grumpyf1

It seems strange that your local newspaper might soon not be printed locally. Sadly, that might be the case though, as the CN-Group run printing press in Carlisle is at risk of closure. New owners Newsquest are considering the move, which could affect 34 jobs, due to the “tough economics of the newspaper printing market” along with the problem of ageing equipment, and a world where print is steadily being replaced by screen. Future copies of your local paper may come from Glasgow. It’s clearly a difficult and worrying time for those whose livelihoods are at risk - Newsquest acknowledge that the proposal has nothing to do with the quality of the service delivered, but that’s small comfort when you may be about to lose your job. Is this just the top of a slippery slope, though? Increasingly, local newspapers are disappearing or being forced to reduce their staff. Less staff = less news. A drop in the breadth and diversity of reporting means fewer sales. If you’re thinking this

Remind me NEVER to do this again... Depending on which part of Cumbria you happen to be reading this in, I’m either that strange-looking new guy that’s only been around for a couple of months, or that weird-looking old guy who’s got in the way of proper news each of the last 301 Fridays. Good news either way – I’m away for a couple of weeks. Part holiday, part house move. If any of you are currently going through the same nightmarish world of solicitors, estate agents, worrying about when you’ll exchange and where you put the parcel tape, I sympathise. It is a very odd experience to take all your belongings, wedge them into boxes and then hand them over to a couple of guys you don’t know and trust that they’ll show up at your new place with it all. Last time I moved, VHS tapes were the heavy/bulky stuff, along with vinyl records. Now it’s DVDs and CDs. Should I ever move again, I’ll just need to make sure the right cloud follows me. There’s always that worrying moment when

F1 2018: Catch it while you can... It’s set to be a thrilling season for Formula One fans. Both Britain’s Lewis Hamilton and Germany’s Sebastian Vettel have now achieved four world titles each, with Hamilton equalling his arch-rival’s tally last year. Who was battling it out for that title last time? Yup – those two. It wasn’t always the most gentlemanly of battles either, with Seb famously banging wheels with Lewis after he believed the Brit had brake-tested him. So far, so tremendously entertaining. True, Vettel’s team, Ferrari, along with their driver himself, lost the plot somewhat when it really counted. Happily, it looks like we may be on for another ding-dong (and potentially bodywork-bashing) re-match. The cars look a little different this year too. Imagine someone sticking the bit that goes on top of your foot from a flip-flop onto the cockpit of the cars, and you’ve pretty much got the ‘halo’. This controversial new safety feature should help protect drivers from in

Dear Sir, I am absolutely OUTRAGED... (etc.) I visited a National Trust cafe just last weekend, at Sizergh. I had a very nice cappuccino, and watched Nuthatches having a snack on the balustrade outside. I was lucky to get out alive really, considering the terrifying aftermath of a hideous error made by the National Trust in an advert for cream teas. The Mother’s Day promotion, for Lanhydrock in Cornwall, scandalously showed... I can hardly bring myself to say this... a picture of scones with the jam on top of the cream. I know. I’m sorry I had to mention it and ruin your day, but this is a serious issue. Apparently, jam on top is a Devon thing. Cornish scone-aficionados were outraged, with 300 complaining about the Facebook post depicting the desecration of a perfectly good tea-accompanying traditional snack. Some even said it “made them feel sick”, but that’s probably all the cream, to be honest. The Trust were forced to apologise, saying it was a genuine mistake whilst, p

Put your hooves in the aiiiiir!!! The last time I went to a club, it was during the stag-do of a work colleague. As far as I could tell, there was one tune on permanent loop, and we conversed by sending each other text message whilst imbibing some ridiculously expensive drinks. I definitely don’t remember seeing any horses. Come to think of it, during my entire (admittedly limited) experience of going to clubs, I never even saw a small pony, let alone a large white horse with a scantily clad woman on it’s back. Apparently, that isn’t the case in Florida, where exactly that bizarre thing happened in a Miami Beach nightclub. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it didn’t end well. Without the DJ even yelling “put your hoofs in the aiiiir!”, the under-dressed rider struggled to maintain control of the frightened creature, and was thrown off before the distressed horse thrashed about, causing panic amongst the assembled club patrons. What happened to the horse riding raver and her unfortu

Like something from the plot of a James Bond film, the poisoning of a former Russian spy and his daughter has been playing out to a fascinated and horrified audience this week. Sergei Skripal, and his daughter Yulia, remain in a critical condition in hospital, following the use of a Russia-made nerve agent on the pair on March the 4th. Sites around Salisbury, where the incident took place and the ex-spy lived, continue to be investigated, and the army have been involved in decontaminating the area they were found, even taking away the ambulance involved in transporting them to hospital. Whilst the victims are clearly seriously ill, this despicable deployment of a highly dangerous substance has also risked the lives of many people, not least Det Sgt Nick Bailey who is in a serious but stable condition in hospital, after responding to the incident. Advice was issued to members of the public who may have come into contact with traces of the nerve agent via the pub and restaurant

