Out of a job? Drive for Lotus!

Jarno (I like a good argument) Trulli & Crikey Heikki Kovaleinenenenen have both signed to the new Lotus team for the next 3 years, and have both been making lots of positive comments about "growing with the team" and "not expecting too much" etc etc.

Using my special F1-Speak Translator matrix (made from an old Quality Street tin, some random bits of wire and the shrink-wrap off a tray of mange-tout - ooo... much like my Fiat Punto then!), I can now reveal what these bland, corporate mutterings really mean.

Jarno: Wow, that was lucky! I'm knocking on a bit, have a reputation for holding everyone up and have only ever won one race! After Toyota packed it in, I thought I was screwed!

Heikki: Wow, that was lucky! I've been majorly shown up by Lewis, crash a bit too often and have only ever won one race! After McLaren dumped me for Jenson, I thought I was screwed!

Expect to see them in the following places next year: Jarno at the front of a big ol' queue of cars, and Heikki in a gravel trap somewhere. Except, as there will be 26 cars, you'll probably notice them even less than previously...

(Now playing: Nothing. My MP3 player is out of juice)

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Malaysian Grand Prix - Vettel hot, but not bothered

Malaysia. It's always hot, and it always rains. Except the 2nd part is no longer true (unless you count the drizzly bit around lap 14). Saturday's qualifying session had highlighted the fact that Red Bull and McLaren seemed well matched on pace, but also that Ferrari were struggling. Whilst Vettel bagged another pole, followed by Hamilton, Webber and Button, Alonso was only 5th, and Massa 7th, with Nick Heidfeld an excellent 6th on the grid between the two red cars. At this point, I would like to break momentarily for a small rant: How many times do I have to say Heidfeld is good? Why wasn't he given a top drive years ago? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! ARE YOU BLIND!!!?? Ahem. The Hispanias somehow managed to a) turn up b) remember to bring cars c) get both of them on the track d) actually get both of them within 107%. Pretty remarkable really. Oh, and it didn't rain. Race day looked a more likely candidate for a drop of the wet stuff. The start was exciting, with

I know I'll regret this...

For @Feisty_Onion @BroughtonLass @LizWestmorland Me... before the grumpiness set in. Have a great weekend.

Senna bags Willy drive?

The great thing about F1 rumours is that they change every 5 minutes. Just last week it was looking like Barrichello might be back in at Williams, as new engines, tech staff and a general reshuffle would mean they needed someone who actually knew what they were doing in an F1 car. Which rules out Maldonado, obviously. Now it looks like Senna might be about to get a seat with the team where his Uncle lost his life. I'm sure Bruno's mum must be delighted. I don't hold with all this superstitious mumbo-jumbo though, and with the extraordinary level of safety in modern F1 cars, Bruno should be pretty safe. There is one significant problem with Williams signing him though - and this is going to be a bit unpopular I suspect - Bruno isn't very good. Yes, he put in a couple of reasonable performances with Renault, but Nick Heidfeld (ah... Nick and his lovely beard...) would have been able to do likewise, has he not been dropped. And then they dropped Senna too. Thi

grumpyf1

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