grumpyf1

Who'd have thunked it, eh? A seat in a Williams F1 car for 2012 is now the most hotly contested thing in F1 (if you ignore the piece of tarmac Lewis and Rubens want to be on, that is). With surprise signings at both Lotus Renault and Toro Rosso resulting it all their 2011 drivers getting the F1 heave-ho, it's fallen to Frank's mob to offer a chance for the refugees from these two teams, plus a few other drivers unceremoniously dumped in the constant quest for "the next Seb". Sutil, Senna, Petrov, Buemi, Alguersuari and D'Ambrosio all need a drive, and Barrichello certainly wasn't planning on calling it a day either. And, before you mention it, I know HRT have a seat free too, but... seriously... who'd go there? Apart from Pedro de la Rosa, of course. It's on the way to the pension office, I believe. I'm guessing Sutil, but with Maldonado signed up again for next year (along with some more hefty bags of cash), Williams need a decent d

It didn't take a genius to spot this one coming - Nico Hulkenberg will be driving the other Force India car next year. Partnering that wee laddie di Resta, Hulkywulky has bagged the seat previously occupied by the not-too-shabby Adrian Sutil. Hulky did pretty well in the duff Williams in 2010, so it was surprising he got the boot... until you remember this is Williams, who'll dump anyone if they think they can get someone else cheaper. Frentzen in for Damon Hill? Yeah.... Anyway, the not-Britney Nico had to watch from the sidelines at team fifi this year, whilst attempting to word questions about his future at the team carefully, and not shouting "give me the sodding drive, I'm ace!" all the time. Which is probably what he was thinking. His team-mate will put him to the test in '12 - any rustiness will need to be shaken off damn fast. If he's as good as some people say he is, then that shouldn't be a problem. Should it? I seem to remember

For reasons I singularly fail to understand, more people have viewed my blog this month that at any other time in it's history. Considering there's no F1 on at the moment, I can only reach the following conclusions: 1) You've mistaken me for a porn site 2) You're certifiably insane 3) Both of the above 4) You like a ranty man grumbling about Formula 1 and life in general Whatever the reason - thanks. I'll do my best to keep annoying you in 2012 as well, and Fantasy Formula 1 will return in time for the new season too. In the meantime, I wish you, and everyone you hold dear, a very Happy Christmas. (Tunage supplied by Kate Bush's "The Director's Cut" from earlier this year. Odd.... but growing on me...)

Tough gig, driving for Toro Rosso. You just get good, and then you're unceremoniously dumped to make way for the (maybe) next Vettel. Such has been the fate of Jaime Aluersuari (which is bad news for my continuing Alguersuaras joke) and Sebastien Buemi. Both performed well this year, but not (it would seem) well enough to keep their Red Bull paymasters happy. So, like Lotus/Renault/Delete-as-applicable, it's all change at Red Ball Jr, as Daniel Ricciardo joins the team along with Jean-Eric Vergne. Ricciardo we know a bit about, as he was given the chance to have a go in an HRT for 11 races after some fizzy drink money accidentally found it's way into the Spanish team's rather empty wallet. A best result of 18th might not seem that great, but he made his more experienced team mate Liuzzi look pretty shabby, although, to be fair, your average 19 year old in a souped-up Vauxhall Corsa probably could have done that too. Like Ricciardo, Vergne has had an odd route

You wait ages for a Frenchman in F1, then two arrive at once. Hot on the heels of Pic, comes Grosjean. Or, to be more accurate, comes Grosjean again . Romain replaced Piquet Jr back in '09 and drove 7 races fore Renault, with a best result of 13th. After a couple of years back in the shallow end of motorsport, he won the GP2 championship this year, so maybe he's ready this time. With Lotus Renault going for the 'most number of drivers in 3 seasons award' (Kubica, Petrov, Heidfeld, Senna, Raikkonen, Grosjean) Romain will need to find his feet pretty rapidly - the team aren't that French any more, and failure isn't likely to be tolerated. It should be interesting to see how he gets on against Kimi. His problem is that, even if he trounces our Finnish friend, people will still question his ability, as Kimi is a tad... how can we put this...? Out of favour, and possibly out of form. It should be interesting to see how the team get on. Can they improve en

