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Are you still writing that... what was it again? A blog?

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Great gosh almighty - I've been a newspaper columnist for five years.

Shut. The. Door. It's five whole, actual, year type things since my first outing sullied the pages of the North West Evening Mail, preceded by the "Finalist becomes columnist" piece you see here (exceptionally poorly scanned - I was obviously over-excited and/or over-caffeinated). I'm not actually that colour, honest.

A rambling, nonsensical brain-dump of weirdness, it's interesting how, in those early days, I was already writing in exactly the same way I have continued.

Strangely, column number 255 appeared on their website today (a day ahead of the print edition) which is a nice, unintentional, anniversary marker. Spoiler alert: It's about our fridge-freezer breaking down. I know - cutting-edge, hyper-topical, journalism, eh?

On a less celebratory note, visits to this blog (where it all began, of course) reached a low point in April not seen since November 2010. I guess I need to write something about a popular TV show/film again... I've got an idea...  

Thanks to everyone who has supported me over the years, even the ones who can't remember what it is I do. But especially to the ever-lovely Mrs G. She has to read this stuff first, and I know if I've done well by the amount she laughs. Until I realise I've left my flies undone again.

Paranoia leads me to to think that I'll be dropped at some point, when the paper finally realises they've made a terrible mistake, but if I wasn't doing this I'd be ranting on a street corner, or shouting random stuff about wind chimes and Audi drivers in a park. And no-one wants that. So they're helping to keep the public safe, really.

Your tolerance for the last 1800 days or so is greatly appreciated.    

(CD A-Z: Mike Oldfield's 2003 re-recording of "Tubular Bells". Cavemen!)
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