F1 star pulling a fast one

"Sorry, can't stop - busy saving the planet."

I love the smell of petrol and hypocrisy in the morning.

As a fan of the fast-moving circus that is Formula 1, I’m used to people pointing out that there’s nothing exciting about some over-paid guys driving round in circles for two hours. I’ve also become accustomed to being preached at about all that flying around the world and petrol-guzzling engines being terrible environmentally. Shame on me for supporting it, etc.

One of F1’s biggest stars, Lewis Hamilton, has certainly made my life a little harder when one of those conversations kicks off next. He’s told the BBC in an interview that he’s going to adopt a vegan diet, for health reasons and because he’s worried about emissions... from cows.

When he points out that pollution from the back end of our bovine chums is “more than what we produce with our flights and cars” he’s actually pretty much bang on. Our love of beefy stuff and the unfortunate by-product of guffage, does mean that we’re massively polluting the planet whilst we enjoy our burgers.

If I said it, you’d probably just ignore me. But Lewis’s chosen profession involves flying around the world all year, supported by hundreds of people, and driving a high-powered car around a track with 19 other guys for sport/entertainment.

Not only that, but he travels a lot by private jet, and regularly nips off between races to other parts of the world for a few days. He must do very well out of Airmiles.

His lavish lifestyle sees him wearing cool leather jackets, performing “burn-outs” on motorbikes and a thrilling range of other activities that aren’t exactly helping to prevent polar bears from trying to balance on ice cubes.

Dog ownership also contributes negatively to saving the planet – all that dog food for his four-legged friend, Roscoe, has to be made somewhere, from meat, from animals that ate crops, and did a fair bit of farting before winding up in a tin.

Car manufacturers provide their engines to, and participate in, Formula 1 because it allows them to fast-track the development of technology that will be on your car not long afterwards - because we all want greater efficiency and that warm glow of knowing we did our bit to help the planet by buying a ‘green’ car. The current energy recovery systems in F1 cars are improving the efficiency of hybrid engines in cars hitting the roads now, but let’s not kid ourselves.

Each driver gets through many sets of tyres per race weekend alone. The pace of development means new parts are produced at an incredible rate. F1 might be trying to do things that lessen it’s impact, but it’s a long way from environmentally friendly.

What we really need is a multi-millionaire sports star to suggest that his intention to go vegan might encourage others to do so, thus helping the environment.

You’re quick in a car, mate. Apparently you’re not so speedy when it comes to spotting irony.

This post first appeared as my "Thank grumpy it's Friday" column, in The Mail, on the 22nd of September 2017. It was re-titled on their website as "F1 star fuels environmental debate".

You'll note that, due to the sensibilities of The Mail's readership, the line about guffage was removed, and 'farting' was toned-down to 'letting off wind'.

Hamilton may well be the best British Formula 1 driver we've ever had. Hell, he may even be one of the greatest F1 drivers of his generation... even of all time. But he is a bit of a championship-level dipstick, isn't he?

(CD A-Z: Paul Rogers - "Muddy Water Blues".)

The Schaf Shuffle

The weather – source of endless fascination, conversation, irritation and (just recently) excess irrigation. And a fidgety weather presenter on the BBC... I’m endlessly fascinated with the weather, and will confess to making sure I catch the BBC’s updates whenever possible. Not the local ones, where half the presenters look like they got dressed in the dark, or ITV, where they seem to know very little about actual weather, but the national forecasts. Delivered by actual Met Office personnel, their job entails a tricky mix of waving your hands about a bit, explaining about warm fronts without smirking, and trying not to look too pleased whilst mentioning gales force winds and torrential rain. Or stand in front of Cornwall. Each has their own presenting style, but there is one who intrigues me above all the others. Step forward, Tomasz Schafernaker, the 37 year old man from the Met who breezed onto our screens in 2001, as the youngest male ever to point out that it was going to r...

Making an exhibition of yourself

Now and again, it’s good to reaffirm that you’re a (relatively) normal human being. One excellent way of doing this is to go to a business exhibition. Despite what you might have surmised from reading my previous columns, I am employable, and even capable of acting like a regular person most of the time, even joining in the Monday morning conversation about the weather over the weekend, and why (insert name of footyballs manager here) should be fired immediately. The mug! True, there are times, often involving a caffeine deficiency, where it is like having the distilled essence of ten moody teenagers in the room, but I try and get that out of the way when people I genuinely like aren’t around to see it. As part of my ongoing experiment with what others call ‘working’, my ‘job’ involves me occasionally needing to go and see what some of my colleagues get up to outside the office, and what our competitors do to try and make sure that they do whatever my colleagues do better than ...

RIP Jenwis Hamilbutton

We are gathered here in this... (looks round a bit) um... blog, to mourn the passing of Jenwis Hamilbutton. His life may have been short and largely irrelevant, but he touched the lives of so many people that... sorry? Oh. Apparently that was someone else... Jenwis Hamilbutton rose briefly to fame on twitter during 2010, when he was retweeted by BBC F1 presenter Jake Humphrey, having criticised his shirt. A similarly unspectacular claim to fame occurred when a tweet he crafted at 1am on a windy night appeared in F1 Racing magazine. An amalgam of bits of Formula 1 drivers Lewis Hamilton and Jenson Button (mostly the hopeless bits), he came into existence via 3 pints of cider, a Creme Egg and the Electric Light Orchestra’s mournful 1986 farewell album “Balance Of Power”, played loudly over headphones. In his short existence, he was followed on twitter by Paul Hardcastle of “19” fame, and a bunch of slightly odd but jolly nice people, whom he was never entirely sure actually exist...

grumpyf1

Search This Blog