We now know a bit more about the BBC's F1 coverage for next year - it's probably best if you don't get TOO excited. Whilst Sky are busy launching their new dedicated F1 channel and getting their bank account reinforced, we already know that the excellent Brundle and equally good Kravitz are heading their direction. Along with just about everyone from 5Live, plus 3 microphones, a desk, 9 cameras and a slightly dented filing cabinet. And a lot of viewers. And what are us hopeless poor people (or conscientious Murdoch objectors) getting in return? Ben Edwards! Who? Ben Edwards! He did some Touring Car commentary apparently. Ooo... tumbleweed! In response to my terrified question on twitter "Please tell me he's not another Legard/Allen?!", I was advised that he's nearly as interesting and good as those two by @Pickledegg101 and @BBQMushroom. I've not met either of these fine, upstanding twitchums, but obviously I value their opinions without que

Now then... Why do you think Red Bull and Ferrari have decided to leave F1's voluntary Teams Association, FOTA? Could it possibly be that they wanted to spend even more squodges of cash than they already do, and the smaller teams said "you're having a laugh, right?". I'm sure there will be lots of important statements about 'wanting to work together', 'resource restrictions' blah blah blah, but this is clearly about two of the biggest teams with the largest budgets wanting to win at any cost and thereby ensuring the smaller ones almost certainly never can. This is like Tesco joining a consortium of small shop owners, then saying 'well, we DO want to help, but we're going to charge 30p less for that pack of yoghurts, so tough titties'. FOTA was set up by the teams partially to help them agree limits on spending to ensure the future of F1 didn't just look like Ferrari and McLaren winning all the time. Now Red Bull have 2 Wo

Williams have kept Pastor Maldonado for 2012. Might I pose one, teensy, awkward question? Why the hell would you want to do that?! Pastor's greatest achievement this season was getting investigated twice for ignoring blue flags. In the same race. Could it, just possibly, be down to money? A big pile of Venezuelan state oil company money? Or is it because he's jolly talented and just needs a bit more time to shine? You're right - it's the cash, innit. So Skeletor's twin will be back on the grid next season, giving the team some much-needed finance, but not scoring many points, which will make it hard for them to get investors, which means they won't be able to afford decent drivers, which means... Erm... Christ! An F1 Mobius strip! Aaaaaaaghhhh!!!!! Either that, or Williams REALLY don't want to win races again. (Listening to the radio at the mo: Ken Bruce on Radio 2) 

Having exhausted the supply of Coke and Choc Ices in the Rallying community, Kimi Raikkonen is returning to F1 with Renault. Or Lotus. But not that Lotus. You know, the other one with Senna and Petrov. Only... not with them anymore. Clear? Good. Although rumours linking him with Williams were interesting, that always seemed pretty unlikely, unless he happened to have a championship winning chassis stuffed down his pants. A a few million quid. The Renault/Lotus thing was a bit of a shocker, but I'm glad the monosyllabic one is back again. In no particular order, here's my reasoning: He's a brilliant driver. Sometimes. He can't be arsed. Sometimes. He confused the hell out of Ferrari. 6 World Champs on the grid! He likes choc ices. He told Martin Brundle he'd been for a s**t. He doesn't give a damn what anyone thinks about him. He clearly LOVES being awkward. He was born in Espoo (hee heee!) There you go. I think that proves my point (not that

Sorry. Couldn't resist that. In one of F1's many name changes, French youngster Charles Pic will actually be pedalling a Marussia Cosworth next year, as Virgin get a name change as well as a young driver in place of D'Ambrosio. Pic arrives from a 4th place finish in GP2 this year, and is just 21 years old. The days of future stars starting off in a tiddly team at the back of the grid seem to be on the wane somewhat - Ricciardo doesn't count, as he was plonked in an HRT by Red Bull cash - so Charles' future seems uncertain, but he's the first French chappie in F1 for a while, so that's jolly splendid, isn't it? Just so you know, I'm copyrighting the phrase 'Pic Axed' for when he gets dumped.

