Alonso provides happy ending for the tifosi...

If you're not a big fan of Formula 1, you probably thought that race was pretty dull.

Two things: Firstly, why are you reading this then? It's a blog about Formula 1. Are you totally nuts or what?! Secondly, it wasn't dull but in fact very tense. Okay, after the first lap or so it wasn't a thriller (cue Michael Jackson) but it was edge of your seat stuff as far as the championship goes.

For the first time this season there was no Red Bull parked on the front row, with the more traditional Ferrari & McLaren battle reconvened for the Italians' home race, and at the start it didn't look like it was going to go to plan for them. Button got a good start and even though Alonso made a robust move to intercept him (translation: He tried to barge him out of the way), Jenson was first into the first corner... just. Massa held his own against Alonso too, whilst a fast starting Hamilton was up to 4th and then challenged Felipe a bit too late. Floppy front wheels aren't generally a good thing in F1 and Lewis parked up in a gravel trap and headed home on foot. You win some, you don't make it to the end of the 1st lap... er.... some. He admitted it was his fault, which was probably sensible, as he was later than your average train in his attempt to get down the inside.

Button and Alonso fought tooth and nail for lap after lap with the Brit just in front, whilst Vettel encountered what he thought was an engine problem, but seems to have been sticky brakes. The tension remained at high voltage until lap 38, when Alonso's stop finally popped him out just in front of Button. Mind you, McLaren may as well have stuck a bloody great big advertising hoarding out in front of Ferrari's garage saying "We're going to make a stop now, care to plan your strategy accordingly?" so clearly did they signpost when they were about to stop.

Vettel unusually decided to go for his compulsory tyre change on the very last lap, but running on tyres he was happy with had done the trick. Having lost places earlier in the race with his phantom engine problem, he handily made them up at the end, finishing ahead of Webber.

Mark had spent an entertaining race watching The Incredible Hulkenberg taking a naughty shortcut at regular intervals, and can feel justifiably aggrieved as he couldn't get past the cheeky German. No penalty came though so Mark had to nail him big time later in the race.

Hispania were involved in a bizarre incident when Yamamoto bogged off from his pitstop without anyone noticing that the radio guy had his arm in the cockpit. There's some footage on YouTube - the phrase "ouch" comes to mind. They've been fined $20,000 for an unsafe release.

So at the end of the race, the final 3 were the same as in quali, Alonso, Button and Massa. Vettel made it up to 4th, Rosberg 5th, Webber 6th, Hulky 7th, a (completely unnoticed) Bob K in 8th, Schumi 9th and Barrichello 10th.

Webber sneaks back into the lead of the championship (not bad work for a guy who only came 6th) and we have the tantalising prospect of 5 fly away races with the top 5 drivers less that a win apart on points.

Formula 1? Boring? Not bloody likely.....

(NB: I would like to apologise for the flagrant lack of sarcasm and grumpiness in this report. Normal arsey service will be resumed as soon as I'm in a bad mood again. Shouldn't take long....)

(Listening to disc 2 of the remastered A-ha album Scoundrel Days. You know the sort of thing, B-sides and rarities. It's rather spiffing actually.)

A very modern malady

Hello. I’m Doctor Grenville, and I’m here today to talk to you about SSS – or “Sad Selfie Syndrome”, to give it it’s full medical name. I’m a fully qualified medical doctor thing – I’ve got a PhD from Queens University Academy College Kendal (or “QUACK” for short) to prove it. That means it’s OK for me to talk to you about a very sensitive subject today and stroke your knee. Soothing, no? In my many years of medicinalising practice, I’ve come across some terrible afflictions. I’ve seen Achey Breaky Heart, Kneesles (where you get an itchy rash on your kneecaps) and even a very rare case of the Mercedes Benz. But recently I started seeing shocking images, on social media, graphically showing the devastating results of SSS. If you haven’t heard of it before, you’ve almost certainly seen pictures of what happens to the victims, who are mostly under the age of 30. We’ve already come to understand the irrational, overwhelming need for some amongst this group to photograph everythin...

Faking it for real

As Donald “I’m really great, everybody says so” Trump is so fond of pointing out, there is a lot of fake news around nowadays. Honest. Your friends at Facebook think so too, and have recently been publishing their top tips for spotting false news – by placing them as ads in newspapers. Considering they came in for considerable criticism themselves, that’s like shouting “Squirrel!” and pointing at a tree whilst you hastily kick away the prize begonias you just trampled. To help you make sense of this (and because I’m a caring person), I thought I’d run you through their suggestions and help to explain them for you. I know. I’m lovely. 1. Be sceptical of headlines READING THIS ARTICLE WILL IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE!!! And explain that catchy headlines, or stuff all in capitals might be a bit iffy. 2. Look closely at the URL You can find out more about this at www.wowyouregullible.com if you want to understand how phony web addresses are a sure sign of dodgyness. 3. Investigate...

Fantasy Formula 1 - Hungary Results

Sometimes there's a wonderful "huh?" moment in F1. Today's was when the lights didn't go to red at the start, but flashed green and yellow. I'm sure all the drivers are briefed, and everyone knows the drill, but they all just sat there - no-one wanted to be the first to move. In the most high-tech sport in the world, it took Charlie Whiting waving at them to make them go. To be honest, it wasn't the most thrilling of races, but Happy Hamilton "The slow boys won't get out of my way! It's not fair! Boohoohooo - I'm telling Charlie!" winning does mean the front end of the points table still looks deliciously tight. What we really need now, as the excitement level ramps up, is.... to take 5 weeks off. Dammit. Still, to keep you occupied, I want you to memorise the points you all scored today. It's easy to remember mine. I came last... RACE RESULT Position Name Point...

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