Skip to main content

Stop the sippycup slurping

Image
By
...and you didn't even remove the stems. *sigh*

Our hot and dry summer has brought us many things.

A hosepipe ban. Lots of flies. Ice cream addiction. The sight of my legs on a regular basis. I dare say there are some good things too.

Chief amongst the hot-weather-horrors (from my point of view, at least) is that most heinous of contraptions – the adult sippy cup. Masquerading as a water bottle for grown-ups, many of these have decidedly unwelcome attributes.

Sure, drinking plenty of water is a good thing. Hurrah for hydration. Even those ones with a little cage for you to incarcerate some fruit are tolerable, if a faint hint of raspberry in your water makes it easier for you.

It’s not the need to drink water that’s the problem – it’s how it gets from your bottle into your system. We all pretty much figured out how to use a glass many years ago. It’s a proud moment for your parents when their little ‘un manages to take a swig of juice without pouring half of it down their top or choking. I’m still impressed I can do it a reasonably large percentage of the time.

But the modern bottle problem is the sports cap, or sip hole, or other diabolical variants. If you’re on the move or topping up during a sporting endeavour then they make sense, to prevent spillage. The trouble is, sitting at your desk, or on a train, doesn’t count. And the slurpy, gurgling, noises make you sound like a toddler.

When you’re just sat there, at pretty much zero risk of spillage, the suckling and breathing sound effects are pretty repulsive to everyone nearby. You’re getting watered. We’re getting to hear about it every time you take a sip.

Why do you need to do that? Doesn’t the top come off? Presumably you had to get the water in there somehow – can’t you reverse that process and drink like a grown up? Perhaps a spout and a handle either side of your bottle would be nice. You can have a pretty picture of a unicorn on the side too, if you want.

Of course, takeaway hot drinks also produce similar issues. You don’t have to drink it through that little oval hole in the lid, you know. It comes off. You’re not three.

Thanks, I feel better now. I’m off for a packet of Pickled Onion Monster Munch and a Tip Top.

This post first appeared as my "A wry look at the week" column, in The Mail, on the 10th of August 2018. The print edition re-titled it as "Sippers have lost their bottle". Cute, but not particularly pertinent to the article.

 This is the post written early the week before last - so ahead of the column published last week. 

(CD A-Z: More home-made CD action, with another mash-ups compilation.)

Labels

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Making an exhibition of yourself

By
Now and again, it’s good to reaffirm that you’re a (relatively) normal human being. One excellent way of doing this is to go to a business exhibition. Despite what you might have surmised from reading my previous columns, I am employable, and even capable of acting like a regular person most of the time, even joining in the Monday morning conversation about the weather over the weekend, and why (insert name of footyballs manager here) should be fired immediately. The mug! True, there are times, often involving a caffeine deficiency, where it is like having the distilled essence of ten moody teenagers in the room, but I try and get that out of the way when people I genuinely like aren’t around to see it. As part of my ongoing experiment with what others call ‘working’, my ‘job’ involves me occasionally needing to go and see what some of my colleagues get up to outside the office, and what our competitors do to try and make sure that they do whatever my colleagues do better than ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Unstable Stables: Throw away the key

By
It’s comforting to know that there is one less threat to the people of Cumbria this week, following the conviction of white supremacist, Ethan Stables. The 20 year old from Barrow had planned to attack the town’s New Empire pub in June 2017, in the midst of a gay pride event. Despite social media posts saying he was “going to war” and planning to “slaughter”, online searches about how to make bombs and chemical poisons, and expressing hatred of Muslims, Jews and gay people, he claimed his online comments were merely to impress far-right friends. Fortunately, following Facebook posts about his intentions, the police were tipped off and armed officers intercepted him as he headed towards the pub. His aim was to kill anyone he found, with a machete. In a bizarre slip-up, Stables had erroneously added an innocent woman to his neo-Nazi Facebook group. When he vented his outrage at the Furness LGBT support group’s event, the shocked woman contacted the authorities. He’ll have ple...
Post a Comment
Read more

Is it foggy? No.

By
When I get put in charge (which is bound to happen soon), I'm going to introduce a whole raft of new laws, for I shall be a just and fair ruler. I'm quite liking the title of 'Most Marvellous Emperor Of Sensible Regulations And Bountiful Lovingness Not To Mention Exceedingly Handsome', but it might be a bit long. On that basis, I'll settle for the more informal 'He Who Is Smashing' from my loyal subjects. Anyway, I digress. I do that sometimes - had you noticed? Here, then, is the first law that will introduced: grumpyf1 law No.1 - Turn your fog lights off, you complete git. Don't get me wrong; If it genuinely is foggy, fog lights are quite handy. The reason for introduction of this law is because 96% of the time (based on my own in-depth research) it isn't foggy when some utter cockwomble blinds you. This has always been a bit of a problem but in the last couple of years it seems to have escalated out of control, possibly because of the...
Post a Comment
Read more