Alonso Singapore slings his hat in the ring for the title

....Oh, I'm sorry. Was I meant to be typing something....? Right.

....Erm. What, now? Sorry, bit distracted for some reason. Ahem. OK, here goes. Singapore earned it's place as my favourite amongst the new races straight away when it first joined the F1 circus 3 years ago. It just looks so fantastic and usually manages to provide a great race. Well, it did again in 2010 too. More on that in a minute though.

First off, we had two new drivers in for this race, with Christian Klien returning for the first time since 2006 in the Hispania, after Yamamoto got food poisoning. That might just be a handy phrase to cover the fact that the cash had stopped flowing. Of course, Sakon might have been.. er.... flowing himself, but I think a temporarily empty wallet might have been the problem, rather than his insides. At Sauber, Nick Heidfeld returned, replacing the hapless (and form-less) de la Rosa. Both acquitted themselves well in qualifying, Heidfeld a tidy 14th and Klien beating Senna to 22nd, which is frankly pretty bloody embarrassing for Ayrton's nephew.

And talking of qualifying.... A damp track made things interesting, but Massa didn't really have time to find out, his car conking out before he'd even done a lap. He must be wondering if he trod on a leprechaun or something. Hulkenberg had a bit of a stroppy sulky moment after only managing 17th and a surprised Schumi found himself in the top 10 for the first time since Britain (but still couldn't beat Nico). Barrichello managed a brilliant 6th, with just the 5 main championship protagonists ahead of him. Talking of which, why does all the media keep saying there are only 5 drivers in it?! Massa (OK, maybe not) Rosberg & Kubica could have all still had a shout at the championship too going into this race. Unlikely, yes, but still possible.

A final flurry of laps left Alonso on pole, Vettel 2nd (after a wall got a bit too close for comfort), Hamilton 3rd, button 4th and Webber a disappointed 5th.

Race day was dry. Alonso got a reasonable start and again attempted to put Seb in a wall, but Vettel backed off and, whilst much close racing ensued, that was where they'd stay for the rest of the race. A bent Force India brought the Safety Car out on Lap 3 and Webber swapped strategy and changed onto hard tyres. Phew. Tough gig, surely? It turned out to be wise though - once everyone else started to pit later in the race, a charging Mark blitzed past them and finished 3rd. But only by a miracle. More on that in a moment.

Lap 32 saw another Safety Car after Kobayashi became Kobacrashi again and Senna failed to spot a car parked in a wall and joined him. Schuey spent all race taking out Saubers wherever he could, but the real talking point came on Lap 36 when Hamilton (whose deeply irritating girlfriend got interviewed again by Martin Brundle on the grid whilst he tried to look down her top) attempted to pass Webber on the outside without leaving enough room for Mark on the inside. Cue another knackered car and some lobbing of steering wheel. Mind you, Webber was unbelievably lucky to finish when you saw the state of his wheel post-race. Kubica copped a puncture and then decided he wanted his old place back, overtaking loads of people in just a few laps and everyone raced hard to the end, with Kovaleinen providing some late entertainment in some kind of bizarre Finnish macho ritual where you drive a flaming car along very slowly for as long as you can, to prove what a hardcase you are. I thought the whinges from the Beeb team were a bit unfair and Crikey's explanation was simple - he didn't want to drive a car THAT MIGHT EXPLODE along a crowded pitlane, and his slow drive was because he was trying to spot a fire marshall.

So, great drive by Fernando again, with Vettel, Webber and Button behind him. Rosberg, Barrichello and Kubica were next up, but post race penalties promoted Massa to a pretty impressive 8th whilst Sutil and SulkyHulky wound up 9th and 10th. And still the championship top 5 are separated by a race win, with 4 races to go. Or 3, depending upon South Korea's tarmac drying out in time...

Next race, the great Jake Humphrey will be replaced by the lady EJ offered to dress in the F1 Forum. If you think that was a touch "old-fashioned" (or plain creepy) this was after he'd implied that a female fan must have "worked nights" to afford to get to the race. Scary stuff from an old geezer sweating profusely. Jaysus, Eddie. Yes, Lee "Just tell us" McKenzie will be in charge. Please Lee - think of something else to say before Japan. Just tell us you will.

Toons tonight provided by Status Quo (I should probably be embarrassed, but I don't give a monkey's) and their covers album "Don't Stop".

Faking it for real

As Donald “I’m really great, everybody says so” Trump is so fond of pointing out, there is a lot of fake news around nowadays. Honest. Your friends at Facebook think so too, and have recently been publishing their top tips for spotting false news – by placing them as ads in newspapers. Considering they came in for considerable criticism themselves, that’s like shouting “Squirrel!” and pointing at a tree whilst you hastily kick away the prize begonias you just trampled. To help you make sense of this (and because I’m a caring person), I thought I’d run you through their suggestions and help to explain them for you. I know. I’m lovely. 1. Be sceptical of headlines READING THIS ARTICLE WILL IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE!!! And explain that catchy headlines, or stuff all in capitals might be a bit iffy. 2. Look closely at the URL You can find out more about this at www.wowyouregullible.com if you want to understand how phony web addresses are a sure sign of dodgyness. 3. Investigate...

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The US presidential election and Brexit must have made me more nervous than I’d realised. It seems I’ve created an underground bunker without realising I was doing it. Still – we’ve all done that at some point, right? No? Ah... In that case, the fact that I have inadvertently turned my cellar into a rudimentary survival shelter, just in case it all kicks off, demonstrates a severe case of bunker mentality. Fretting about Donald and his wall, and Hillary and her emails, clearly made me more paranoid that I thought about the possibility of WW3 kicking off. Whilst attempting to find a specific size of imperial washer the other day (turns out I’d mis-filed it in the nut cabinet – Tsk!) I was struck by what a lot of jam and chutney we have in the cellar. And I do mean a LOT. There are boxes of boiled-up sugar and fruit and more boxes of boiled up vinegar and fruit. We’re still only part way through 2015’s output too. Then there’s the plastic containers holding pasta in various for...

"It's all gone quiet..." said Roobarb

If, like me, you grew up (and I’m aware of the irony in that) in the ‘70s, February was a tough month, with the sad news that Richard Briers and Bob Godfrey had died. Briers had a distinguished acting career and is, quite rightly, fondly remembered most for his character in ‘The Good Life’. Amongst his many roles, both serious and comedic, he also lent his voice to a startling bit of animation that burst it’s wobbly way on to our wooden-box-surrounded screens in 1974. The 1970s seemed to be largely hued in varying shades of beige, with hints of mustard yellow and burnt orange, and colour TV was a relatively new experience still, so the animated adventures of a daft dog and caustic cat who were the shades of dayglo green and pink normally reserved for highlighter pens, must have been a bit of a shock to the eyes at the time. It caused mine to open very wide indeed. Roobarb was written by Grange Calveley, and brought vividly into life by Godfrey, whose strange, shaky-looking sty...

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