When did the liquid breakfast become acceptable?

It’s always great to share public transport with drunk people.

It’s even more fun when it’s at a time most sane folks are contemplating a bowl of Corn Flakes.

I recently had the delight of getting up at 5.30am to catch a train on a Saturday. I consumed cappuccinos, in an attempt to blot out the terrifying realisation that there actually is a 5.30 in the day that isn’t at tea time, but fellow travellers were starting their day with something a bit stronger than my frothy coffee.

On our trip to the wilds of Yorkshire, I was thrilled to see a party of twenty-something lads get on board our carriage of delight, and quickly realised they were on a stag weekend.

It wasn’t hard to deduce this, as some remained standing in the entrance area, whilst others sat down a few rows of seats away. Despite the train being busy, the separated group continued their shouted conversation, which was seemingly based around some kind of rule that meant you have to swear every other word.

Wearing your baseball cap backwards seemed to be optional, but consuming bottles of beer and cans of cider clearly wasn’t. I can only assume there were additional rules about needing to have consumed your own body weight in booze before 9am, because they were really going for it.

The loud, laddish, laughter, and misogynistic comments about some of the female passengers onboard, marked these gentlemen out as a particularly charming group of young fellows, whose Mum’s would no doubt be very proud of them for being so considerate to their fellow travellers.

At Manchester we had a 45 minute wait for our next train, so headed for more caffeine-based wake-up juice, and discovered a group of thirty-ish folks enjoying a bottle of wine at a table in the cafe. Having been awake for what felt like days, I assumed it must be somewhere around lunchtime, but on checking my watch I discovered it was in fact 9.30am.

It’s pretty rare that anyone boarding public transport with a bottle/can of alcohol in their hand is going to be an ideal travelling companion, and their annoyance factor seems to be exponentially multiplied by the number of drinkers in their group.

‘The more the merrier’ soon turns into boozed-up, loud and obnoxious, with any regard for fellow passengers going out of the window nearly as fast as the bottles/cans get emptied.

Considering the problems caused by some drunk people’s inability to behave responsibly, I’m still surprised that drinking is allowed on buses, trains and especially aeroplanes. That airports have bars open before dawn seems to be an incredibly bad idea.

Sure, you’re off on holiday to enjoy yourself, but does that have to start at the airport? Can your stag weekend not start after you’ve got off the train?

I like a drink. I like to think I’m responsible about it, and don’t annoy other people. Am I now the minority?

Cheers!

This post first appeared as my "Thank grumpy it's Friday" column, in the North West Evening Mail, on the 9th of May 2014. You can view the edited version used by the paper on their website here, where it was retitled 'Early Drinking Is No Fun At All' - less sophisticated, but probably easier to understand. Some minor trims occurred to the tune of about 20 words.

The column also appears only in their 'Archive' section, and not on the 'Live' page, and is uncredited. I'm not going to make my fortune any time soon, it would seem. Having said that, we just won £5 on a scratch card so ying and yang, eh?

(Compilation CD? Don't mind if I do! Today it's a free Q Magazine one called 'Take It Easy - 15 Soft Rock Anthems', although quite a few are cover versions, albeit by decent quality artists.)

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