It’s been a tough week.
I’ve had to say farewell to three trusty friends who’ve been with me for a long time. I was deeply saddened to see them go.
This may seem somewhat pathetic to those of you who lack a sentimental streak, but I find it hard to let go of possessions that have served me well. So here are the items that I’ve had to say goodbye to this week. Please excuse the sobbing noises. I can’t help it.
1) Fat Face slippers. Age: 2 and a half.
This warming pair have been a lifesaver in my never-ending battle against poor circulation. Even in the height of summer, I have cold feet. Having tried some fluffy tent boots from a camping shop (or “The Yeti Boots” as my niece knew them) I still found my feet suitable for keeping ice cubes cold on a hot day, and got the Fat Face ones as one of those ‘surprise’ Birthday presents from my mother in law. Surprise, as in I gave the product code and size, and my wife purchased them. Their sturdy soles prevented the cold penetrating upwards, but the fact I’d had to superglue them back together several times, and the bald bits (the slippers, not me) were a source of much annoyance to Mrs G. They’d also stretched so much I tended to shuffle everywhere to prevent them falling off.
Reason for demise: Decrepitude.
Final resting place: Wheelie bin.
Replacement: Thinsulate slippers from M&S in fetching chocolate brown with wooly interior.
Sadness rating 7/10.
2) French Connection ‘distressed’ jeans. Age: unknown (over 10 years).
I purchased these jeans right at a point in time when an epic battle between baggy and a bit flared, and skinny and so tight at the ankle you needed a shoehorn to get them off, was in progress. I went with the baggies, instantly rendering the skinnies the victor in that particular round of the trouser coolness wars. Featuring deliberate worn/patched bits, and subtle marking to make it look like you’d had them for years, I had, coincidentally, had them for years. My mum hated them, which made then even cooler, and it had reached the stage whereby I couldn’t wear them anywhere as they were always the wrong side of respectable, whatever the situation. Latterly resigned to gardening/decorating duties, my trouser rebelliousness has probably died with them.
Reason for demise: hole in the crotch I could no longer get away with.
Final resting place: Wheelie Bin.
Replacement: None. At the moment...
Sadness rating 8/10.
3) Sony TV. Age: Approximately 15 years.
Only my 2nd TV ever, it was an ex-display one from Heelas in Reading – I wasn’t worried that it didn’t have Teletext capability, as I wasn’t much for up and coming technology. (See also CD’s, DVD’s, mobile phones and fashion sense.) The modern era of widescreen transmission meant I either couldn’t read parts of the text on screen (“wis Hamilton wins the Canadian Gran” etc) or had to watch everything in letterbox view, meaning the already small viewing area was reduced even further to the point where I couldn’t read the writing anyway. Having outlived a couple of VHS players, DVD players and, since the digital switchover, a PVR recorder, being plugged into its only scart socket, it’s trusty service and old-school cathode ray/square screen format have delighted and enthralled me since I was in my 20’s.
Reason for demise: Strange red lines in corner of screen/my failing eyesight/sadly out of step with current technology/Wifely complaints and hints.
Final resting place: Left with others of a similar age in a container at the recycling centre.
Replacement: A gigantic Panasonic TV whose screen is more than 4 times larger, inducing motion sickness for the first week of use and causing any footage of Wayne Rooney to have us hiding behind the sofa fearing an imminent troll invasion.
Sadness rating: 10/10.
Have a, renewingly, good weekend.
If you can.
This post first appeared in my 'Thank grumpy it's Friday' column in the North West Evening Mail on Friday 10th August 2012. This is the unedited version - you can view the printed/online version here: "Time to get rid of my trusty friends", was used as the title by the NWEM, and it received a another serious edit this week - down from over 499 words submitted by me to 401.
As the original version clocked in at 660 words before I edited it down, it lost a total 259 words by the time it made the paper! For a change, this is my full, unedited, version. If nothing else, you can at least play 'spot the superfluous bit'.
(More Marillion today - The live album "Popular Music" from 2005.)
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