Stop the sippycup slurping

...and you didn't even remove the stems. *sigh*

Our hot and dry summer has brought us many things.

A hosepipe ban. Lots of flies. Ice cream addiction. The sight of my legs on a regular basis. I dare say there are some good things too.

Chief amongst the hot-weather-horrors (from my point of view, at least) is that most heinous of contraptions – the adult sippy cup. Masquerading as a water bottle for grown-ups, many of these have decidedly unwelcome attributes.

Sure, drinking plenty of water is a good thing. Hurrah for hydration. Even those ones with a little cage for you to incarcerate some fruit are tolerable, if a faint hint of raspberry in your water makes it easier for you.

It’s not the need to drink water that’s the problem – it’s how it gets from your bottle into your system. We all pretty much figured out how to use a glass many years ago. It’s a proud moment for your parents when their little ‘un manages to take a swig of juice without pouring half of it down their top or choking. I’m still impressed I can do it a reasonably large percentage of the time.

But the modern bottle problem is the sports cap, or sip hole, or other diabolical variants. If you’re on the move or topping up during a sporting endeavour then they make sense, to prevent spillage. The trouble is, sitting at your desk, or on a train, doesn’t count. And the slurpy, gurgling, noises make you sound like a toddler.

When you’re just sat there, at pretty much zero risk of spillage, the suckling and breathing sound effects are pretty repulsive to everyone nearby. You’re getting watered. We’re getting to hear about it every time you take a sip.

Why do you need to do that? Doesn’t the top come off? Presumably you had to get the water in there somehow – can’t you reverse that process and drink like a grown up? Perhaps a spout and a handle either side of your bottle would be nice. You can have a pretty picture of a unicorn on the side too, if you want.

Of course, takeaway hot drinks also produce similar issues. You don’t have to drink it through that little oval hole in the lid, you know. It comes off. You’re not three.

Thanks, I feel better now. I’m off for a packet of Pickled Onion Monster Munch and a Tip Top.

This post first appeared as my "A wry look at the week" column, in The Mail, on the 10th of August 2018. The print edition re-titled it as "Sippers have lost their bottle". Cute, but not particularly pertinent to the article.

This is the post written early the week before last - so ahead of the column published last week. 

(CD A-Z: More home-made CD action, with another mash-ups compilation.)