Bring me sunshine... or a pill

Vitamin D – I was pretty sure it was a Kraftwerk track from the early 80s, but the Scientific Advisory Committee on Nutrition reckons we need more, so it’s just conceivable I’ve got that confused.

Maybe it was an early Ultravox track, before Midge Ure showed up with pointy sideburns and someone suggested a moody black and white video for their song ‘Vienna’. Midge looked pretty pasty in that (and we are getting near the point now, honest) which coincidentally seems to be what the white coat folks at SACN are concerned about too.

Their draft guidelines suggest that we should be taking a 10 microgram pill a day of Vitamin D as soon as we’ve managed 12 months on the planet. Or, to be more accurate, 12 months in the UK, because we don’t get enough of the lovely sunshine which our skin cunningly converts to the very vital vitamin.

They aren’t alone either. Those other acronyminous funsters NICE (the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence... anyone else concerned that they’ve cheated a bit there?) have already suggested it should be given more widely to help prevent rickets and brittle bones.

Official estimates suggest 20% of adults have low levels, whilst the risk of having too much of the nice Big D is very low.

The measly level of sunlight in winter is a particular concern, but is seems you can’t win; On the one hand, we’re constantly being told to avoid getting a lot of sunlight unless we’re smothered in a gallon of factor 50, but now we apparently aren’t getting enough either.

If anyone can invent an App that goes ‘bing!’ like your microwave when you’ve had just the right amount, then they’re on to a winner.

At the very grave risk of not taking this seriously enough – a problem I suffer is many areas of life – isn’t South Cumbria particularly at risk? I can see us having to replace our morning Rice Crispies with a bowl of tablets and milk, just to get enough vitaminy goodness to make it through to lunch.

Either that, or we’ll all be trying to swallow a tablet the size of a billiard ball.

Maybe we can insist on banks of those special daylight lamps being rigged up in the stationery cupboard at work, and we’ll all take it in turns to strip off and spend 10 minutes in there with the post-it notes and those packets of staples that don’t fit anything and nobody seems to be quite sure why we haven’t thrown them away yet. Maybe they fit the photocopier? Oops – singed my highlighter again.

It does seem like a sensible plan, though (the tablets, not my stationers tanning booth) – we can add Vitamin D tablets to the list of various other things we’ll all be taking if we listen to advice, like daily Aspirin, Statins, Fish Oil (presumably to stop fish squeaking), Probiotics and chocolate.

That last one’s a personal health choice.

This post first appeared as my "Thank grumpy it's Friday" column, in the North West Evening Mail, on the 7th of August 2015, where it was retitled as "Bring me dose of sunshine". You can view the edited version on the paper's website here

The edited-out sections were the line about billiard ball-sized tablets, and the reference to singeing my highlighter. It was a bit racy, wasn't it? I'm so shocking.

According the NWEM website, the column has received a comment, but it isn't visible yet. Fingers crossed for a "you're a witty and intelligent writer and I love you and want to have your babies" one, as opposed to the more usual "I think you'll find it was actually a B72a patch cable and not just a B72, you really should know better" variety...

(The CD A-Z thing? Still on A - Tori Amos - and that's an A because they're filed by surname or Band, not how your bloody PC does it - and her 2007 bonkers-fest "American Doll Posse".)