grumpyf1

"Mushy peas? One slice or two..?" Cumbria is great at a hell of a lot of things. Fabulous tourist attractions, breathtaking scenery, attractive sheep, innovative small businesses and miles of dry stone walls, for instance. Where did all that stone come from, by the way? Is that why the lakes are there? So when Transport Focus, the travel watchdog, issued the results of it’s survey about England’s best motorway service stations, I presumed Cumbria would be right up there. We are on the list. Just not at the top. No, that was Norton Canes on the M6 Toll road in Staffordshire, and they’re right. It’s dreamy. There were 111 pee and petrol stop-offs on the list, and Cumbria’s Southwaite (Northbound) on the M6 bagged the coveted 109th place on the list. Bravo, Moto. You may operate two of the top five, but you also ‘run’ four out of the worst five. The surveyors asked 9,600 customers what they thought about the essential things that make your break for ridiculously expens...

Nice car... you MONSTER! Yes, we have got some rain.  As upstanding Brits, it is our solemn duty to mention this straight away in any conversation, but there’s a problem – we haven’t had much, have we? You’re more likely to have spent time on one of Cumbria’s beaches than get caught in a downpour over the last month. The plentiful sunshine and absence of rain has presented us with a horrifying conflict of interests – we quite like it sunny and warm, but it’s tough not being able to complain about precipitation. Whilst we’ve somewhat offset that pain by grumbling about it being too hot, or how it’s bad for the lawn, our need to moan will soon be well and truly saturated. Come the 5th of August, there will be a (pause for dramatic effect) hosepipe ban! United Utilities (UU) will be invoking the temporary restriction, which will see seven million people in the North West needing to pipe down for a bit. With the weather forecast continuing to feature unusually high amounts ...

"You'll see me right, won't you guys? Guys? Hello?" Tough week?  Maybe the kids were playing up, your chosen team spectacularly failed to achieve what you’d hoped, or you had problems at work. Theresa May’s Brexit-themed week from hell featured all of these. Those pesky children, Boris Johnson and David Davis, left home in a right old huff. Her team are in a constant state of flux and no nearer figuring out a Brexit deal with the EU, and describing her last seven days as “problematic” is like saying Gareth Southgate is OK-ish. v DaDa and BoJo aren’t the only CabiTubbies to have quit this week, with Maria Caulfield and Ben Bradley both leaving their vice-chair roles in the Conservative party. Mrs May, forced into a hasty reshuffle to fill the vacant cabinet seats, announced after her latest incarnation had met that she was “looking ahead to a busy week”. She might as well have added “and looking over my shoulder to see who’s going to stab me in the back next...

"Excuse me whilst I say something mind-bogglingly stupid..." It’s a tough time for Brits in Formula 1. Both British teams, McLaren and Williams, are a million miles away from their championship-dominating glory years. McLaren are in a perilous 6th place, and Williams 10th. In case you’re unfamiliar with F1, and think that sounds OK-ish – there are only 10 teams. Whilst brilliant British drivers have won many titles (Hunt, a couple of Hills, Button, Mansell etc.), 2018’s championship boasts just one driver from our fair isles – Lewis Hamilton. To be fair, he is pretty handy, having bagged four titles himself. With the British Grand Prix taking place at Silverstone this weekend, if you want to support your home team or driver, you’re probably going to need to back just Lewis. If either of the two teams manage to have the first car past the chequered flag, I’ll be talking next week about the most dramatic race in history, whilst bookies sob uncontrollably. It’s been ...

Bubbles: You remember those, right?  Admit it – you’d seen the stories online or in the papers about a C02 shortage.  And you shrugged. Possibly even said “Meh”, then went back to talking about the football, or how it hasn’t been this hot for absolutely ages. Well, now is the time to start taking this a bit more seriously. Gas is no laughing matter (with the possible exception of Laughing gas, obviously) and stocks of the C02 variety running out just got very serious - The wholesaler Booker has started rationing sales of beer and cider. Trade shoppers will now only be able to purchase a measly ten cases of beer, and five of cider. Even carbonated soft drinks sales are being restricted too. Imagine... no fizzy beer, bubbly cider or cans of sugary stuff that makes you burp unnecessarily. Troubling times indeed. With the hot conditions set to continue into the weekend (and with the footy still on the tele), things are looking bleak for bubbly beverage lovers. But it...