The Monaco GP, as is often the case, was all about shunts.
It all started in P3 when Liuzzi confirmed that the HRT is only held together with the sort of glue that usually has glitter in and is wielded by 4 year olds who have scissors with rounded tips, as his car disintegrated along a bit or armco. Rosberg added to the general mess by losing control coming out of the tunnel, whacking the barriers and narrowly missing a very big shunt as he skimmed past the tek-pro protection that was shortly to get the ultimate test.
Mercedes commendably stuck Nico's car back together and he made it out into quali and into the top 10. As, impressively, did Perez, but that was where young Sergio's luck ran out big time, as a near-duplicate of Rosberg's accident stayed the same until the moment the tek-pro took the full force of his car sideways. A worrying time followed, but it seems he's OK, although still under observation is hospital.
No-one managed to go faster in the remaining few minutes, and Hamilton had his only time deleted after cutting a chicane. He then had a good whinge about it, which was most unlike him. Oh hang on.... no, it was exactly like him recently. And it was going to get worse too...
The race was a mind-altering blur of activity. Vettel led away from pole, with Alonso nipping past 4th placed Webber, whilst Schumi, recovering from a terrible start, nipped past Hamilton before the end of the first lap. Hamilton stayed close and eventually got the place back, but I'm guessing it didn't lighten his mood all that much, having started from 9th.
Both Merc drivers struggled badly and started to go backwards through the field as Button made an early first stop on lap 18. Red Bull belied their championship credentials by doing a passable Keystone Cops impersonation as both their drivers encountered either tyres with blankets on, or no tyres at all.
Hamilton similarly showed up in the pits to find his team hadn't, then followed it up with a late attempt to get past Massa, causing the hapless Brazillian to crash out on lap 35, bringing out the Safety Car for the first time this season. Button, meanwhile, had pitted again, anticipating a SC for Glock's exit from the race, leaving him floundering out of position whilst others stopped.
Schumi then conked out at the pit lane entrance, and Hamilton was issued with a drive-thru. Cue further mood deterioration. Di Resta, meanwhile, was celebrating his first F1 race at the principality by piling into the back of everyone.
Button boldly switched to the harder tyres with 30 laps remaining, and Vettel and Alonso faced the unwelcome concept of attempting to finish the race on the softer tyres to avoid JB getting past at another stop.
With 16 laps to go Button had caught them, and the three ran nose to tail as Button waited patiently for an error by the other two on fading tyres.
It all kicked off with 9 laps remaining as Petrov and Alguersuari stumbled over each other and Vitaly clonked the wall, with Jaime hitting the back of Hamilton's car, wrecking the rear wing. Safety Car again, but then the race was stopped to enable the potentially injured Petrov to be extricated from his car.
Surprisingly, it turns out that, not only are teams allowed to repair cars before the restart (thus saving Hamilton's bacon), but also change tyres, meaning we were robbed of the prospect of the top three battling it out over the remaining few laps.
At the restart, Hamilton again got a tad over exuberant and took Maldonado out, much to the dismay of Pastor and Williams, who were heading for a half-decent (and much needed) points finish. Webber scampered past Kobayashi on the final lap, and Vettel took a somewhat lucky win, followed home by Alonso and Button.
The intrigue wasn't over though, with a massively disgruntled and exceedingly petulant Hamilton blaming everyone else for his woes, saying "frickin" a lot (which, frankly, is bloody annoying), implying that he was being unfairly treated by the stewards before really sticking his foot in his mouth by attempting a silly "Is it because I is black?" Ali G-style joke, which will probably get him splashed across the tabloids with headlines saying he's accusing F1 of racism.
It's not racism, Lewis. It's qualified people spotting that you're driving like a dick at the moment and penalising you for it. You berk. After all that, he managed to say that "I just try and keep my mouth shut". Really? Pretty hard to spot, that. It seemed like it was stuck wide open in whiney mode.
To add to the fun, he got another 20 seconds added to his time post-race for the Maldonado attack. Spot of advice, Lewis - whilst you still have some fans left in F1, why not try keeping your gob shut and concentrate on overtaking manoeuvres that don't cause an accident. And grow up.
(Playing tonight, a best of by The Move. Hello, Susie!)
Lewis can't keep his trap shut, it's like the words are just falling out of his mouth whilst I'm simultaneously shouting noooooooo at the tv. I don't understand it, surely he should have grown out of it by now?!
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