New style Formula 1 sounds good

If ultra-fit blokes driving round in circles in stupidly expensive cars is your thing, then Hurrah! Formula 1 returns this weekend.

It may only seem like a couple of months since Formula 1 packed up for the winter break with that German chap with the pointy finger looking smug again, but in fact... oh. Yes, it was only November.

The F1 circus opens up it’s big top of baffling wonderment in Australia this weekend, and for the first time in years it really is anyone’s guess as to who might win the title.

Had things remained the same, it seemed entirely plausible that Sebastian Vettel would have picked up where he left off – which was winning nine races in a row and crushing all opposition in his Red Bull dream machine.

Happily, the biggest set of rule changes this century has given the pack and jolly good shuffle, and the signs from winter testing sessions are that things really have changed a lot. In a sport where a 0.1 second improvement is considered a huge gain, the timesheets have shown Seb’s team to be several seconds off the pace.

He’s also hardly been able to get in the car without something falling off, and did just a fraction of the laps of some other teams, so it would appear he genuinely has got his precision-engineered work cut out this season.

Normally, a tin of white paint would make all the cars look near identical, but the flinging of the old rule book firmly out of the motor-home window has provided us with some striking differences this year. Unfortunately, the quest for speed has meant they largely look like they’ve had a particularly bad whacking with the ugly stick, and a array of oddly shape noses will greet us on the grid.

With a slew of dimension changes and restrictions, vastly increased energy recovery systems that make a Prius look like badly tuned bus, and double points for the last race, the title fight has a whole supermarket full of new ingredients to spice it up.

Then there’s the engines. All new, smaller, turbo driven, units mean F1 has a new sound too. Gone is the high pitched shriek that had dogs howling in front of their owners’ TV – these new motors sound more like the local boy-racer’s Corsa on the high street at 11pm.

And it looks like one engine supplier is off to a flying start with a reliable and fast package. Anyone with a Merc in the back appears to be in good shape. Anyone with a Renault looks to be in a good shape too – if you like pears.

British stalwarts Williams seem to be on the up having endured a dismal season last year, so might be set to surprise us all with a long-overdue return to form. McLaren look reasonable, but my money is on the Mercedes team, and in particular Lewis Hamilton.

But you should never make a Bull angry. Particularly not a Red one...

This post first appeared as my "Thank grumpy it's Friday" column in the North West Evening Mail on the 14th of March 2014. You can view the version used by the paper on their website here They slightly altered the title from using 'sounds' to 'is sounding', and somewhere one word went AWOL, but I decided it would be churlish to try and work out which one.

Having now seen the race highlights on the BBC, it looks like we do have an exciting season in store, although Mercedes could be the new Red Bull if Rosberg's massive winning margin is anything to go by!

(Compilations still? Yup! Tonight's it an Uncut magazine cover CD of 'New music for 2005'.)

Making an exhibition of yourself

Now and again, it’s good to reaffirm that you’re a (relatively) normal human being. One excellent way of doing this is to go to a business exhibition. Despite what you might have surmised from reading my previous columns, I am employable, and even capable of acting like a regular person most of the time, even joining in the Monday morning conversation about the weather over the weekend, and why (insert name of footyballs manager here) should be fired immediately. The mug! True, there are times, often involving a caffeine deficiency, where it is like having the distilled essence of ten moody teenagers in the room, but I try and get that out of the way when people I genuinely like aren’t around to see it. As part of my ongoing experiment with what others call ‘working’, my ‘job’ involves me occasionally needing to go and see what some of my colleagues get up to outside the office, and what our competitors do to try and make sure that they do whatever my colleagues do better than ...

"It's all gone quiet..." said Roobarb

If, like me, you grew up (and I’m aware of the irony in that) in the ‘70s, February was a tough month, with the sad news that Richard Briers and Bob Godfrey had died. Briers had a distinguished acting career and is, quite rightly, fondly remembered most for his character in ‘The Good Life’. Amongst his many roles, both serious and comedic, he also lent his voice to a startling bit of animation that burst it’s wobbly way on to our wooden-box-surrounded screens in 1974. The 1970s seemed to be largely hued in varying shades of beige, with hints of mustard yellow and burnt orange, and colour TV was a relatively new experience still, so the animated adventures of a daft dog and caustic cat who were the shades of dayglo green and pink normally reserved for highlighter pens, must have been a bit of a shock to the eyes at the time. It caused mine to open very wide indeed. Roobarb was written by Grange Calveley, and brought vividly into life by Godfrey, whose strange, shaky-looking sty...

Suffering from natural obsolescence

You know you’re getting old when it dawns on you that you’re outliving technological breakthroughs. You know the sort of thing – something revolutionary, that heralds a seismic shift it the way the modern world operates. Clever, time-saving, breathtaking and life-changing (and featuring a circuit board). It’s the future, baby! Until it isn’t any more. I got to pondering this when we laughed heartily in the office about someone asking if our camcorder used “tape”. Tape? Get with the times, Daddy-o! If it ain’t digital then for-get-it! I then attempted to explain to an impossibly young colleague that video tape in a camcorder was indeed once a “thing”, requiring the carrying of something the size of a briefcase around on your shoulder, containing batteries normally reserved for a bus, and a start-up time from pressing ‘Record’ so lengthy, couples were already getting divorced by the time it was ready to record them saying “I do”. After explaining what tape was, I realised I’d ...

grumpyf1

Search This Blog