Are you ready for the cinema pre-sequel reboot?

A quick look down the list of new films hitting your local flea pit this year proves you can’t get too much of a good thing. Apparently.

It does appear that a similar conversation took place in the senior executive offices of all the big Hollywood studios, something along these lines:

Big Exec: We need ideas! What do people like watching!

Underling: Um... well, er... I quite like Star Trek.

Big Exec: Great! Any of the original actors still alive? Never mind, we’ll make a new one, with new actors!

Underling: We... uh... already did that. Twice.

Big Exec: Great! We’ll do a sequel to the sequel to the original TV show.

Underling: There were about a dozen Star Trek films before tha...

Big Exec: NEXT IDEA! How about Dad’s Army!

Underling: What? Are you crazy?!

Big Exec: I’m on a roll! Star Wars! Batman vs Superman! Ghostbusters with ladies! Ker-ching!

Consequently, next time you’re ankle deep in discarded popcorn and groaning under the weight of an industrial bucket of the diet cola of your choice, you will more than likely be watching something comfortingly familiar but strangely new, like covering yourself in warm goose fat before taking a bath. Just me? Oh.

Whichever pre-sequel, prequel, reboot, reimagineered, re-make, homage or Director’s Cut you wind up gazing up at in awe (with or without your 3D specs), you won’t have to strain your brain too much trying to remember who the characters all are. In all probability, the plot shouldn’t be too tough to figure out either, as the studios seems pretty efficient at up-cycling their old ones, with a dash of extra green-screen magic and a liberal helping of cosy, crowd-pleasing, catch-phrases for good measure.

The only difficulty will occasionally be having to work out where you are in the story arc’s timeline. Is this before the 1st film, or after the 3rd? Didn’t he die in the last one?! Or was that the TV series? Who cares! Strap yourself in, take your hand off the person in the next seat’s knee (you’ve been warned about that), and enjoy the ride – there are plenty of blockbusters to choose from. Even if the simple premise of saying the film is “Generic Superhero Romp 3” has been discarded in favour of “Generic Superhero Romp Harder: Clash of the Stupendous Titans You Thought Died, Redux Reloaded” etc.

So go easy on the hot dogs, and get excited by X-Men Origins: Deadpool, get in the swing of things with Tarzan, cower at the apocalyptic Jungle Book (the trailer is darker than a coal miner’s underpants), or zoom down to another Zoolander – It’s time to go “Back to the Future” at the flicks. (Just hedging my bets there – bound to be another one of those along soon, along with Real Gone With The Wind: Back In The Breeze and Bonnie & Clyde’s Pre-School Adventures.)

Do say: “Encore!” Don’t say: “Hang on... haven’t we seen this one before..?”

This post first appeared as my "Thank grumpy it's Friday" column, in the North West Evening Mail, on the 12th of February 2016, where it was retitled as "Too much of a good thing?"

Not quite sure what's happened with the paper's website "Opinion" section - it's not been updated now for nearly a month, so I won't trouble you with a link. Can't quite remember why I did that anyway. Trying to get their stats up so they didn't drop me? Vanity? Meh.

We were going to see the Dad's Army film, but an overload of studying (which also explains the fact that I'm a week behind with posting this) and some lacklustre reviews led us to decide to hang on. TV, or the local community cinema sound like good options.

Seems to be plenty on TV to keep me happy at the moment... when I get time to watch it.

(CD A-Z - proper fanboy obscurity right now for the letter E - 12 Argentinian radio shows in MP3 format called "La Historia De E.L.O. Yup, that's Jeff Lynne dedication for you.)

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