Skip to main content

We're all just one photo booth away from mass murder...

Image
By

You may remember I got a bit, well, uptight about having to have my driving licence renewed simply because my photo was ten years old.

Since then, I have discovered that, if you haven't moved house (or changed name, or sex or er... some other stuff) you haven't ever had to have applied for a photocard driving licence. Which means, in terms of being able to identify that the driving licence is yours you simply have to know the name and address on it (and assumingly be appropriately male or female). So I'm paying out AGAIN for something that some people don't even need to have. What's that weird noise? Oh... it's my teeth grinding.

Anyway, I went to Tesco's today (and inadvertently spent over £100 on shopping when we didn't actually have more than 10 things on the shopping list - but that's another story) and got the photo done.

Gone are the days of getting four attempts to look good and then waiting 10 minutes for a damp piece of photo paper. Now it's all computer wizardry and a laser printer. Mind you, technology can't sort out one thing; Any photo you have taken in a photo booth comes out looking like it should have a prison number underneath. When did I stop being young, vibrant and handsome and turn into the scary psychopath in my photo? And when did I suddenly age 10 years? I swear I was in my 40's when I arrived at Tesco's. Why's there a balding, pudgy mad-eyed murderer in my picture?! Wah!

I now feel sympathy for all those individuals on the news - you know the sort of thing; "A man was arrested today for the viscous assault on an elderly lady and her hamster" - cue picture of evil looking bastard. I now know that aforementioned nutter probably looked perfectly normal in the mirror when he had a shower that morning. By the time his photo-booth picture made the news, we all looked at it and thought "yeah - look at him... obviously guilty. Look at his sinister features".

And now I have to live with an evil, twisted goblin looking back at me from my driving licence for the next decade.

It's not right, I tell you...
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Making an exhibition of yourself

By
Now and again, it’s good to reaffirm that you’re a (relatively) normal human being. One excellent way of doing this is to go to a business exhibition. Despite what you might have surmised from reading my previous columns, I am employable, and even capable of acting like a regular person most of the time, even joining in the Monday morning conversation about the weather over the weekend, and why (insert name of footyballs manager here) should be fired immediately. The mug! True, there are times, often involving a caffeine deficiency, where it is like having the distilled essence of ten moody teenagers in the room, but I try and get that out of the way when people I genuinely like aren’t around to see it. As part of my ongoing experiment with what others call ‘working’, my ‘job’ involves me occasionally needing to go and see what some of my colleagues get up to outside the office, and what our competitors do to try and make sure that they do whatever my colleagues do better than ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Schaf Shuffle

By
The weather – source of endless fascination, conversation, irritation and (just recently) excess irrigation. And a fidgety weather presenter on the BBC... I’m endlessly fascinated with the weather, and will confess to making sure I catch the BBC’s updates whenever possible. Not the local ones, where half the presenters look like they got dressed in the dark, or ITV, where they seem to know very little about actual weather, but the national forecasts. Delivered by actual Met Office personnel, their job entails a tricky mix of waving your hands about a bit, explaining about warm fronts without smirking, and trying not to look too pleased whilst mentioning gales force winds and torrential rain. Or stand in front of Cornwall. Each has their own presenting style, but there is one who intrigues me above all the others. Step forward, Tomasz Schafernaker, the 37 year old man from the Met who breezed onto our screens in 2001, as the youngest male ever to point out that it was going to r...
Post a Comment
Read more

RIP Jenwis Hamilbutton

By
We are gathered here in this... (looks round a bit) um... blog, to mourn the passing of Jenwis Hamilbutton. His life may have been short and largely irrelevant, but he touched the lives of so many people that... sorry? Oh. Apparently that was someone else... Jenwis Hamilbutton rose briefly to fame on twitter during 2010, when he was retweeted by BBC F1 presenter Jake Humphrey, having criticised his shirt. A similarly unspectacular claim to fame occurred when a tweet he crafted at 1am on a windy night appeared in F1 Racing magazine. An amalgam of bits of Formula 1 drivers Lewis Hamilton and Jenson Button (mostly the hopeless bits), he came into existence via 3 pints of cider, a Creme Egg and the Electric Light Orchestra’s mournful 1986 farewell album “Balance Of Power”, played loudly over headphones. In his short existence, he was followed on twitter by Paul Hardcastle of “19” fame, and a bunch of slightly odd but jolly nice people, whom he was never entirely sure actually exist...
Post a Comment
Read more