Today, I had my first day off work for 2 years, having succumbed to that most evil and debilitating of ailments - Man Flu. I'd forgotten quite how dull it is spending the day doing sod all and feeling sorry for yourself. Still, I had a tin of soup for tea and some cold mash I found in the fridge, so... Winning! In case you're wondering where the Better Half is, she felt so sorry for me she buggered off out to her work Christmas do. Can't say I blame her - the pathetic coughing and sudden temperature changes annoys the hell out of me to. Having woken up at 2am feeling like I'd been gargling razorblades, it was no surprise I slept in a touch. Mind you, you know you're getting old when that means 9am, even when you're ill. I missed the opportunity to go for a beer with the boss on our last day in the office, and also missed out on bidding farewell to a colleague who was leaving today. I did send him an abusive message on twitter though, so that should be ju

*sniffle* This is it then. Fantasy Formula 1 is over for another year. What will you do all winter?! Will you cope? Does anyone actually care? Is anyone really OUT THERE? Can Kimi have a choc ice now? There's just the stats'n'stuff to get out of the way. Brace yourselves... Naughty corner? Even Lewis & Felipe made-up. Just for a change... no-one! Hero: Doubt we’ll see him again, but Rubens – dignified and cheery, friendly and honest. There aren’t many of those left in Formula 1. Fantasy Formula 1 driver of the day was Webber, with 27 points. The top 3 drivers of the season were Vettel, Button and Alonso. Honourable mentions go to Schumacher in 6th, and Heidfeld, who managed 11th, despite only competing in 11 races. The top 3 teams of the season were Red Bull, McLaren and Ferrari. Virgin punched above their weight in FF1 land, finishing 9th. Congratulations to Henry, who wins the FF1 title with an impressive 62 point lead. As last year, only 2 c

Bittersweet weekend for us BBC viewers. This was the final race, which meant it was the last outing of the best coverage F1 has ever received in the UK, for free-to-air watchers, at least. Next year us skint or anti-Murdoch types get 10 races live, and 10 lots of “highlights”, which will involve us avoiding TV, radio, shops, the internet and any kind of human contact whatsoever, in case we hear the results before we get to see a cut-down race. Still, the BBC had one last chance to end on a high-note, with a fitting farewell to great coverage, Martin Brundle (off to Sky, where he can do his job properly still) and us, the loyal viewers. Unfortunately, the transmission of the F1 Forum conked out with 10 minutes left, and we had to sit in front of the unintentionally, but oh-so, ironic message: APOLOGIES FOR THE LOSS OF COVERAGE. You’re sorry? Not as sorry as I am, matey. And if someone could kindly explain to Jake Humphrey that getting some extra post-race info doesn’t make w

Lovely to see such a fitting end to the BBC's coverage yesterday. The F1 Forum was drawing towards the end (after the BBC's excellent coverage of the last few years, and the knowledge that Brundle is off to Sky), when everything abruptly vanished part way through a Button interview, and was replaced with a message saying WE APOLOGISE FOR THE LOSS OF COVERAGE. Oh, how very ironic. And it never came back. So that's how it ends - the best coverage of F1 we've ever had didn't even make it to it's final goodbye. Anyway, I've got all winter to bang on about that (and trust me I WILL), so, by way of light relief, here's the results from the Brazilian GP: And..... drumroll, please.... here's the final totals! I came 18th!! In my own competition!! Arsebiscuits! Well done, Henry. And well done all of you. I've a special medal for everyone that took part, just as soon as the cornflakes packet is empty and I can find the glitter glue from th

