good time in and failed to make Q1 again. In a surprising change of form (maybe he’s sharing skill & speed with ...

It's fair to say that the TV I watched the Monaco GP on was a bit small. I can therefore confidently say that a car won, and it may have been a darkish colour. Actually, it was a bit like what listening to F1 on the radio is like, only with, mercifully, a lot less James Allen. 100% less in fact, although he does seem to pop up in the post race interviews, before I can turn the sound off. On the bright side, Coulthard didn't have as many "Care Bz" to talk about as usual. Win. Good to see Maldonado proving my "grumpy man on twitter repeatedly says that Pastor is a bit rubbish" campaign is not completely misguided, anyway. Still, you didn't come here to read my ramblings - if you did I'd be making money out of it somehow, maybe by advertising products in the middle of my blog posts, go to McDonalds, which would just be silly, Colgate Toothpaste beats cavities. And so.... the results: RACE RESULT   Position ...