Faking it for real

As Donald “I’m really great, everybody says so” Trump is so fond of pointing out, there is a lot of fake news around nowadays. Honest.

Your friends at Facebook think so too, and have recently been publishing their top tips for spotting false news – by placing them as ads in newspapers. Considering they came in for considerable criticism themselves, that’s like shouting “Squirrel!” and pointing at a tree whilst you hastily kick away the prize begonias you just trampled.

To help you make sense of this (and because I’m a caring person), I thought I’d run you through their suggestions and help to explain them for you. I know. I’m lovely.

1. Be sceptical of headlines

READING THIS ARTICLE WILL IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE!!! And explain that catchy headlines, or stuff all in capitals might be a bit iffy.

2. Look closely at the URL

You can find out more about this at www.wowyouregullible.com if you want to understand how phony web addresses are a sure sign of dodgyness.

3. Investigate the source

Look at me – I’m a trustworthy guy, right? Nothing strange about me. I’ve never made anything up, like a dystopian future article, or argued why wind-chime owners want to see the planet burn. Nope.

4. Watch for unusual formatting

Thats just reediculouss. You’d nevet catch me making a schoolboy
error5Like that.

5. Consider the photos

Apparently, manipulated images are a sign that something is amiss. Here’s me having a lovely cappuccino whilst thinking about that.

6. Inspect the dates

Apparently, the timelines in fake news might not make sense, which is exactly what I said in my column on the 31st of February. The one about Freddie Mercury making a new album this week.

7. Check the evidence

Lack of evidence, or reliance on unnamed experts, is exactly the kind of thing that spells trouble, according to my totally amazing Facebook top CEO/Insider friend. True story.

8. Look at other reports

You can read exactly the same thing over on the BBC website. And it was in the Guardian, so it must be true.

9. Is the story a joke?

Obviously, there is a chance a piece was deliberately written to be funny or satirical. Lucky for you, I’m the one doing this bit of in-depth investigative journalism, so you can sleep easy knowing this isn’t in the slightest bit humorous.

10. Some stories are intentionally false

No. Really? Does that mean Trump isn’t president? I’m starting to like this fake news malarkey after all. Especially now that Beyonce has married Roy Castle.

This post first appeared as my "Thank grumpy it's Friday" column, in the North West Evening Mail, on the 19th of May 2017. The print version was re-titled as "Fake news - keeping it real", whilst the version used on their website became "Faking it - and this time it's for real".

The online version had the picture of me at the top with the caption "Splitting hairs: Peter, with obviously genuine barnet, considers fake news over a cappuccino". The print version included the picture next to the item number, and also ran it in their page guide with "Peter Grenville's essential guide to spotting fake news is truly hair-raising".

Including the column header image, that's three pictures of me in the same paper. People will start thinking I'm their local MP or something.

This was a fun one to write, prompted by a full page add in our complimentary newspaper from the hotel we stayed in on my birthday - I say complimentary... I think they can afford it from the amount we paid, so I suspect they aren't exactly out of pocket.

With more time (a side effect of writing columns close to the deadline each week) I'd have photoshopped someone famous into the photo too.

(CD A-Z: The recently purchased Twelve Inch Seventies - "More, More. More".)

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Is it foggy? No.

When I get put in charge (which is bound to happen soon), I'm going to introduce a whole raft of new laws, for I shall be a just and fair ruler. I'm quite liking the title of 'Most Marvellous Emperor Of Sensible Regulations And Bountiful Lovingness Not To Mention Exceedingly Handsome', but it might be a bit long. On that basis, I'll settle for the more informal 'He Who Is Smashing' from my loyal subjects. Anyway, I digress. I do that sometimes - had you noticed? Here, then, is the first law that will introduced: grumpyf1 law No.1 - Turn your fog lights off, you complete git. Don't get me wrong; If it genuinely is foggy, fog lights are quite handy. The reason for introduction of this law is because 96% of the time (based on my own in-depth research) it isn't foggy when some utter cockwomble blinds you. This has always been a bit of a problem but in the last couple of years it seems to have escalated out of control, possibly because of the...

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