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A burning issue

My recent adventure of being awoken at 3.45 by two fire engines was well and truly trumped by Smethwick this week, which had 200 fire personnel tackling a blaze at a recycling centre.

And what triggered the inferno, which saw 100,000 tonnes of plastics ablaze? A Chinese lantern. A little while earlier, someone had set it on it’s catastrophic journey, watched is gently float away, and probably thought “Ah. How beautiful.”

Maybe they were mourning the passing of a loved one, or celebrating a wedding, or were at a party. After it had drifted out of sight, they probably thought no more of it. I sincerely hope they watched the news on Monday with a sense of horror and guilt that it might have been their little lantern that triggered this massive blaze.

Ah well – it’s just some old plastic eh? No real harm done, right? No? On the very same day, 19 firefighters died in Arizona, doing their jobs. Any blaze puts a fire crew at risk, not to mention the lives of members of the public. Even if, mercifully, no-one is even injured, it’s still wrecked someone’s property and maybe their livelihood.

By releasing one of these things, you play the part of the random arsonist – no-one knows where you’ll strike, how much damage you’ll cause, how much misery you might be creating.

And then there’s the risk to livestock: Whilst many of the current lanterns are made with bamboo, some still have wire frames. Either way, they land in farmers fields and, even if they don’t cause a fire, leave their remains to get eaten, caught in farm machinery, or startle animals.

There’s also the false alarms, with sightings out at sea triggering fruitless rescue missions, as more time and money is wasted searching for a flare that never was, from a boat that doesn’t exist. Factor in the risk factor for crews, and again it’s possible to see how one little lantern can have a disastrous effect.

As witnessed in Smethwick (and a large part of the West Midlands, shrouded in acrid smoke and with ash raining down), the fire risk is real. Yes, they mostly extinguish themselves before landing, or fall where they do no harm. Once in a while, they don’t. This incident highlights the potential for far greater damage than a singed field, or traumatised cat.

There have even been concerns that these things could get sucked into aircraft engines, which is genuinely a terrifying thought. Want to remember someone who had died? Don’t burn your cash – make a donation to a charity they supported instead. Want to celebrate a wedding? Get everyone to write a message on a postcard, and send them once a month for the next few years instead. Party? Cheesy Wotsits are nice.

Would you strap a lit candle randomly on your head, forget it, then wander round all day? School? Newsagents? Petrol station..? No, of course not.

Don’t set something on fire when you don’t know where it’s going. That’s flaming stupid.

This post first appeared in my 'Thank grumpy it's Friday' column in the North West Evening Mail, on the 5th of July 2013. You can view it on their website here Just for a change, they used it completely unedited, including the title. I should try being serious more often...

(Still working my way through my CD collection alphabetically. Now onto Ultravox, and the rather splendid 'Lament' album from one of my favourite years, 1984.)

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