UKIP’s Calypso Collapso

DJ Mike Read once declared Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s song “Relax” obscene.

I’m happy to return that favour by stating that I think his “UKIP Calypso” is ear-meltingly hideous.

In the 1970s and 80s, DJs were a fun bunch. Cheery, bouncy, larger than life characters, with a permanently sunny demeanour, appalling fashion sense and a non-stop supply of top tunes.

Roll forward in time to the present day, and a truly worrying percentage of them have turned out to be utterly appalling individuals, who have wrecked lives.

Taking that into account, Mike Read’s “UKIP Calypso”, in which he gets all fan-boy about Nigel Farage, is a fairly mild misdemeanour, unless you consider a cringingly awful satirical song, sung in a fake Caribbean accent, devoid of any amusement, and featuring a repetitive delivery that may induce vomiting, to be a crime. In which case he may be spending the next couple of centuries at Her Majesty’s pleasure.

Following Twitter complaints that the song (credited to The Independents) was racist, Read refuted the claims, saying “You can’t sing a calypso in a Surrey accent”.

In what has become a stock phrase, trotted out by a string of UKIP members and politicians shortly before revelations proved otherwise, he helpfully added “I love all the cultures and creeds around the world”. Good for you, Mike – very noble of you.

If that is the case, he might need to take a long, hard look at the company he’s keeping though, as I’m not sure they all share his viewpoint on that.

The song’s presence on Youtube was accompanied by a still image of a grinning Mr Farage (does he possess any other facial expressions?) waving outside Number 10. Comments had been disabled, which is probably a good thing as page after page of people typing “DEAR GOD – MAKE IT STOP!” repeatedly would use up a lot of valuable space on the internet far better used by pictures of kittens.

The number of viewers who had “liked” the video was far outweighed by those who chose to “dislike” it, presumably selecting that option because one saying “Please travel back in time and stop this ever being recorded” was unavailable.

Apart from the numb-skulled concept that everyone would be cool with him putting on a “funny” accent and singing the praises of a man whose party is regularly accused of racism and old-fashioned misogyny, Mike Read’s song (which Mr Farage urged people to buy and get to Number 1) is a dreadful, unpleasant and out of touch pile of nonsense.

The Red Cross, one of the intended recipients of profits from it’s sale, have refused to accept the cash. On Wednesday Read withdrew the song, whilst his party of choice criticised the “synthetic outrage” it had created. By that stage, it was number 21 in the midweek charts, which is a helpful reminder that “popular” doesn’t automatically mean “good”.

And to think he was once allowed to be in charge of a Superstore.

This post first appeared as my "Thank grumpy it's Friday" column, in the North West Evening Mail, on the 24th of October 2014. You can view the version published by the paper on their website here, where it was retitled as "Calypso out of tune with public".

I had doubts about this one, if I'm honest. Earlier this year, the NWEM decided not to publish a column I'd submitted as they were concerned it was libellous. Although I made sure anything in this submission was my opinion, or picked up from reputable sources, I now have a nervousness about anything that could be taken the wrong way (Something that seemingly failed to occur to Mike).

To add to the fun, the column was pretty much finished on Tuesday night, but had to be rewritten on Wednesday after Mr Read decided to pull the single.

Sticking to grumbling about fog lights, wind chimes and impenetrable packaging is certainly less troublesome, but every now and then I feel I ought to be a bit topical. Plus my column usually appears in the print edition on a page with the word "Opinion" at the top.

(Still on the bumper box sets - today it's Freddie Mercury: The Solo Collection. Instrumental version of a track off the Barcelona album? Demo sung whilst he's got a bad cold? No? Suit yourself.)