grumpyf1

Formula 1 roars back into the lives of armchair motorsport fans this weekend, with the first race of 2019 taking place in Australia on Sunday. If you’ve paid up to watch the races on Sky, congratulations – you get all of the races live, and an extra Button too, with the former F1 champion, Jenson, joining their presenting line up. If, like me, you’ll be watching it on Channel 4... well, there’s less to be excited about. Only the British GP will be live, as a deal signed by former F1 supremo Bernie Ecclestone kicks in, giving Sky the rights to show all other races exclusively live in the UK. Instead, Channel 4 will have highlights only. Cue the tricky task of trying to avoid picking up your phone, turning on the laptop, or watching TV/listening to the radio for half a day after the race has finished, to try and avoid an unwelcome “and the winner was...” situation. Plus, some awkward late-night timeslots. Formula when..?! Sky’s big promo film also conspicuously used Fleetwood M...

Whilst that impossibly young German chap Sebastien Vettel won a 3rd straight title in his Red Bull rocket-on-wheels last year, he had his toughest battle for the title so far, which sets us up really rather nicely for a high octane blast around Melbourne on Sunday. 2014 sees seismic changes to the F1 rulebook, involving much smaller engines, dramatically less fuel available, all sorts of clever-clogs energy recovery shenanigans, turbos, and the possibility that the familiar scream of the cars flat out might sound more like as asthmatic wasp in a particularly large tin. Before that, we get to see if Fernando Alonso can finally get a title in his Ferrari and tame his eyebrows, if Jenson Button can do the same as the main man at McLaren whilst continuing to be extremely laid back, if Lewis Hamilton has a chance now he’s swapped to Mercedes and started getting tattoos and dressing like a ‘gangsta’, or if any of the other peddlers of the world’s most expensive go karts can do the sa...

Want to know how the drivers scored, and the teams? Think you can rely on me to get it right? As long as the answer to at least one of those questions was yes, everything should be just fine... fingers crossed.      Driver Score this race Total Ranking Jenson Button 27 27 2 Lewis Hamilton 16 16 7 Michael Schumacher 0 0 =13 Nico Rosberg 0 0 =13 Sebastien Vettel 26 26 =3 Mark Webber 14 14 8 Fernando Alonso 24 24 5 Felipe Massa 0 0 =13 Kamui Kobayashi 22 22 6 Sergio Perez 32 32 1 Pastor Maldonado 0 0 =13 Bruno Senna 0 0 =1...

OK, I admit it. I'm not the perfect human being you all thought I was. True, I am devilishly handsome, have great taste in clothes and am a monster hit with the ladies. However, my calculating skills are a little dodgy. Still, small price to pay for all the dazzling wonderfulness, eh? Anyway, I forgot to add in points for Force India, thus doing several people out of 11 points. Here's the revised race result: RACE RESULT Position Name Points 1 Andy 106 2 Elmon 104 3 Olie B 103 3 James 103 5 Russell 101 6 Ollie C 100 7 Paul 95 8 Ian S 92 9 Stephen H 88 10 Heather 79 10 Tony 79 12 Steve M 77 ...