Hello, Other Stuff fans. Here we are again, then. I guess you'll be wanting stats'n'that, right? Righty-ho... Fantasy Formula 1 driver of the day was Hamilton, with 27 points. Well done to Henry, who becomes the first person (and maybe the only?) to clear 1000 FF1 points. Bad weekend for Heather – a 6 point total adds her to the worst 3 scores of the season... for the 3rd time. The top 3 drivers so far are Vettel, Button and Alonso. Heidfeld may only have done 11 races, but he’s still in the top 10! The top 3 teams so far are Red Bull, McLaren and Ferrari. Rubens’ feisty drive sees the Williams team move all the way up to 10th. Although he didn’t come first in this race, Henry still extends his lead to a (season-winning?) 75 points. Leaders to date: Heather (1 race), Neil (3), Me (4), Ian (1), Me again (1), Ian again (1), Henry (7). Front to back gap? A hoofing 521 points. Henry has more than double the points of Jon. Fantasy Formula 1: Where Rubens j

Abu Dhabi – it’s amazingly shiny, but a bit dull, right? Bunging a couple of DRS zones in should sort that though, surely? Well, it did help a bit... but not a lot. Pre-race talk was once again about Hamilton, who was busy complaining to the BBC that the fact that he didn’t have a girlfriend, Dad, friends, hairdresser, cat, manicurist, cat’s manicurist or that chap he used to go to school with but hadn’t seen for 5 years with him at every race was the reason Jenson was doing better than him. Um... OK, then. Jenson, meanwhile, was busy growing a fetching moustache and just bloody well getting on with it. Quali had a pause in Q2 whilst pieces of highly un-tech bollard were removed, and an exciting last-gasp battle saw Button, Hamilton and finally Vettel grabbing pole in rapid succession. Seb equalled Mansell’s 14 poles in a season record, whilst the team the grumbly Brummie had so much success with, Williams, delivered their worst qualifying session in living memory, with too

Evenin', kiddlywinkies! Have you been behaving yourselves? No? Good. Nice to see Hamilton win, wasn't it? Mind you, I could do without all the "needing a bubble around me like Jenson's got" stuff. I don't know about you, but I can never do my job properly unless my wife, closest family members and mates are there too. And if I do happen to have a great day in the office, I always put an orange shirt on and drench myself in champagne. Do I sound miserable? Yes? Good. Anyway, here's the moment that almost nobody has been waiting for! Its the Fantasy Formula 1 scores!! Followed by the really rather interesting (honest) running totals! Back tomorrow with the race report. It'll need some work - I wrote it last week with "Seb wins again" as the plotline. Damn crappy tyres. (Continuing my musical alphabetical journey through my CD collection, and I've finally reached The Beatles, starting off with "The Early Tapes Of The B

Well, now. Here we all are again. Some of us have, no doubt, had a fascinating day. Others have probably been discussing the correct pluralisation of the word Fez with their niece via twitter. *ahem* Anyway, there's the small matter of getting the brightly coloured blobs of information that look like dog food but taste like fire out of the tablecloth of facts that was the Indian GP, Fantasy Formula 1-wise. Clear? No... me neither. It seemed like a good metaphor with a cunning Indian twist at one point, but it all went horribly, horribly wrong somewhere.... So, whilst I hand myself over to the Crimes Against The English Language Police, here's the stats: Naughty corner? Hmmm.... it'd be dull to go for Hamilton yet again, and the Massa incident looked more like a plain-old racing one, rather than the boy from Brazil's fault... so... no-one. Blimey. Hero: He only came 10th, but Perez avoided the first lap carnage and managed to drag his Sauber up to 10th. Way

New track, exciting layout, great corners, dusty - on paper, the shiny new Indian GP should have been a belter. Initial jitters and teething problems (multiple power failures, commentary boxes with no windows, dog caused red flagging of FP1) happily melted away in the 30C sunshine, but at least one thing was constant - Hamilton was in trouble with the F1 fuzz yet again, failing to slow down while yellow flags were being enthusiastically waved during practice, netting him a 3 place grid penalty, along with Perez. For Lewis, 2nd in quali became 5th on the grid, leaving a Red Bull lockout at the front, with Seb on pole again, followed by Webber, Alonso and Button. Vettel scampered off at the start - that's all you really need to know about his race, as no-one got ahead of him for the duration. Jenson tried hard (as usual), but never got the gap down enough to mount a challenge. Jenson passed Webber after the first few corners, whilst multiple shunts occurred down the cheaper

