Almost as quickly as you can say “If I
see Vettel waving that damn finger again I’m going to break it off and shove it
up his exhaust flange” it’s nearly time for another year of Formula 1. Who
punched the new cars in the face and broke their noses, eh?
In
case you’re one of those footballerists, or can’t see the point of 24 cars
going round and round very quickly, then permit me to make a feeble attempt to
convert you. Whilst I may worship at the temple of speed, I know a lot of you
can’t understand what the fuss is all about.
24
overpaid, ridiculously young blokes driving very quickly in cars – you could do
that, right? You’re pretty handy round the Asda car park on a Saturday morning,
so how hard can it be?
Quite
hard actually. Imagine doing an extreme workout, whilst sitting in a sauna,
wearing a duvet. Don’t try it - It’s not nice and it makes you very unpopular
with other sauna users. Especially if you’re in the ladies only-one.
Apparently, I’m not welcome any more.
F1
drivers have to deal with that, and also manage to carve out mistake-free lap
times mere hundredths of a second different, for lap after lap, whilst handling
their state of the art 200mph missiles and avoiding hitting the other 23 chaps
(Lewis Hamilton wasn’t so good at that last part in 2011).
The
cars now have exotic-sounding kit to help the drivers overtake, such as KERS
and DRS. Or are they the ones with a permanent sale who sell sofas? DFS? Right
– sorry. Whilst purists might disagree with the artificial nature of these
things, you’ll have them on your road car before you know it – but with
slightly fewer sponsors stickers, or the pop-star girlfriend.
At
the end of the day (to scrounge a term from the foot balls), it is the drivers
who create the spectacle. Sure, bag yourself the best missile, and you’re in
with a better chance, but they do make the difference, and I can’t wait until
the weekend, when the Australian Grand Prix kicks off the 20 race season.
There’s
much to look forward to as well. Can Vettel retain his title and make it three
in a row? Can Brits Button and Hamilton get another title? And we have a
further 3 former champions on the grid too, with the 84 year old Michael
Schumacher back again (note: check age before posting), the mono-browed
Spaniard Alonso, and returning Finn Raikkonen, and it’ll be exciting to see if the latter can
put an entire sentence together that isn’t more effective than Nytol...
Team-wise,
Renault are now Lotus, Lotus are now Caterham, Caterham is still in Surrey
(note: check relevance) and Virgin are Marussia. Clear? No... me neither.
Whilst
The Sebulator (as everyone else doesn’t call him) romped away with the title
last season, there were still plenty of epic battles, breath-taking overtaking,
drama, crashes and Nick Heidfeld’s lovely beard. 2012 looks likely to be even
more exciting, but unfortunately less hirsute.
So
all I have to do now is get up early on Sunday for the full, glorious spectacle
on BBC1.
Except
I can’t – The BBC are sharing the coverage with Sky this year. And by ‘sharing’
what they mean is ‘getting less than previously’. So whilst Sky’s dedicated
channel gets the full coverage in High Definition and Surround Sound (plus half
of the BBC’s presenters too), Beeb watchers will get half of the races live,
and a highlights show later in the day for the others.
So
Sunday morning will involve me avoiding, radio, TV, the internet and any form
of human contact.
Same
as usual, then...
(Blimey
– I still seem to be here! Thank you for your continued support and kind
comments. I made you a cake to celebrate, but unfortunately I ate it. That
happens a lot. Better luck next time.)
This blog post appeared yesterday as an entry in the North West Evening Mail's "Big Blogger" competition. Do me a favour - click on this link to view it on their website, please? Thanks to your clicks, I've made it through to the last 6 now! Another person gets eliminated on Monday...
(More ELO. Anyone would think I liked them or something...)
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