All hail the stupendous PR fail

If you work in the Public Relations departments of Pepsi or United Airlines, it really hasn’t been the best start to the month.

United Airlines got lots of free publicity on Tuesday, but not in a good way. After mobile phone footage showing security staff dragging a passenger from one of their flights emerged, the American airline company had an opportunity to try and minimise reputational damage.

They could simply have immediately said “We’re really sorry. We’ve launched a full investigation into this shocking incident and will make sure we let you know the findings, and take steps to ensure this can never reoccur.”

Instead, they didn’t say anything for quite a number of hours (allowing social media users to turn it into a stupendously damaging story), then their CEO released a statement saying “It was an upsetting event to all of us here at United”. The only apology was for having to “Re-accommodate” customers (which is an interestingly obtuse way of saying “We overbooked this flight – sorry for making some of you get off”).

Upsetting for the United team? Aw. Yes, I expect that, even at that stage, they could hear the sound of their shares crashing violently into the ground from a high altitude. No mention of the poor guy aggressively man-handled from their plane. No apology for him.

Too much later, a statement finally came out which did say sorry, and state that the company would “fix what’s broken so it never happens again”. By Wednesday, the apologies became increasingly pleading – as if they were being shouted from the bottom of a very large hole they’d dug themselves into. And then buried their reputation in. Fair to say, it’s nosedived.

Mmm... refreshi... hang on, did you just steal this?

And then we have Pepsi. If you thought their carbonated cola drink was a bit sickly, then their hastily withdrawn glossy blockbuster ‘protest’ advert, starring reality TV’s Kendall Jenner, was pretty much guaranteed to have you reaching for something to retch in.

In the time it takes you to read the ingredients list and panic-Google “Is Phosphoric Acid dangerous?”, the saccharine commercial has spoon-fed you the sanitised scene of a protest march, populated by good-looking young people, strolling along in the sunshine carrying non-threatening and bland placards, such as “join the conversation”.

So far, so unrealistic. As they saunter attractively onwards, achingly cool and multi-cultural hipsters stop playing cellos, editing photos (and drinking Pepsi, obviously) to join the sanitised throng, whilst Kendall gets distracted from her glamour shoot. Removing her blonde wig and picking up a Pepsi from a container of ice as she passes (presumably, it’s a protest against paying for things), she joins the throng.

But, oh no! Some police are blocking the way! Kendall hands one a can. He sips. He smiles. Everyone cheers and hugs! In the real world, anger erupts at the crassness, references to real situations that it skilfully belittles to sell a fizzy drink, and a hasty withdrawal and apology.

I’m thirsty. Maybe I’ll have a non-patronising cola beverage.

This post first appeared as my "Thank grumpy it's Friday" column, in the North West Evening Mail, on the 14th of April 2017. The version published on the paper's website added the names of the offending companies to the title, plus pics of a UA aircraft and Kendall Jenner.

You may have noticed that this one heads into uncharacteristically short sentence territory at the end. I'll admit I was on a bit of a roll, and had already exceeded the word count before I'd finished telling the tale of /criticising the Pepsi commercial, so had to back track, edit and wind-up faster than I'd like.

Due to catching up after returning from holiday, I was also still working on this at 9pm on Wednesday - i.e. realistically at the deadline for submitting (actually Thursday lunchtime, but sleeping and work tend to make that somewhat tricky). Still - quite pleased with it.

(CD A-Z: Mike Oldfield's "Five Miles Out" album - one of my favourites of his stuff.)