When did the liquid breakfast become acceptable?

It’s always great to share public transport with drunk people.

It’s even more fun when it’s at a time most sane folks are contemplating a bowl of Corn Flakes.

I recently had the delight of getting up at 5.30am to catch a train on a Saturday. I consumed cappuccinos, in an attempt to blot out the terrifying realisation that there actually is a 5.30 in the day that isn’t at tea time, but fellow travellers were starting their day with something a bit stronger than my frothy coffee.

On our trip to the wilds of Yorkshire, I was thrilled to see a party of twenty-something lads get on board our carriage of delight, and quickly realised they were on a stag weekend.

It wasn’t hard to deduce this, as some remained standing in the entrance area, whilst others sat down a few rows of seats away. Despite the train being busy, the separated group continued their shouted conversation, which was seemingly based around some kind of rule that meant you have to swear every other word.

Wearing your baseball cap backwards seemed to be optional, but consuming bottles of beer and cans of cider clearly wasn’t. I can only assume there were additional rules about needing to have consumed your own body weight in booze before 9am, because they were really going for it.

The loud, laddish, laughter, and misogynistic comments about some of the female passengers onboard, marked these gentlemen out as a particularly charming group of young fellows, whose Mum’s would no doubt be very proud of them for being so considerate to their fellow travellers.

At Manchester we had a 45 minute wait for our next train, so headed for more caffeine-based wake-up juice, and discovered a group of thirty-ish folks enjoying a bottle of wine at a table in the cafe. Having been awake for what felt like days, I assumed it must be somewhere around lunchtime, but on checking my watch I discovered it was in fact 9.30am.

It’s pretty rare that anyone boarding public transport with a bottle/can of alcohol in their hand is going to be an ideal travelling companion, and their annoyance factor seems to be exponentially multiplied by the number of drinkers in their group.

‘The more the merrier’ soon turns into boozed-up, loud and obnoxious, with any regard for fellow passengers going out of the window nearly as fast as the bottles/cans get emptied.

Considering the problems caused by some drunk people’s inability to behave responsibly, I’m still surprised that drinking is allowed on buses, trains and especially aeroplanes. That airports have bars open before dawn seems to be an incredibly bad idea.

Sure, you’re off on holiday to enjoy yourself, but does that have to start at the airport? Can your stag weekend not start after you’ve got off the train?

I like a drink. I like to think I’m responsible about it, and don’t annoy other people. Am I now the minority?

Cheers!

This post first appeared as my "Thank grumpy it's Friday" column, in the North West Evening Mail, on the 9th of May 2014. You can view the edited version used by the paper on their website here, where it was retitled 'Early Drinking Is No Fun At All' - less sophisticated, but probably easier to understand. Some minor trims occurred to the tune of about 20 words.

The column also appears only in their 'Archive' section, and not on the 'Live' page, and is uncredited. I'm not going to make my fortune any time soon, it would seem. Having said that, we just won £5 on a scratch card so ying and yang, eh?

(Compilation CD? Don't mind if I do! Today it's a free Q Magazine one called 'Take It Easy - 15 Soft Rock Anthems', although quite a few are cover versions, albeit by decent quality artists.)

Malaysian Grand Prix - Vettel hot, but not bothered

Malaysia. It's always hot, and it always rains. Except the 2nd part is no longer true (unless you count the drizzly bit around lap 14). Saturday's qualifying session had highlighted the fact that Red Bull and McLaren seemed well matched on pace, but also that Ferrari were struggling. Whilst Vettel bagged another pole, followed by Hamilton, Webber and Button, Alonso was only 5th, and Massa 7th, with Nick Heidfeld an excellent 6th on the grid between the two red cars. At this point, I would like to break momentarily for a small rant: How many times do I have to say Heidfeld is good? Why wasn't he given a top drive years ago? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! ARE YOU BLIND!!!?? Ahem. The Hispanias somehow managed to a) turn up b) remember to bring cars c) get both of them on the track d) actually get both of them within 107%. Pretty remarkable really. Oh, and it didn't rain. Race day looked a more likely candidate for a drop of the wet stuff. The start was exciting, with...

A fisful of change at the shops

A recent day out reminded me how much the retail experience has altered during my lifetime – and it’s not all good. I could stop typing this, and buy a fridge, in a matter of seconds. The shops are shut and it’s 9pm, but I could still place the order and arrange delivery. I haven’t got to wander round a white-goods retail emporium trying to work out which slightly different version of something that keeps my cider cold is better. It’ll be cheaper, too. But in amongst the convenience, endless choice and bargains, we’ve lost some of the personal, human, touches that used to make a trip to the shops something more than just a daily chore. Last weekend, we visited a local coastal town. Amongst the shops selling over-priced imported home accessories (who doesn’t need another roughly-hewn wooden heart, poorly painted and a bargain at £10?) was one that looked different. It’s window allowed you to see in, rather than being plastered with stick-on graphics and special offers calling ...

"It's all gone quiet..." said Roobarb

If, like me, you grew up (and I’m aware of the irony in that) in the ‘70s, February was a tough month, with the sad news that Richard Briers and Bob Godfrey had died. Briers had a distinguished acting career and is, quite rightly, fondly remembered most for his character in ‘The Good Life’. Amongst his many roles, both serious and comedic, he also lent his voice to a startling bit of animation that burst it’s wobbly way on to our wooden-box-surrounded screens in 1974. The 1970s seemed to be largely hued in varying shades of beige, with hints of mustard yellow and burnt orange, and colour TV was a relatively new experience still, so the animated adventures of a daft dog and caustic cat who were the shades of dayglo green and pink normally reserved for highlighter pens, must have been a bit of a shock to the eyes at the time. It caused mine to open very wide indeed. Roobarb was written by Grange Calveley, and brought vividly into life by Godfrey, whose strange, shaky-looking sty...

grumpyf1

Search This Blog