We mean it this time

It's not a bluff this time - that really is the new Mercedes car, not an old Brawn with a paint-job.

Looks the business, doesn't it? Liking those wacky wing mirrors!

Ooh, I'm feeling a Grumpy pre-season preview coming on. Either that or I've eaten too much chocolate again and it's an almighty sugar rush which will probably mean I'll just keep typing and typing and typing without pausing to use pounctiuation or anything and without woprryinmg abiut wether I'm making horredous spelling mistakes and so forth. Gasp. Actually, it's both.

Mighty fine pedigree the Merc - last year it won both titles under the guise of the genius of Ross Brawn (banana, anyone?). Ross is very, very, VERY good and sure knows how to organise a team, but let us remember that last year's car was designed under the considerable funding of Honda. This year's car was designed pre-Mercedes buying out the team. At a rough calculation, that means they've had a veritable shed-load of wonga less to work with. I doubt it'll be a bad car, but I think they won't just romp of to the title this time. Mind you, they do have...

Michael Schumacher. What can you say about Schumi? Well, quite a lot actually. Indisputably the best complete package ever (as in driver, motivator, team-leader etc etc), he IS flawed. Remember the attempt to shove Villeneuve off the track, and the Damon Hill incident (Argh - I can feel myself getting angry all over again, not least because it just reminded me I had hair then)? He might be a bit rusty too, although I'm guessing not. He's that bloody good. How will he manage in a different team? How long before Nico has that glassy stare that says he's been shafted by Michael? And can Mikey-babes really cut it against the likes of Hamilton & Alonso in 2010?

Nico Rosberg. Lovely hair (the git). Lil' Rosberg put in some tidy performances in the Williams last year, but made a fair few errors too. To my mind, he's somewhere near Massa after a couple of years in F1 - good, but still a bit ragged and impetuous, and just as likely to bin it than win it. He should have his best shout yet at a race win though... as long as he can deal with Michael's mind-games.

(Tonight we're grooving to cheery '80's pop in the form of Belinda Carlisle's "The Best Of Volume 1". Bit optimistic that - I'm guessing there hasn't been a Volume 2? Great cheekbones though.)

Comments

Making an exhibition of yourself

Now and again, it’s good to reaffirm that you’re a (relatively) normal human being. One excellent way of doing this is to go to a business exhibition. Despite what you might have surmised from reading my previous columns, I am employable, and even capable of acting like a regular person most of the time, even joining in the Monday morning conversation about the weather over the weekend, and why (insert name of footyballs manager here) should be fired immediately. The mug! True, there are times, often involving a caffeine deficiency, where it is like having the distilled essence of ten moody teenagers in the room, but I try and get that out of the way when people I genuinely like aren’t around to see it. As part of my ongoing experiment with what others call ‘working’, my ‘job’ involves me occasionally needing to go and see what some of my colleagues get up to outside the office, and what our competitors do to try and make sure that they do whatever my colleagues do better than ...

Is it foggy? No.

When I get put in charge (which is bound to happen soon), I'm going to introduce a whole raft of new laws, for I shall be a just and fair ruler. I'm quite liking the title of 'Most Marvellous Emperor Of Sensible Regulations And Bountiful Lovingness Not To Mention Exceedingly Handsome', but it might be a bit long. On that basis, I'll settle for the more informal 'He Who Is Smashing' from my loyal subjects. Anyway, I digress. I do that sometimes - had you noticed? Here, then, is the first law that will introduced: grumpyf1 law No.1 - Turn your fog lights off, you complete git. Don't get me wrong; If it genuinely is foggy, fog lights are quite handy. The reason for introduction of this law is because 96% of the time (based on my own in-depth research) it isn't foggy when some utter cockwomble blinds you. This has always been a bit of a problem but in the last couple of years it seems to have escalated out of control, possibly because of the...

Unstable Stables: Throw away the key

It’s comforting to know that there is one less threat to the people of Cumbria this week, following the conviction of white supremacist, Ethan Stables. The 20 year old from Barrow had planned to attack the town’s New Empire pub in June 2017, in the midst of a gay pride event. Despite social media posts saying he was “going to war” and planning to “slaughter”, online searches about how to make bombs and chemical poisons, and expressing hatred of Muslims, Jews and gay people, he claimed his online comments were merely to impress far-right friends. Fortunately, following Facebook posts about his intentions, the police were tipped off and armed officers intercepted him as he headed towards the pub. His aim was to kill anyone he found, with a machete. In a bizarre slip-up, Stables had erroneously added an innocent woman to his neo-Nazi Facebook group. When he vented his outrage at the Furness LGBT support group’s event, the shocked woman contacted the authorities. He’ll have ple...

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