So is that it, then? Is Lewis definitely off Felipe's Christmas Card list now? Looked like a promising race, but in the end it seemed to encapsulate the season so far: Easy stroll for Seb, Jenson good, Alonso and Webber thereabouts, Hamilton and Massa swapping bodywork and insults. Ah well. You'll be pleased to hear that, as far as FF1 goes, I'm still in free fall. At the rate I'm descending, expect a particularly loud 'thud' as I hit the bottom. Here's the results then... And just so you can laugh at me, here are the running totals too... Bah. And is it too early for "humbug"? (Angst of FF1 being eased by Joan Armatrading's "Love And Affection: Classics (1975-1983)".)

Two F1 weekends in a row. Mmmmmm.... Sadly, for us skint BBC viewers who can't afford to get a dustbin lid nailed to the side of their home, that's almost certainly the last time it'll ever happen, in terms of the full, live, coverage at least. If the Beeb only show half the races live next year, I doubt they'll show consecutive ones only a week apart. Permission to say arsebiscuits? ARSEBISCUITS! Anyway, on with the show! Here's the driver and team stats for you. Naughty corner? Petrov. He came from so far back in that attempt to pass Schumi, he actually started the move last month. Foolish boy. Hero: I think that goes to the blue-eyed superstar DJ Alguerserious. Finishing 7th means you've only been bettered by Ferrari, McLaren and Red Bull. And he did it in a Toro Rosso. Nice work! Now, turn that racket down. Fantasy Formula 1 driver of the day was Herr DoublePointyfinger, with a stout 27 points. The top 3 drivers so far are Vettel, Button and

RIP Dan Wheldon 

Odd one, the Korean GP, isn't it? Good track, which the drivers seem to like, but the place just looks deserted. I guess that's what happens when you drop a GP track in the middle of nowhere and hope people will turn up. Or maybe it was the absence of EJ from the BBC team - I hear he's banned as his shirts incite capitalist yearnings. Once again, practice made it seem likely that someone other than a Red Bull would be on pole. This time it was actually true, though. It certainly looked like Lewis Hamilton, but the strange, subdued, non-smiling chap that got out of the car and proceeded to display little in the way of emotion throughout interviews afterwards seemed pretty far removed from the Hamilton we normally see. This one was the F1 equivalent of Windows Safe Mode - it worked, but with a lot of the functionality removed... but also the errors. Hail RoboHamilton! HamBot got away well from the grid too, but was robbed of the lead by Vettel within a couple of cor

Greetings. I am RoboHamilton. I look like Hamilton. I drive like Hamilton (but without the silly accidents). I talk like Hamilton (but without the sulking and att-e-choood). I have no joyful emotions. I am unfamiliar with the concept of smiling. I am, however, capable of finishing races on the podium. Oh, and I don't have that silly chinstrap beard. What's that all about anyway?! So... other than the looks.... I'm nothing like Hamilton, am I? #robofail (Score calculation accompanied tonight by Toris Amos - yes, I am still on the letter A - and her '99 album "To Venus And Back".)

