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| A Pacer train. A nightmare on (too few) wheels. |
A time traveller could be forgiven for thinking they had mistakenly landed in the wrong century, if they hopped on a local train service in parts of Cumbria.
I spend a large amount of my time waiting for Northern trains to arrive. Not because I actually want to catch one (more on that shortly), but because I’m waiting for the ever-lovely Mrs G to arrive. True, sitting in the car is an excellent opportunity to catch up on Twitter, the news and weather, sport, read a book, read the car manual or gaze into the middle distance.Theoretically, a quick shufti at the first item on that list should be interrupted by the choo-choo turning up. Unfortunately, it’s more likely to be the another read of the section on checking the oil level, or even contemplating the ingredients on a discarded sweet wrapper, so often are the trains delayed.
So far, so bad. Still – at least once you’re on-board, everything should be OK, right? Comfortable, light, clean trains, temperature controlled to perfection whisking you to your destination in comfort and style.
Except that isn’t true either. Some I’ve caught lately (and are apparently the norm) were in service around the time VHS became popular and Abba were number 1 all the time. I’ve even caught one that still had the slam-shut manual doors I remember from being a kid. I’d probably just been watching Swap Shop before I got on board.
Then there are the budget carriages from the 80s. I caught one to Skipton and was startled by how much it was like being on a bus. Because, effectively, it was a Leyland bus body on some train wheels. And not enough of those, either.
Anyone who has travelled on a ‘Pacer’ (oh, the irony), will be only too aware of the bumpy ride and screeching on corners, caused by only having 4 wheels on the coach. I tried to look at my phone, but couldn’t actually read it because of the vibration. The entire journey was also spent with full outdoor gear firmly done up, as it appears that other money-saving features included draughty doors, inefficient heating and an absence of insulation. Repainted a curious shade of purple on the inside, it at least complimented my red nose and blue fingers. Still, the conductor did have a nice new ticket machine. Hurrah.
The good news is that new trains are on the way! Well... new to this area anyway. A bit like getting hand-me-downs from your elder siblings, we’re due to get the cast-offs from other parts of the country when they upgrade.
How very exciting for the downtrodden Cumbrian commuter! Maybe they’ll come from the Southern part of the network, although the lack of many running down there at the moment may mean a significant delay before they arrive.
We regret to inform you that your train service improvements have been delayed for the foreseeable future. Please mind the gap between reasonable expectation and reality.
This post first appeared as my 'Thank grumpy it's Friday' column, in the North West Evening Mail, on the 13th of January 2017.
The version on their website retained my title, but the print edition was re-named "Sorry, I've lost track of time" with a page 2 teaser of "That'll be the delay!".
I was being, if anything, slightly restrained in my description of Northern's train services. A train we caught from Oxenholme to Skipton recently was bloody freezing and alarmingly bumpy. I must have spent hundreds of hours waiting at the station in our village for Mrs G's train to show up, and she's had to sit around in freezing stations waiting for trains that hardly ever seem to run on time.
And the crappy excuses! Signalling problems, train faults and 'staffing issues', including one thing being announced on the platform, and another when you're on the train. Dismal.
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| Back to the future! |
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