Customer 'service'...

Hello again.
Guess what?! It's been 15 days, and Tesco haven't replied. Time for a follow-up email...

Dear Tesco Customer Services,

Hello again! Thanks for your lovely reply to my original email. It was nice of you to reply instantly with a message saying you would be in touch shortly. The cheery ‘Kind regards Tesco’ at the end was a nice touch.

Can I be awkward and point a little thing out to you though? Whilst I’m sure the actual length of the word ‘shortly’ can be interpreted in myriad ways (for instance, shortly in galactic terms could possibly be several thousand millennia, give or take a few, whilst someone whose underpants were on fire might be rightly hoping that ‘shortly’, when uttered by the 999 person on the other end of the phone, will be very, very, VERY quick indeed.), 15 days without a response does seem to be a touch towards the lengthy end of the ‘Shortly Spectrum’. I did just invent that, yes.

Maybe the hideously complicated and convoluted story of confusion and chaos has taken this long to unravel and, after an in depth investigation, some high-level bottom-kicking and a general period of thoughtful reflection, you’re just in the process of resolving my problem, and were just this second typing a reply. Or maybe I’m just number 27400987 on the list that a team of three (one of whom is on maternity leave and a second off sick) are trying to get through.

Now, in global terms, my request was pretty teensy. What’s a paltry 650 clubcard points, when there are riots on the streets? Unless, of course, all the journalists and politicians have seriously missed the point and the rioters were actually attempting to get themselves a little looted joy, to try and bolster their inner sadness having also failed to get their clubcard points. Hmmmmm. Not very likely, I agree.

By way of trying to make myself move up the list a little, I do get all my shopping from Tesco (legally – I haven’t looted it, honestly) and have done for a long time. I’m what you might call a loyal customer. Does that count for anything at all..?

Anyway, chin up – I’m sure you’ll clear the huge backlog of complaints and queries eventually. When mine reaches the top, could you possibly get back to me?

Ta very much.

Kind regards,

grumpyf1

(Typed to the tune of Status Quo's "The Anniversary Waltz".)

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