It's Tuesday, Tuesday, gotta get down on Tuesday! Or perhaps not. Whilst Herr Doublepointyfinger recovers from a massive hangover and some choice karaoke, we have the small matter of some random facts and stats to round up. Starting off with... driver and team stats! Naughty corner: Yes, you've guessed it. My vote yet again goes to trouble-magnet extraordinaire, Lewis Hamilton. A dozy moment in quali, then a careless moment in the race. With Massa. Again. Plank. Hero: Seb doesn't need any other prizes, so I'm handing this one to Rosberg, who quietly sneaked up from 23rd on the grid to 10th. Tidy. Bad news this race for Heather, as she adds herself to the worst 3 scores of the year for a second time, with a tiddly 6 points. Fantasy Formula 1 drivers of the day were Button and Rosberg, who both scored 27 points. The top 3 drivers so far are Vettel on 337, Button with 260 and Alonso on 246. Quick Nick is still 8th! The top 3 teams so far are Re

Just a little question; If Mr Pointyfinger (now know as Mr DoublePointyfinger) were to bag a 3rd title next year, what will he stick in the air? Or shouldn't I go there (both championship and appendage-wise)? As F1 landed in Japan, it seemed more definite that Seb would bag the title than the terrifying certainty that watching the X-Factor lowers your (already dangerously low) IQ. To be fair, it had seemed pretty much a forgone conclusion since about June. Still, the practice sessions seemed to suggest that he might not get to win the race, so there was cause for minor optimism. Rosberg got to sit in the car a lot on Saturday, but without the benefit of actually being able to drive it anywhere thanks to a hydraulics problem, so his grid slot was number 23. I'm guessing he didn't know the numbers went that high. Meanwhile, Lewis was busy turning the strength on his trouble magnet up to full and managed to go slowly enough on his last-gasp out lap at the end of Q3 th

So, well done Mr double-pointyfinger. 2nd championship in the bag, and still 4 races left too. That nice Mr Button showed you up a bit today though, didn't he? Maybe that chop you did on him at the start annoyed him and got his ire up a bit. Whilst Seb wanders off with the title, in Fantasy Formula 1 land it's still very much game on for the title. Talking of which, here's what you all scored (that grinding noise is my teeth, by the way)... And here's that running total. I say running... looks like I've started crawling. Bah. (Continuing my alphabetical journey through my CD collection, I'm STILL on the letter 'A', and am currently listening to Alisha's Attic's 2001 album "The House We Built".)

Right then. It would appear my cellar is haunted by a ghost that steals nails. Pretty niche I know, but that's what I'm contending with. That and the fact that, 38 years ago, someone used the Daily Mirror as insulation. Yes. My life is strange, isn't it? Thanks for pointing that out. Anyway, here's the driver and team stats following the Singapore GP at the weekend... Naughty corner: Getting that vote yet again this season (its the only thing he's winning) is Lewis Hamilton. Another clumsy, desperate move on Massa. The only good thing about this is that the earstudded one has stopped complaining that he's being victimised by the stewards. Does this mean he's realised he's driving like a prat? Almost certainly not, no. Hero: On the other side of the McLaren garage, Button quietly got on with it and once again put in a no-dramas quality race to 2nd place. Who's best McLaren driver this season? (Clue: Not Lewis.) Fantasy Formula 1 driver of

Gotta love the Singapore GP. I have what I describe as a ‘vintage’ TV. Its fair to say that others call it ‘old, crappy and it doesn’t even have telextext’, but the Singapore race even looks good on my old Sony box (although widescreen means big black areas at the top and bottom, so I have to go in-between, or I can’t read the positions). And, as a special treat this year, Seb had a sparkly helmet! There is something about a night race though – it just seems that extra bit magical. Petrov probably didn’t find much magical in qualifying though – a slightly-faster lap by his new team-mate Senna saw him drop out in Q1. Kobayashi went flying in Q2, bringing out the red flag whilst bits of Sauber were scraped off the sky, and Hamilton sent out an early warning for a stormy race ahead, by failing to get out in time for a final run and copping a puncture. Yet again, the rain failed to arrive on race day (I won’t be doing that naked rain dance in the street again) and as the red l

