Scarramuchi, Scarramuchi... will you view the flan-nan-show?

Yes, I’ll admit it took me a long time to come up with that Bohemian Rhapsody-based headline, following two stories vying for my attention this week.

First up, we have the latest victim in the greatest/strangest reality show on the planet, hosted by that zany guy with the overly-long tie, Donald “You’re Fired!” Trump. Maybe we could call it White House Big Bother?

Since getting himself comfy in the Oval Office’s chair, the President has been busily increasing the unemployment level of the USofA by firing people so quickly, some of them probably hadn’t even had sufficient time to being their own mug in and figure out how many sugars everyone else had.

I bet there’s hardly a day goes by without another “Sorry you’re leaving” card doing the rounds. Acting attorney general, Sally Yates, managed 10 days of employment before getting the boot – I’ve had colds that lasted longer than that.

Michael Flynn was, briefly, national security adviser for a mammoth 23 days – a timeframe short enough for him to probably still have been getting challenged in the corridor by security staff, because they didn’t recognise him.

Anthony Scarramuchi, the latest one to get the chop, was communications director for ten, fleeting, incandescent days. During this time, he accused the chief of staff, Reince Priebus (also now gone) on Twitter of being responsible for White House leaks, and swearily attacked Steve Bannon, senior advisor, during a phone-rage incident with the New Yorker magazine.

Although looking like the bad guy in a Tarantino movie isn’t specifically a reason for dismissal, “The Mooch” did get the chop for his “inappropriate” comments.

Steve Bannon is still (at the time of going to print) employed by Trump. Tune in next week to see who will be evicted next!

Next, we have the rousing news that nation’s favourite gran will soon be back judging other people’s food with a twinkle in her eye, as Mary Berry returns to BBC One with Britain’s Best Cook.

With the Great British Bake Off having switched to Channel 4, and Mary’s former partner in judgement, Paul Hollywood, staying with the show, the BBC have been keen to find a new vehicle for the ever-popular octogenarian.

Teaming up with presenter Claudia Winkleman, and a yet-to-be-announced second judge, Berry will preside over eight episodes of the show, during which 10 contestants will whip up meals of British splendidness for the 82-year-old to critique.

Having already starred in Mary Berry Everyday since departing GBBO, the BBC have also lined her up for Mary Berry’s Secrets From Britain’s Great Houses. I doubt we’ll be referring to that as MBSFBGH on social media any time soon. Britain’s Best Cook, however, can be shortened to the rather pleasing BBC.

Although genial presenters Mel and Sue won’t be present, you can almost certainly rest assured that there will be plenty of opportunities to say “soggy bottom” or “what a lovely sausage” during the new show, which Mary says will “encourage proper home cooking”.

Galileo, figgy-roll magnifico?

This post first appears as my "Than grumpy it's Friday" column, in the North West Evening Mail, on the 4th of August 2017. Whilst the version used on their website retained my title, the print edition went with "Trump's got me fired up", reducing my headline to the first paragraph of the article. It was a long title, so fair enough.

Unless something changes, I think we might be looking at the beginning of the end of my newspaper column odyssey. I'm increasingly staring at a blank Word document the day before submission, bereft of ideas. It's fine once I've got going, but the inspiration side of things is beginning to be an issue. The 6th anniversary of my first column could be a good point to bow out, but that's not until next May. Column 300 would be some time during March. Christmas? Sooner? Hm...

(CD A-Z: Queen's "Hot Space", patchy, but an album with "Under Pressure" on it definitely isn't a lost cause.)

A fisful of change at the shops

A recent day out reminded me how much the retail experience has altered during my lifetime – and it’s not all good. I could stop typing this, and buy a fridge, in a matter of seconds. The shops are shut and it’s 9pm, but I could still place the order and arrange delivery. I haven’t got to wander round a white-goods retail emporium trying to work out which slightly different version of something that keeps my cider cold is better. It’ll be cheaper, too. But in amongst the convenience, endless choice and bargains, we’ve lost some of the personal, human, touches that used to make a trip to the shops something more than just a daily chore. Last weekend, we visited a local coastal town. Amongst the shops selling over-priced imported home accessories (who doesn’t need another roughly-hewn wooden heart, poorly painted and a bargain at £10?) was one that looked different. It’s window allowed you to see in, rather than being plastered with stick-on graphics and special offers calling ...

Malaysian Grand Prix - Vettel hot, but not bothered

Malaysia. It's always hot, and it always rains. Except the 2nd part is no longer true (unless you count the drizzly bit around lap 14). Saturday's qualifying session had highlighted the fact that Red Bull and McLaren seemed well matched on pace, but also that Ferrari were struggling. Whilst Vettel bagged another pole, followed by Hamilton, Webber and Button, Alonso was only 5th, and Massa 7th, with Nick Heidfeld an excellent 6th on the grid between the two red cars. At this point, I would like to break momentarily for a small rant: How many times do I have to say Heidfeld is good? Why wasn't he given a top drive years ago? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! ARE YOU BLIND!!!?? Ahem. The Hispanias somehow managed to a) turn up b) remember to bring cars c) get both of them on the track d) actually get both of them within 107%. Pretty remarkable really. Oh, and it didn't rain. Race day looked a more likely candidate for a drop of the wet stuff. The start was exciting, with...

"It's all gone quiet..." said Roobarb

If, like me, you grew up (and I’m aware of the irony in that) in the ‘70s, February was a tough month, with the sad news that Richard Briers and Bob Godfrey had died. Briers had a distinguished acting career and is, quite rightly, fondly remembered most for his character in ‘The Good Life’. Amongst his many roles, both serious and comedic, he also lent his voice to a startling bit of animation that burst it’s wobbly way on to our wooden-box-surrounded screens in 1974. The 1970s seemed to be largely hued in varying shades of beige, with hints of mustard yellow and burnt orange, and colour TV was a relatively new experience still, so the animated adventures of a daft dog and caustic cat who were the shades of dayglo green and pink normally reserved for highlighter pens, must have been a bit of a shock to the eyes at the time. It caused mine to open very wide indeed. Roobarb was written by Grange Calveley, and brought vividly into life by Godfrey, whose strange, shaky-looking sty...

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