50p?! You're really taking the piss... Some things in life are deeply inconvenient. Like having to scrabble around to try and find some change, so you can queue up and pay, just to use the loo at a railway station. Especially if your need is of the pressing variety. For a long time, the pay to pee fee has applied at some Network Rail-managed stations – in some cases, spending a penny actually cost 50 pence, which is taking the... well, you get the idea. Mercifully, free loos are set to return next year, after outgoing chief exec, Marc Carne, decided it was time to “treat people with dignity and respect”. Good call. Shame it’s taken so long to do. Network Rail will be caught short to the tune of millions of pounds per year, although it must be possible for costs from exorbitantly-priced train fares to be re-directed to flow towards toilet provision and upkeep in some way. Quite why it will take until next year, in some cases, to sort out is harder to fathom. Surely tak

Mussa's the one on the right. Even the most hard-bitten and cynical amongst us will have had their grumpy hearts melted a little this week by a baby chimp called Mussa. (Yes, even me.) A video, released by Lwiro Primates, a chimp and monkey sanctuary in the Democratic Republic of Congo, shows the cute little guy being rescued and flown to safety by an anti-poaching pilot. If this wasn’t already lovely enough, the footage shows the tiny chimp exploring the cockpit of the tiny two-seater aircraft, before hopping on the lap of the pilot and curiously watching as they lift off, with a level of calm I’m sure most of us would struggle to achieve, even after a 7am beer at the airport. So relaxed does our chimp chum become, he even manages to enjoy a spot of grooming from his new friend and have a play with the controls, before getting 40 winks in like a seasoned traveller. He is, of course, now an internet sensation (along with his rescuer) and is spending a while in quarantin

(Incandescent rage not pictured.) Few things annoy me more than suddenly finding myself in an unexpected traffic jam. True, we’re pretty lucky in much of Cumbria – miles of lovely roads with scenic views, beautiful villages and relatively light traffic. Of course, that doesn’t always apply. Every town has it’s queues, and when the tourists show up, it can get particularly frustrating. I’m lucky enough to have a cross-county drive into Ambleside to work. Mostly, it’s a delight – Windermere glistening on my left, the mountains rising in front of me as I arrive at the office. Heading home at night is mostly good too, but half-terms, bank holidays and the summer can easily add half an hour to my normal 50 minute drive, as I struggle to even get across Ambleside, whilst the seasonal visitors make their way back to their temporary homes after a grand day out. When the tourists aren’t about, preparations are made to ensure everything is nice for their next arrival. This regularly

Sorry... who? Only the Radio Times.  Yes, they seem to have worked themselves into a small frenzy following the unveiling of the new Doctor Who logo, which dematerialised last week. The logo got it’s own mini-trailer, and comes in a fetching shade of orangey/gold. Very smart, and distinctly different to any of the previous outings – and why shouldn’t it be? New writers, new companions and a new Doc at the controls of the TARDIS. Oh, and there’s something else... Doctor Who is now female for the first time, and will be played by the talented Jodie Whittaker. Putting the frothy-mouthed debate over if that’s right or not (it’s right!) to one side, the reason for the Radio Times getting all excited is that the logo possibly contains a clever reference to the Doctor’s latest regeneration re-gendering. If you take the last two letters and turn the logo 90 degrees (and use a fair amount of imagination), you get... the Venus symbol! Kind of. Apparently. The RT gang slightly spoil

SHHHHHSHH! Great news for Cumbrian kampanaphobia sufferers this week. Barrow’s St James’ the Great Church may be searching for new bell-ringers, but their neighbours won’t be left with a ringing in their ears. The would-be bong merchants might be tugging away like the clappers, but it will still be a silent night as they practice their bell control, thanks to an eight-bell simulator. This tinnitus-preventing marvel is being funded by the Heritage Lottery Fund. I have visions of people wearing VR headsets pulling on virtual ropes here, but I’m trying hard not to find that terribly amusing. However it works, it sounds (or not) like a great idea. With a recruitment drive taking place across the country, 1,400 bell ringers are being sought this year to mark 100 years since World War One ended – 1.400 being the number of bell ringers who died in the conflict. November 11th this year will mark the moment that church bells were rung spontaneously countrywide, celebrating the end o

Right: everybody panic! According to... well, everybody, really, we are in the grips of an unprecedented ‘snowmageddon’, as the ‘beast from the east’ makes it’s parky presence well and truly felt. I live in 100+ year old house, with the original single-glazed windows, so I’ve achieved an expert-level understanding of when it really IS cold. Somewhere around the time the second pair of socks under the heavily padded, ankle-covering slippers become ineffective is a sure sign. If this is combined with over three layers of clothing at body-level, then it’s official. There has been some industrial-strength scaremongering from the papers and TV news. If you believe any/all of it, Spring has been cancelled for starters. Odd, as I swear I saw a daffodil the other day. I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure it can be postponed, but not actually cancelled altogether. Unless Trump and Kim Jong Un actually do throw their toys out of their prams, and press their big red nuclear buttons. In whic