Have you tried turning it off and on again?

Right now, working in IT probably feels like a poor career choice, what with stranded flights, frozen systems, angry Android users and off-message display boards.

IT sounds like a lucrative and dependable way to make a living. We all need the wonderful world of the web, and, like it or not, even your chips only make it to your plate (or newspaper of choice) thanks to their computer-residing namesakes.

The ploughing of the field, planting, fertilisation, pest-control, reaping, transporting, bagging, selling, distribution – even the cooking – all are likely to have involved some form of processor.

We need the IT experts. We rely on them, in fact. We’ve become so dependent on them being on top of their game that we’d be fighting each other to death in the street for a Curly Wurly in a matter of days if the world’s computing power went offline. Presuming we could find the street without our phone telling us which direction it is.

The WannaCry ransomware that took out the NHS’s system a few weeks ago, along with those of many other organisations worldwide, appears to have exploited the fact that not everybody runs their Windows updates quite a regularly as they should. A costly and embarrassing error, and some difficult conversations for the computer boffins attempting to explain why they weren’t up to date.

British Airways suffered a damaging couple of days over the Bank Holiday weekend after a power failure resulted in their systems failing. Sure, if the power goes off my laptop will last for a bit. But BA? Shouldn’t they have uninterruptible power supplies? A robust disaster recovery plan to get them jetting people around the world again in no time? Some spare batteries?

Whilst no explanation has been forthcoming as to exactly what happened, you can bet that their senior IT team are currently very much flying - close to the wind, job-security-wise.

Apparently, 36 million Android devices may also be infected with ad-click malware, cutely nicknamed ‘Judy’. It seems she does pack a punch, though, making the infected devices access a hidden website to generate revenue for it by ‘clicking’ on adverts. All whilst you’re typing ‘LOL’ and re-posting a picture of a kitten in a shoe.

Even a digital billboard at the Liverpool One shopping centre found itself under attack, displaying a polite message from the hackers suggesting the organisation running it needs to take a look at their security. Still, it makes a nice change from being advertised-at every moment of the day. Buy sausages.

I’ve invented a helpful rhyme for our IT chums that I’m hoping will keep them focussed on preventing the catastrophic melt-down of the entire planet:

System down?
You’re right to frown.
Hack? Attack?
Someone’s going to get the sack.

I’ll just email it to them... after I’ve clicked the link in this badly-spelt email promising me amazing weight loss results that I just received from someone I’ve never heard of.

Ooo. Is that meant to happen?

This post first appeared as my "Thank grumpy it's Friday" column, in the North West Evening Mail, on the 2nd of June 2017.

The version on their website retained my suggested title again, whilst the print edition became "IT crowd must be hacked off" - interesting, as I originally thought of calling it "Hacked off", whilst my title is a well-worn catchphrase from the sublime "The IT Crowd". God, I miss that show.

This week's column was brought to you by a new, £13-off-Amazon, keyboard that looks like a small Mac one and, whilst still a little clicky, is massively better than the enormous one that came with my Lenovo computer, and needed a precise angle of strike and considerable welly for the keys to register.

It also means I have some desk space back. Can't quite believe I left it so long - it's made doing this notably less irritating!

(CD A-Z: On hold again for more Twelve Inch Seventies "Boogie Wonderland" funkiness.)

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