Coffee snobs leave me cold

To chill or not to chill? That is the question. Except some of my colleagues already seem to have the answer when it comes to their precious ground coffee.

Before I go any further, I should make it clear that I love a good cup of coffee. I’m a cappuccino man myself, but I’ll forgive you your lattes and espressos, and I’ll bite my lip if you’re a skinny macchiato freak.

I’ve even had a bit of barista training, so at the very least I’m permitted to express an opinion on the subject. It’s a national obsession, after all. Every high street features an alternating display of big-name coffee shops, vying for our Grande money and sweetly enquiring “would you like any pastries with that?”

Drinking coffee is now as British as a cup of tea, fish and chips and curry (free business idea there– open a restaurant selling that combination and you’ll be rich in no time).

I’ve got a coffee machine in my office at work, and some colleagues do too. Sometimes it’s hard to get near the sink in the kitchen for all the cafetieres.

So far, so caffeine-addictedly good. But there is a problem in the workplace - beyond my obsession with loud shirts.

It’s difficult to fit anything in the fridge, because it’s rammed with coffee. Packets, tins and even jars of the ground-up bean ram the racks in the door and stuff the shelves. Last time I checked, there were 13 lots inserted into the parky white box in the corner, in various states of closure from neatly clipped, rolled over at the top, elastic banded or just flagrantly open to the chilly air.

This is strange. Read the back of any pack of java jostling for space and there’s no mention of storing it in the fridge. If referenced at all, they point to airtight containers and cupboards.

Your Columbian Arabica Special Bean, along with all it’s chums, is roasted, then ground up and sealed in an airtight (sometimes vacuum-packed) bag before you get your shaking hands on it. This is it’s ideal state – once opened, it can absorb moisture which spoils it, hence the airtight container recommendations.

Ever noticed how much condensation forms on a cold can if you leave it on the counter for a bit after refrigerating it? Store your coffee in the fridge and then take it out, and the same thing happens both outside and inside the bag, spoiling the contents.

As an added degrading bonus, your open coffee will not only absorb moisture (being roasted, it’s thirstier than silica gel) it will handily deodorize your fridge, taking on hints of open tin of beans, with notes of mouldering bag of salad and that weird soup someone makes.

So where did this bizarre group mental aberration come from? Who knows. I just want somewhere to keep my sarnies cold.

Right – I’m off to put my open packet of cornflakes in the fridge, and possibly some cheese crackers. They’ll be fine, right?

This post first appeared as my 'Thank grumpy it's Friday' column, in the North West Evening Mail, on the 7th of October 2016.

It could have been much longer. It would have been easy enough to quote various large and reputable companies and organisations, experts in the coffee industry, etc. who state that storing your coffee in the fridge is a bad move.

As one observed, you could store your coffee in the freezer... but it's far better to use it whilst it's fresh. Sorry colleagues - you're fridge-blocking with no benefit and actually making your precious coffee worse in doing so.

For the first time in the history of columning, this one was largely written first thing in the morning, pre-work, at my desk. Not a bad time to do it... will see if that works again in the future.

(CD A-Z: On to K, and the Kaiser Chiefs' "Yours Truly, Angry Mob". Shouty and great.)

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