grumpyf1

Good to see Lewis doing his RoboHamilton thing again, like a big, spoilt, self-obsessed, arsey, erm... Robot. He's done this before - refuse to show too much emotion, don't get too excited about anything, keep the smiles to a minimum, stick head in sand and hope no-one notices. We noticed. Clearly, something is wrong in Hami-land. Whilst McLaren still seem to be a very good bet indeed, it appears something is making Lewis look elsewhere. Being shown up by Button, perhaps? Believing in his own hype too much? Not winning titles? Whatever it is, I doubt he'll find it at Mercedes. On the plus side, someone else will get a chance in a decent car. I'd like to see Perez in there. That way, McLaren can save on their tyre bill even more and spend it on a smilebotomy for Ron Dennis. Naughty Corner: Seb was a touch naughty, wasn’t he? He’s a very likeable chap, but sometimes we forget he’s an F1 driver: the desire to win sometimes overrules politeness and fair play. He...

I wonder if Lewis has started complaining again yet? What am I thinking? Of course he has. The champagne was probably too cold, or Martin Whitmarsh's nipples were too pointy. Still, nice to see him win, and take a least a few minutes off from the grumblefest - he's starting to make me look like a cheerful person. Naughty corner: Everyone was pretty well behaved, weren’t they? I’ll have to go with Lee Mackenzie’s continuing over-use of the phrase “Just tell us..” on the BBC coverage, which she’s fronting whilst Jake Humphrey nips off to that footballerist thingy. Hero: I’m going with Perez – he made up 12 places to finish on the podium. Good work, Speedy! Fantasy Formula 1 driver of the day was Perez, with a huge 39 points for anyone that picked him. Which none of us did. D’oh. Mark E’s stranglehold on FF1 2012 continues for a 7th race, although his lead has dropped to an achievable 34 points... Front to back gap has crept up again to 444 points. Ouch. Hamil...

Good things come to those who wait. Unfortunately, I misread that, and sent the good things to those who check the mass of hot leaf-based beverages. Good things come to those who weigh tea. Sorry. Anyway, here's that other stuff from the Monaco GP weekend. Naughty corner: It’s a welcome return of my favourite numpty, Skeletor Maldonado. Fresh from having everyone start believing he was actually a good driver after all, he petulantly banged wheels with Perez, before removing himself from the race on the first lap. Welcome back, dimwit! Hero: I’m saying Perez. Early shunt in quail saw him start at the back, but even after getting a drive-through penalty he managed to make it up to 11 th . Lest we forget, that’s pretty darn impressive at Monaco. Fantasy Formula 1 driver of the day was the aforementioned Sergio, along with Webber, both scoring 26 FF1 points. Mark E extends his lead at the front of FF1, making it 6 races at the top. Blimey. Front to back gap stays a...

I can tell if a race is a good one. It’s when I realise my heart is beating fast. The alternative is that I’m in quite serious trouble, so I’m sticking with the F1 theory. This race had the blood circulating at a fairly alarming rate... The weekend was preceded by rumours that Massa might get replaced at Ferrari following a poor weekend in Australia. So lousy was it that Ferrari even replaced his chassis, in case it was that causing the problem. Mercedes were also in the spotlight for a frankly baffling bit of technology that fed air from the rear wing back over the surface of the car to the front wing. Nope – I’ve got absolutely no idea either. Lotus were on fire – literally, as their hospitality unit caught fire, burning Kimi’s helmet (insert inappropriate joke here). The Kimster also had a 5 place grid penalty hanging over him, following a gearbox change. HRT had a brilliant start to their weekend when they managed to show up without going bust, with 2 whole cars,...

He may be faintly reminiscent of a beaver, but blimey - is that Sergio Perez nippy! One of those dazzling races where the action seems non-stop, the Malaysian GP provided the kind of excitement level that almost made Kimi smile. Yes. It was THAT exciting. Great drive by Alonso, but it's no bad thing when you're gutted that a midfield team didn't manage to win. Me, not Fernando. I suspect he was quite chuffed. Maybe we can persuade him to get rid of that silly micro beard now. Anyway, enough of the wafflage - you want the scores on the imaginary doors! RACE RESULT Position Name Points 1 Steve M 95 2 Nigel 92 3 Ollie C 90 4 Martin R 87 5 Mark E 78 6 James 75 7 Tony's Mum 72 7 Jennifer 72 9 ...