It’s Armchair F1 time!

A weekend of frantic sporting activity beckons, as I try to decide if I’ve got enough time to nip off and make another cuppa without missing any coverage of the British Grand Prix.

For someone whose sporting knowledge outside of Formula 1 means knowing “there’s some tennis thing on”, it’s a very special weekend, as many of the UK’s F1 teams face their most arduous travelling experience of the year. In some cases, this logistical nightmare entails as much as half a mile’s journey, all the way to the Silverstone Circuit in Nottinghamshire.

Having made the journey once myself, I can confirm that you do have to get up before you went to bed to ensure a good viewing point, and it is possible to get a sun-tan on one side of your body only - which is a useful conversation point if you run out of things to talk to colleagues about on Monday after they’ve got over the shock of how much you willingly paid for a T-shirt covered in sponsor logos.

Whilst the season so far has largely featured the two Mercedes team drivers battling it out for the top spot, there is a good chance of a scrap between them again this weekend, with the added excitement that it is possible some of the other teams are actually catching them up a bit.

If you’re unfamiliar with F1, here’s a handy list of the Brits in with a chance of the win on home... er... tarmac:

1) Lewis Hamilton

Yup, that’s it. Hamilton’s silver Merc is a likely victor, whilst McLaren’s Jenson Button will be in a epic battle of his own, as he waits to see if his car will actually manage more than a couple of laps, and faces the depressing fact that he’s got about as much chance of taking his first ever podium place at his home race after 15 years of trying as I have of winning Miss World, even if I do shave my legs and wear a mankini.

So dismal is the current McLaren (largely down to it’s new Honda engine) that grid penalties may well see Jenson starting somewhere in rural Oxfordshire, and needing to do a full circuit of the M25 before crossing the start line... assuming the engine lasts that long.

The only other Brit on the grid this year, Will Stevens, is in a Marussia. If you’re not sure if a Marussia is any good, imagine donning your helmet and walking along a row of gleaming Harley Davidsons, only to discover your ride is the rusty push bike at the end. Without a saddle.

Still, as almost all of the teams, irrespective of their officially declared nationality, are based in England, we should be able to enjoy a British win, even if Hamilton fails to deliver.

And that most British of things might liven it all up too – there’s a bit of rain forecast.

See you on the sofa. I’ll be the one wearing a faded Damon Hill baseball cap.

This post might have first appeared as my "Thank grumpy it's Friday column", in the North West Evening Mail, on the 3rd of July 2015. I say "might have" as I've no idea if last week's did - my print edition never arrived in the post, and no columns have been added to their website in over a month.

Still, you're reading them, so that's OK. If you fancy keeping an eye out for any appearing on the paper's website, take a look here.

Although it's about half past five here, I've yet to see the qualifying session from earlier today - with the great British weather being splendidly fickle as usual, it seemed wise to get an hour or so in up at the allotment whilst the sun was shining. I'll watch is during a well-deserved curry this evening. I'm guessing Hamilton is on pole?

Huge thanks if you are reading this - my blog has now received more than 60,000 views, which is startling when you think about it.

Doing the maths on readers of the print copy of the paper, if I take the bold assumption that all of the approximately 20,000 daily readers take the time to read my efforts, then that would mean more than 3 and quarter million people might have been baffled as to how come I'm still allowed to do this each week. Scary...

(Finishing off the CD singles now, with a bunch of the short-lived 3" format version, and a set of 12 quite rare Queen ones, replicating their single releases up to 1988. Currently enjoying a spot of Body Language. As you do...)

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It’s comforting to know that there is one less threat to the people of Cumbria this week, following the conviction of white supremacist, Ethan Stables. The 20 year old from Barrow had planned to attack the town’s New Empire pub in June 2017, in the midst of a gay pride event. Despite social media posts saying he was “going to war” and planning to “slaughter”, online searches about how to make bombs and chemical poisons, and expressing hatred of Muslims, Jews and gay people, he claimed his online comments were merely to impress far-right friends. Fortunately, following Facebook posts about his intentions, the police were tipped off and armed officers intercepted him as he headed towards the pub. His aim was to kill anyone he found, with a machete. In a bizarre slip-up, Stables had erroneously added an innocent woman to his neo-Nazi Facebook group. When he vented his outrage at the Furness LGBT support group’s event, the shocked woman contacted the authorities. He’ll have ple...

Is it foggy? No.

When I get put in charge (which is bound to happen soon), I'm going to introduce a whole raft of new laws, for I shall be a just and fair ruler. I'm quite liking the title of 'Most Marvellous Emperor Of Sensible Regulations And Bountiful Lovingness Not To Mention Exceedingly Handsome', but it might be a bit long. On that basis, I'll settle for the more informal 'He Who Is Smashing' from my loyal subjects. Anyway, I digress. I do that sometimes - had you noticed? Here, then, is the first law that will introduced: grumpyf1 law No.1 - Turn your fog lights off, you complete git. Don't get me wrong; If it genuinely is foggy, fog lights are quite handy. The reason for introduction of this law is because 96% of the time (based on my own in-depth research) it isn't foggy when some utter cockwomble blinds you. This has always been a bit of a problem but in the last couple of years it seems to have escalated out of control, possibly because of the...

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