I only follow one sport – Formula 1 motor racing.
Potentially, I could follow more, but I suspect the intensity of disapproval from the other end of the sofa might be bad for my health. Or set the curtains on fire.
As the season culminated in Brazil last Sunday, I’m now stuck with an F1-free existence through until March next year, whilst the Footballerist community enjoy their cosy conversations about which star gets paid the most, and who’s speaking with an amusing French accent this week.
Still, I have some happy memories to keep me warm on the long winter nights, as 2012 was a scintillating season, which started off with seven different winners in the first seven races. This left the championship wide open until the end of the season, as the top teams struggled to out-develop their competitors.
The final race couldn’t have been more exciting if you’d asked a panel of F1 geeks to write the script, whilst hosing them down with champagne. The impossibly young double World Champion, Vettel, headed into the event just ahead in the championship, but found himself clouted into a spin on the first lap, facing the wrong way in oncoming traffic doing terrifying speeds. Much like the A590 on a Saturday night.
This allowed his rival, the experienced double World Champion Alonso, to get himself into a position where he would win the title if they finished in the same order. I was already exhausted from shouting at the TV and gesticulating wildly, and my cup of coffee was still too hot to drink.
Rain caused all the drivers to struggle for grip, some failing to stay on the track, and some (step forward, Mr Raikkonen) to go off the circuit and head somewhere up a side road, possibly in search of a choc ice. Those SatNavs can be tricky to programme though.
As Vettel fought his way through the order from last place, Britons Button and Hamilton were battling for the lead, joined by a cheeky youngster whose name is a cross between a green chappie and something you don’t want to run into on a boat – Hulkenberg.
The Hulk eventually crashed into Hamilton, ending his final race at McLaren, and leaving the way clear for Button to take his third win of the season. Whilst Alonso drove valiantly to second place, Vettel coming home in sixth was enough to give the German his third, straight, title.
So now I have to console myself with my F1 underpants, out of date Damon Hill T-shirt, and VHS of the 1998 World Championship until the spring. I can’t even do my Murray Walker impersonation, as apparently it upsets other library users.
On the upside, my Nigel Mansell moustache is coming along well, and saying “For sure” at the start of every conversation, whilst thanking “The Team”, is definitely going to make me the life and soul of the party over Christmas.
Have a 200mph weekend.
If you can.
This post first appeared in my 'Thank grumpy it's Friday' column in the North West Evening Mail on Friday 30th November 2012. This is the unedited version - you can view the printed/online version here The paper actually used my suggested title this week!
They did edit out 69 words though, and actually removed most of the bits I thought were amusing, bar the last two paragraphs, making the version online look like a piece of actual, serious, sports journalism, rather than a hairy git typing stuff he finds amusing himself.
I'll have to console myself with what the printed version might look like - I seem to have dropped off their mailing list again, so haven't seen the paper the last two Fridays. We'll see if this one turns up, eh..?
(Musically, we're still on the Os, specifically the Big O himself, with The Big Roy Orbison Original Singles Collection. Grrrrrrrrrrr!)
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