Panic at the disco

Put your hooves in the aiiiiir!!!

The last time I went to a club, it was during the stag-do of a work colleague.

As far as I could tell, there was one tune on permanent loop, and we conversed by sending each other text message whilst imbibing some ridiculously expensive drinks.

I definitely don’t remember seeing any horses. Come to think of it, during my entire (admittedly limited) experience of going to clubs, I never even saw a small pony, let alone a large white horse with a scantily clad woman on it’s back.

Apparently, that isn’t the case in Florida, where exactly that bizarre thing happened in a Miami Beach nightclub. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it didn’t end well.

Without the DJ even yelling “put your hoofs in the aiiiir!”, the under-dressed rider struggled to maintain control of the frightened creature, and was thrown off before the distressed horse thrashed about, causing panic amongst the assembled club patrons.

What happened to the horse riding raver and her unfortunate equine companion, is unclear. Unfortunately for the club, they won’t even be able to allow a hamster to do a bit of body-popping on the dancefloor, as the local mayor and city manager have revoked their licence, saying that this kind of activity “was not permitted”.

I’d imagine there isn’t a specific rule that says you can’t ride a horse into a club wearing only your skimpies, but the clear animal cruelty involved, and risk to the safety of the public, were sufficiently obvious. There is no truth in the rumour that the horse requested anything by Ride.

This post first appeared as the second piece in my column/page in The Mail and the News & Star, on the 16th of March 2018.

Great story. Somebody obviously thought this was a good idea...

(CD A-Z: XTC's "English Settlement".)

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