(National) Parklife

What’s a columnist to do when the Lake District National Park expands? Re-word a Britpop anthem, obviously.

If you’ve never heard Blur’s ‘Parklife’: a) You should – it’s great b) This isn’t going to make any sense at all. In honour of the Lake District getting a bit bigger this week, I’ve done what anyone would do under the circumstances, and changed the lyrics to fit the occasion.

Sorry, Blur...

Oi!
Expansion is a preference for the Cumbrian area of what is known as the National
Parklife
The A591’s the best route straight through what is known as
Parklife
Lake District just got 3% bigger, that’s 27 more square miles to love of hills and fells
Parklife
You can go out marching, head on down to Sizergh mate, get some exercise

Loads more people
300 people
They all now live inside
Side-by-side in their parklife
Know what I mean?

Lyth Valley’s open (except when flooded) where I get truly amazed by all the damsons
Parklife
I put my boots on, have a cup of tea and I think about Helsington Barrows
Parklife
I feed the Red Kites, I sometimes feed Bownessie too
Beatrix Potter brings the tourists in
Parklife
And then I'm happy, full of Kendal Mint Cake, there will always be a filling or two devoted to it

Loads more people
300 people
They all now live inside
Side-by-side in their parklife

Parklife
(National)
Parklife
(National)

It's got nothing to do with your Yorkshire Dales extension, you know?
Parklife (Parklife)
And it's not about the dry stones walls that go round and round and round
(Parklife) Parklife

Loads more people
300 people
They all now live inside
Lake District National… parklife

This post first appeared as my 'Thank grumpy it's Friday' column, in the North West Evening Mail, on the 5th of August 2016, where it was retitled as 'This column's just a walk in the park (life)'. It even featured a picture of the band with the caption "Its a Blur - Damon Albarn and chums"... probably because it was too short!

It'll help if you watch this, ignore the words onscreen, but read the column in you head at the same time...

As I wrote this, I became increasingly concerned that the paper would reject it as simply too weird. So, I took the unusual step of submitting it on Monday, and asking just that question, so I'd have time to write something more conventional if they weren't up for it.

No-one replied, so I re-sent it on Wednesday evening (deadline is Thursday lunchtime, but work means I effectively have to submit the night before) on the assumption there were no objections, and held my breath.

I did seriously consider filming myself performing this and putting it on Youtube, but there's enough misery in the world as it is, without me adding to it with my face, dreadful impersonation of a cockney accent (although I guess I should have considered doing it in a Cumbrian one, which would have maximised the offence) etc. Plus, do I really want that to be my legacy? Imagine if I went for a job interview, and they said "We looked you up on the internet, and found this..."

Anyway, in case all this has spoiled a genuinely great song for you, watch Blur's original below...

Now that's better, isn't it? Parklife!

(CD A-Z: An Eddy Grant compilation, called "Hits From The Frontline".)

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