Bit of Willy/Sickly Schumi/New Ferrari/Hulky the 3rd

As none of these stories seemed to warrant a full article (and frankly I'm just plain lazy), here's a news round-up from the last few days, Jenwis-style....

BIT OF WILLY

The Williams team are considering selling shares, but not to raise funds. Eh? Seriously though - who wouldn't want to own a share in one of the most highly respected F1 teams ever? How much, Frank...?

SICKLY SCHUMI

It's fair to say that his questionable ethics have sometime made viewers pretty sick, not to mention Rubens. But apparently, the Schu-meister gets all giddy and poorly when driving an F1 simulator. Slight drawback that. although apparently it's not a problem at all. Of course not. Take some travel sickness pills (those funny tasting pink ones) and get on with it, Michael.

NEW FERRARI

They didn't manage to come first in anything last year, but by way of consolation, Ferrari will be the first team to launch their new car this season... TOMORROW! Stand by for me to be over-excitable again....

HULKY THE 3RD

With Paul di Resta confirmed at Force India, the Incredible Hulkenberg has has to settle into the role of test driver at the same team, although FI's positive policy of actually letting the 3rd driver get in the car on Fridays now and again should keep him in touch. He'll be hoping di Resta or Sutil have a poor season....

(Resolutely uncool tonight, but I really don't give a damn - listening to Billy Joel's "The Ultimate Collection".)

Comments

Making an exhibition of yourself

Now and again, it’s good to reaffirm that you’re a (relatively) normal human being. One excellent way of doing this is to go to a business exhibition. Despite what you might have surmised from reading my previous columns, I am employable, and even capable of acting like a regular person most of the time, even joining in the Monday morning conversation about the weather over the weekend, and why (insert name of footyballs manager here) should be fired immediately. The mug! True, there are times, often involving a caffeine deficiency, where it is like having the distilled essence of ten moody teenagers in the room, but I try and get that out of the way when people I genuinely like aren’t around to see it. As part of my ongoing experiment with what others call ‘working’, my ‘job’ involves me occasionally needing to go and see what some of my colleagues get up to outside the office, and what our competitors do to try and make sure that they do whatever my colleagues do better than ...

Unstable Stables: Throw away the key

It’s comforting to know that there is one less threat to the people of Cumbria this week, following the conviction of white supremacist, Ethan Stables. The 20 year old from Barrow had planned to attack the town’s New Empire pub in June 2017, in the midst of a gay pride event. Despite social media posts saying he was “going to war” and planning to “slaughter”, online searches about how to make bombs and chemical poisons, and expressing hatred of Muslims, Jews and gay people, he claimed his online comments were merely to impress far-right friends. Fortunately, following Facebook posts about his intentions, the police were tipped off and armed officers intercepted him as he headed towards the pub. His aim was to kill anyone he found, with a machete. In a bizarre slip-up, Stables had erroneously added an innocent woman to his neo-Nazi Facebook group. When he vented his outrage at the Furness LGBT support group’s event, the shocked woman contacted the authorities. He’ll have ple...

Is it foggy? No.

When I get put in charge (which is bound to happen soon), I'm going to introduce a whole raft of new laws, for I shall be a just and fair ruler. I'm quite liking the title of 'Most Marvellous Emperor Of Sensible Regulations And Bountiful Lovingness Not To Mention Exceedingly Handsome', but it might be a bit long. On that basis, I'll settle for the more informal 'He Who Is Smashing' from my loyal subjects. Anyway, I digress. I do that sometimes - had you noticed? Here, then, is the first law that will introduced: grumpyf1 law No.1 - Turn your fog lights off, you complete git. Don't get me wrong; If it genuinely is foggy, fog lights are quite handy. The reason for introduction of this law is because 96% of the time (based on my own in-depth research) it isn't foggy when some utter cockwomble blinds you. This has always been a bit of a problem but in the last couple of years it seems to have escalated out of control, possibly because of the...

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