Can I just check something with you?
It’s been worrying me for a couple of weeks now and it’s about time I developed a decent (if
irrational) obsession - It is May, isn’t it? And not March? Right. I’m a bit
confused then.
March featured temperatures well in to the 20’s, beautiful
sunshine, and the worrying sight of me with more than one button of my shirt
undone. Steady, ladies. So far, May has featured rain, chilliness, frosts,
hail, more chilliness, more rain, parkiness and very occasional bits of
sunshine. Before it rains again. I’ve even been unsure if what I can see is
blossom from trees drifting down or a bit of snow. Frankly, even that wouldn’t
surprise me.
In fact, just about the only thing to prove we haven’t just
got the months starting with ‘M’ muddled up is that it’s not completely dark at
10pm now, which is a bit unfortunate, really. It just gives us more time to
spot how damn cold it is and yet another opportunity to stare forlornly as more
precipitation deposits itself liberally outside.
Whilst much of England recently had drought orders lifted (and
residents wearing wellies, bailing out their living rooms and wondering why they
couldn’t use a hose pipe when their flowerbeds were under 6 inches of water, pondered
the irony), here in Cumbria the weather has been surprisingly... normal. Normal
for Cumbria, anyway.
It should be a bit warmer though. I’m still wearing a shirt,
jumper and coat first thing in the morning at the moment. And then I have to
get out of bed to go to work, too.
Is there someone we can write to about this? Surely money
spent on the Leveson Inquiry could be redirected so that we can find a solution
to this terrible problem. After all, I could have told you it was somewhat
dodgy to hack people’s phones, and that those (allegedly) in charge should have
known about it, and I’d have done it for ten quid and a slap up lunch from the
chip shop. And without needing to call celebrities as witnesses. You could then spend the millions of pounds
saved on... well, I don’t know, really. That’s why we need the research, see?
Of course, Ma Nature has an interesting way of making you
look like a prat at any opportunity. By the time you read this, it’ll probably
be 25C, sunny, and North West Tonight will have Eno Unpronounceablesurname (wearing
yet another outfit designed to test the colour-tolerance level of your TV)
warning us about the dangers of UV exposure.
So is there anything I, you, or anyone else can do about it?
Nope. The best we can hope for is that’ll it’ll warm up eventually, and to make
sure we know where our brolly is at all times.
There is one bright spot though. We all get to have a damn
good moan about the weather. I feel better already.
Have a good weekend.
If you can. (This post first appeared in my 'Thank grumpy it's Friday' column in the North West Evening Mail on Friday 18th May 2012. Or 'yesterday' as it's sometimes known. This is the unedited version - you can view the printed/online version here: http://www.nwemail.co.uk/home/columns where it was retitled 'Have we got the months mixed up?' by their wise sub-editors. My continuation probably depends on comments, so please go there and leave one. A nice one, if you like. Ta.)
(Grooving to a compilation called 'Extended Seventies', a bunch of 12" versions of late 70's stuff. I just listened to the 16+ minute version of Love To Love You Baby by Donna Summer. Just nipping off for a cold shower...)
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