In a shock move, here’s the skinny on the last six. (Warning: More gloom and mentions of rain.)
July: British Grand Prix! Unadulterated joy! Succeeded on saying nothing of any use on twitter for 2 whole years. Just like everyone else on twitter. It rained a lot.
August: After months of back pain, I finally started seeing a Physio, with amusing results. Especially if you happened to be looking through my window when I was doing exercises. Luckily, the police let me off with a caution and said I should remember to put clothes on before attempting the “arch”. It rained a lot.
September: Moved offices, to a room where you can hear chaps having a tinkle next door. Worryingly, we can now figure out who some of the tinklers are, by their signature style. Coincidentally, it rained a lot.
October: Discharged from Physio – I swear I saw them writing “beyond economical repair” on my file. Immediately started having problems with my left foot feeling numb and tingly, causing me to limp. That and the hunched back have meant I’ve had to keep away from bell-ringing. It rained a lot.
November: Discovered Mrs G had already purchased and wrapped all the Christmas presents and written cards, making me think I’d lost a month. The limp, plus full beard and mud-coating, caused local Yeti-sighting panic when I went out for a hobble along the coast. Made it to 6 years in Arnside without being chased from the village by an angry, torch wielding, mob. It rained a lot.
December: Had an MRI scan in a portakabin to try and diagnose foot problem. At least, I think it was... I might have just fallen into a particularly noisy disused fridge. After the physical setbacks, I finally managed the 200 miles on the 30th. I also managed to lose 8lbs (which is good – that means more chocolate, right?). Completed the 37th newspaper column for this august journal, proving that you can have too much of a bad thing too. It rained a lot.
Conclusion: A mixed year, during which complaining about stuff to anyone that would listen (and still complaining about stuff even if they weren’t), surprisingly didn’t win me any kind of award. Not even an MBE, although to be fair, they probably ran out after giving them to everyone who took part in the Olympics. By the look of it, I’ll be lucky to see the end of 2013, as I’ll either have fallen apart completely, or drowned.
What does the year hold in store? Move office again (the bin is full in this one already). Walk/limp 210 miles, and lose another half a stone. I assume some other part of me will hurt, fall off (or out) or stop working properly – hopefully I’ll still have enough functioning bits to see 2014. Grumble about things a bit it a weekly newspaper column.
Build an Ark.
This column first appeared in the North West Evening Mail on Friday 11th January 2013. You can view the printed/online version here
In a return to normal conditions, 60 words were edited out by the paper, but you've got them in all their wordy goodness here.
Apologies for the lack of pictures, but the button that allows you to select them seems to have vanished from my upload screen. I'd investigate, but unfortunately I have lazy-git issues.
(Still Pink Floyding it at the moment, with the really rather good Echoes compilation.)
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