I was starting to think Massa couldn't pull off any dramatic moves, startle another driver by suddenly pouncing or frighten the hell out of one of his competitors by coming out of nowhere. Then he make Hamilton look like a berk by smacking him on the back, telling him what a 'great job' he'd done and giving him the most damning of all hand gestures - a thumbs up with a sarcy grin. Lewis managed a rather feeble "don't touch me, man" in return. Advantage to the titchy Brazilian. Brilliant. Anyway, you're here for the FF1 scores, unless I'm very much mistaken. Here you go then! And now, the running totals. As you can see, Henry is Seb-like in his dominance, whilst I'm doing a Schumi and crashing out big-time. Ah well - another year without the title for me then. (Memo to self - rig the rules next time, idiot.) (I'm listening to all my CD's in alphabetical order. As I own quite a lot of them, the fact that I'm only up to

Well, hello. Jolly nice of you to drop by. Pull up a chair, pour yourself a stiff one and join me, your miserable host, for some random FF1 stuff to do with the really rather splendid Italian GP. First up, here's the driver and team statistics! Woo! Yeah! Naughty corner: I would say "stand up Tonio Liuzzi", but he'd probably get that wrong, fall over and knock several innocent upright people onto the floor too... Hero: JB was outstanding once again. Whilst Lewis spent most of the race trying to pass Schumi, Jenson bided his time then nailed both of them. Star. Fantasy Formula 1 driver of the day was the Aluersaurus, with a fab 28 points. The top three drivers so far are Vettel on 295, Button (up 1) with 213 and Alonso (up 1) on 208. Webber drops out of the top 3. Whilst everyone pats Bruno Senna on the back, let us forget not little Nick Heidfeld, who is still the 7th best FF1 driver! The top three teams so far are Red Bull on 299, McLaren with 290 and

Ah, Monza. Another of the old-school circuits, where the lack of huge pit buildings, shiny surfaces everywhere and buckets of cash means it's all about the racing. And a flippin' good one it was too - if you ignore Seb. One Italian got of to a flier for his home race at least, as Trulli somewhat surprisingly got re-signed by Lotus. I though he was bound to get dropped at the end of the year, but hey. Seems that, now he's figured out how the steering works, the team are happy with him again. Toasty conditions and long straights with minimal breaking zones tends to muddle things up a bit at Monza, but that wasn't really reflected after quali, with pointyfinger half a second ahead of everyone, chased forlornly by Hamilton (new policy - don't criticize anything), Button (wear ridiculously big shades at every opportunity), Alonso (smile a lot - hope for the best), Webber (I could have been a contender) and Massa (yes, I am still driving a Ferrari. Over here! Hello

For a second, just pretend Seb doesn't exist, OK? We had a stunning race, Button won again with Alonso pleasing the Tifosi with a close 2nd place, Hamilton made the podium and everyone was happy. Well... maybe not Webber. Or anyone who happened to unfortunately be in the way of Tonio Liuzzi. Or Peter Sauber. Still, close racing, epic scraps... actually, we had all that even with Seb running off with the win yet again. Ah well. Let's just pretend eh? Will Alonso win the championship now? It's wide open.... *sigh* Scores on the doors time! Golly, I'm doing well ;-( Anyway, here's the running totals... Now, that's interesting isn't it...? (Results number-crunched with a stubby pencil to the tune of Queen 3" CD singles - currently "Tie Your Mother Down". Sound advice.)

Don't you love Bank Holidays? Lots of time to get stuff done... like sort out the Fantasy Formula 1 random bits and bobs whilst its raining. Kicking off our collection of what some are calling 'stuff' from the Belgian GP, here's the driver and team statistics: Naughty corner: Senna - first he pinched Mr. Lovelybeard's seat by flashing his bulging wallet, then he 'forgot' that the car would handle differently on cold tyres and full tanks and caused chaos at the start, ruining Alguerdoyouthinkhesaurus' chances too. Berk. Hero: Schuey or JB? Hmmmmm. Michael came from last to 4th, whilst JB went from 13th to 3rd. Looking at it that way (and seeing as it was his 200th birthday or something), I'll go with Herr Schumi. Fantasy Formula 1 driver of the day was Schumacher, with a colossal 48 points! The top three drivers so far are Vettel on 269, Webber with 206 and Button (up 2) on 193. Hamilton drops out of the top three after his little 'pr