50,000 people can't be wrong..?

Amazing.

Just checked the statometer (that's a technical term - get over it) and apparently this blog has now cleared 50,000 page views. I can hardly comprehend that fact - the closest thing I can think of is probably How many £s Lewis Hamilton earns in about half an hour.

Way back in December 2009, when I blundered into the world of having an online presence, I had no idea that in under 5 years I'd have cluttered up the internet with 550 blog posts, joined twitter and bothered innocent people 19,000 times, and bagged myself a newspaper column.

My 'job' (it's a place I go on quite a lot of weekdays and drink coffee) also involves me managing websites, twitter accounts, facebook pages, Flickr, Youtubes and a host of other things that, should the power ever go off and we descend into chaos, will be utterly useless in the battle for survival over the last tube of Pringles. Even if they are just the ready salted ones.

As is the way with the web, we all consume content, without often making our feelings know about what it is we're reading, unless it happens to be via social media. With this blog, and the newspaper column, it's exceedingly rare that I ever receive a comment or response, good, bad or "are you actually from this planet, you weirdo?"

So I have very little idea about the reasons for my 5k of views, and whether you actually enjoyed coming here, or left faintly disturbed. I do know that over 70% of you are in America, which baffles me even more.

Why would you be interested in the ramblings of a berk from a particularly damp and hilly bit of the UK? Whatever the reason - thanks.

Until I'm forced to stop by the authorities, keep popping back, and I'll be here.

You were warned!

(To prove my Brit credentials, I'm listening to the "Isles of Wonder" - the music for the Opening Ceremony of the London 2012 Olympic Games. It's chuffing great.)

Comments

Making an exhibition of yourself

Now and again, it’s good to reaffirm that you’re a (relatively) normal human being. One excellent way of doing this is to go to a business exhibition. Despite what you might have surmised from reading my previous columns, I am employable, and even capable of acting like a regular person most of the time, even joining in the Monday morning conversation about the weather over the weekend, and why (insert name of footyballs manager here) should be fired immediately. The mug! True, there are times, often involving a caffeine deficiency, where it is like having the distilled essence of ten moody teenagers in the room, but I try and get that out of the way when people I genuinely like aren’t around to see it. As part of my ongoing experiment with what others call ‘working’, my ‘job’ involves me occasionally needing to go and see what some of my colleagues get up to outside the office, and what our competitors do to try and make sure that they do whatever my colleagues do better than ...

Unstable Stables: Throw away the key

It’s comforting to know that there is one less threat to the people of Cumbria this week, following the conviction of white supremacist, Ethan Stables. The 20 year old from Barrow had planned to attack the town’s New Empire pub in June 2017, in the midst of a gay pride event. Despite social media posts saying he was “going to war” and planning to “slaughter”, online searches about how to make bombs and chemical poisons, and expressing hatred of Muslims, Jews and gay people, he claimed his online comments were merely to impress far-right friends. Fortunately, following Facebook posts about his intentions, the police were tipped off and armed officers intercepted him as he headed towards the pub. His aim was to kill anyone he found, with a machete. In a bizarre slip-up, Stables had erroneously added an innocent woman to his neo-Nazi Facebook group. When he vented his outrage at the Furness LGBT support group’s event, the shocked woman contacted the authorities. He’ll have ple...

Is it foggy? No.

When I get put in charge (which is bound to happen soon), I'm going to introduce a whole raft of new laws, for I shall be a just and fair ruler. I'm quite liking the title of 'Most Marvellous Emperor Of Sensible Regulations And Bountiful Lovingness Not To Mention Exceedingly Handsome', but it might be a bit long. On that basis, I'll settle for the more informal 'He Who Is Smashing' from my loyal subjects. Anyway, I digress. I do that sometimes - had you noticed? Here, then, is the first law that will introduced: grumpyf1 law No.1 - Turn your fog lights off, you complete git. Don't get me wrong; If it genuinely is foggy, fog lights are quite handy. The reason for introduction of this law is because 96% of the time (based on my own in-depth research) it isn't foggy when some utter cockwomble blinds you. This has always been a bit of a problem but in the last couple of years it seems to have escalated out of control, possibly because of the...

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