Huhne do you think you are?!

Contrary to popular belief, there are some honest, decent politicians around.

Chris Huhne isn’t one of them, though. In fact, he’s a bit of a berk.

I have an extensive background in The Politicals, so I’m well qualified to talk on the subject. I had my photo taken with Austin Mitchell (for reasons that are still unclear, but I was a scruffy student in a Donkey Jacket at the time), failed to notice the small chap trying to get in a door as I barged through was Harold Wilson and, only a few weeks ago, Tim Farron and I exchanged tweets on the subject of whether Santa uses cloaking technology to avoid detection. (I think he does, Tim isn’t so sure.)

With that kind of political CV, I’m pretty sure Nick Robinson must be looking nervously over his shoulder.

The charming Mr Huhne has managed the kind of spectacular implosion normally reserved for puffed-up ego-maniac pop stars, and former Top Of The Pops presenters which, when you consider that he’s a fairly innocuous looking bloke, is pretty impressive.

In 2003 he was nipping along a tad too rapidly in his car, which (unlike honesty) wasn’t something he hadn’t done before. Quite a few times. At the point of losing his licence altogether, he (and here’s the tricky bit) either made his wife say she was driving, or she willingly went along with the plan to keep him out of trouble.

 This all went swimmingly well until 2011, when Huhne turned out to have been doing something else rather naughty – having an affair. Deciding it was time for a bit of old-fashioned come-uppance, Huhne’s wife had a little chat with some journalists, and before you could say “perverting the course of justice” he was outside a courtroom, telling the media he was packing it in as an MP, and finally taking responsibility for his actions. Most people don’t take ten years to do that, but hey – what harm has it done? Oh, right – yeah: tarnished the image of politicians yet again.

To make matters worse for the beleaguered former MP, it turns out he’d received text messages from his son, pointing out his notable lack of morality. Most kids claim at some point that they hate their parents and that they’ve ruined their lives. Chris seems to have received the former from his Son, and managed the last part all by himself.

As Huhne was a Lib Dem MP, Nick Clegg felt compelled to say he was “Shocked and saddened” about what had happened. Whether he meant Huhney’s actions, or the reputational damage it caused to his party, is open to interpretation.

So, what have we learned here? Well, if you cheat on your wife, and hope she’ll keep on lying for you, then you’re going to crash and burn. And probably go to jail.

Also, on an understanding relationships front, if common-sense were knickers, Chris Huhne has been going commando for a long time.

This article first appeared in my "Thank grumpy it's Friday" column in the North West Evening Mail on Friday 8th February 2013. You can view the version used online here.

 

This one has a bit of an odd background. The column the week before was the first one to appear in the paper after a style overhaul, and the old amusing/cheeky column header had disappeared, and been replaced by a much more professional looking one, along with a "Do you agree? - contact us at..." box at the bottom.

I wasn't aware this was happening, so it came as a bit of a surprise. The whole page height had been used too, which was unusual, so my entire 500 word submission went in.

I'd written a new column ready for the 8th on the subject of my first Pilates class, but thinking I was now some kind of professional journalist, I wrote the story about Chris Huhne and submitted it instead. I got an email from someone at the paper on Thursday evening, querying what I meant by "The Politicals", followed shortly afterwards by another one saying never mind, they were taking it out anyway. (Both the emails were sent in the time period I was in the car travelling home from work.) I thought it was a nice way of showing I actually know sod all about politics, but hey - it was gone.

Turns out 126 of the 500 words I submitted got edited out, which is one of the largest trims yet. You've got the full thing here, including Nick Robinson, Top Of The Pops presenters and Huhne's Son references removed by the NWEM. Fellow columnist Darren McSweeney tells me they'd included a picture of Huhne, which would explain the hefty word loss, and is also another first - I've never had an image in there (other than my own scary features) before.

It's a shame I don't know what's going to happen in advance, as I could then write to the space I've got, but then I'm paid a small fortune* to write the column, so I shouldn't complain...

(* = nothing at all)

(Odd CD tonight - random MP3s of Queen-related stuff downloaded a few years ago. Some of it is great (rare early versions etc.),  some of actually pretty duff (dreadful quality bootlegs of live gigs).)