grumpyf1

This time last year, I had a brainwave. It only tends to happen once a year, so I’m hoping the next one turns up soon, to be honest. I had a startling realisation, than no 44 year old bloke has ever had before – that I was unfit. Shocking, I know. How could that possibly have happened? I mean, I definitely got a fair bit of exercise – I’m a staircase owner for starters. Then there’s all that walking from the car to the office, and a fair bit of walking around the office to get cake, plus walking at the weekend to the bakers. To get cake. Cake seems to feature a bit doesn’t it? Unfortunately, all this good-quality, high-impact, activity was causing my clothes to shrink to an alarming extent, and I was afflicted by a weird kind of bloating over all my body (especially my waist), so I decided I ought to try and do something about it. But what? I mean, there’s only miles and miles of beautiful scenery just outside my door, so what could I possibly do? So I decided I might as wel...

Once upon a time, I taped my records, and listened to my favourite songs on a Walkman. It was great... as long as you wanted to listen in order, for no more than 90 minutes, stop half way through and had an endless supply of AA batteries. I used to sit in the pub with my friend Nigel, and talk about how it would be great to have something smaller than a packet of fags that could hold my entire record collection, and play it in any order I wanted. The younger, less bald, me would be startled that even my phone can do that now. And probably that I can’t eat three packets of Pork Scratchings in one night any more. The problem is, the more clever the gadgets get, with more options available to enhance your enjoyment, the less likely I am to be able to figure out what the hell it is I’m meant to be doing. Eventually, I wind up with whatever it is doing even less that before. At least I can be smug in the knowledge that it could do loads of other things if I wanted it too – and co...

Evening, sweet cheeks. Oh, sorry - I thought you were someone else. *cough* Anyway, it seems Massa has now been signed by Ferrari for 2013, giving him the exciting prospect of another 12 months to look at the back of Fernando's car AND NOTHING ELSE. This also ties in nicely with a splendid story claiming the Sebulator has already signed to Ferarri for 2014, with Nando's approval (the bushy eyebrow-owning Spanish driver, not the purveyors of chicken products). Really? Can you imagine how knackered Rob Smedley will be repeating "Fernando is faster than you, back off" endlessly on the radio? Or how high the probability would be of Fernando not hearing a message that says "let that cheeky German chap in the red car past, please, Fernando"... Still... it'd be a bloody good laugh for us, wouldn't it? Bring it on! And now, the untidy bits of Fantasy Formula 1 stuff that wouldn't fit in anywhere else, and the bin was full anyway: Naughty c...

There was barely time to catch a lungful of exhaust fumes between the Japanese and Korean races, but it allowed enough of a gap for Peter Sauber, now 69, to formally hand of the reigns of his team to Monisha Kaltenbourn, making her the first female Team Principal in a notoriously male-dominated world. Korea again supplied a race that seemed to have been dropped into a field from the sky at random, without time to tell anyone where it was, so devoid of atmosphere (and punters) was it’s slot on the calendar. Q1 saw Senna out again (and an even greater likelihood of him losing his seat at the end of the season), whilst Hamilton and Alonso barely squeaked through. Vergne parked his Toro Roso towards the end of Q2, wrecking several flying laps for his fellow competitors, notably Button, who would up a despondent 11th, whilst any chance of the title sailed off into the sunset. Perez and Kobayashi failed to make the cut too, leaving only Hulkenberg as the surprise in the final 10. ...

Crikey. I've got a sudden feeling of deja-vu. Crikey. I've got a sudden feeling of deja-vu. Vettel wins 3 races on the trot, takes the lead of the championship and heads serenely towards back-to-back title number 3? How old is he? 25?! The legend that is The Firm's "Star Trekkin'" was number one whe he was born. Yes, he's that young. And yes, there are Klingons on the starboard bow. Still, at least popular music has moved on, and the charts aren't ruled by strange novelty records. Gangnam Style you say? Never heard of it...   RACE RESULT     Position Name Points 1 Ollie C 88 2 Scott 75 3 Elmon 74 =4 Olie B 72 =4 Ian S 72 6 Claire 68 7 Chris 66 8 Tony 61 9 Paul ...