Learning – the hard way

Studycat says: "Sod this for a game of soldiers!"

A productive day off work studying ; enjoying the solitude, researching on the internet, peace and quiet to concentrate. 

Well, that’s what I’d imagined it would be like, anyway.

It was a good idea – give my new studies a turbo boost by spending a day away from the office. Gentle music, a chance to really get under the skin of the subject and immerse myself in the intricacies and details, uninterrupted.

The elderly lady next door isn’t prone to loud bursts of heavy metal head-banging, or DIY shenanigans, and the house the other way up our terrace is empty.

It was to be me, several home-made cappuccinos, the computer and my little head being pumped full of big ideas, challenged by concepts and ultimately enriched ahead of an exam later in the year.

The universe had other plans for me, though. A double-technological whammy meant I spent a large part of the morning looking at my computer screen with a puzzled expression on my face, but not because I was grappling with grand concepts.

A recent upgrade to Windows 10, or possibly just a stray Gremlin out for a bit of fun on a Monday morning, had inexplicably rendered my web browser (the golden gateway to a universe of information) refusing to co-operate. After an eternity of help pages and swearing, I got onto the web ready to surf... only to find myself becalmed on a slow-moving ocean of information. Our resident broadband problem meant a trickle of data was coming in, making logging in to anything, let along searching, a process so slow that I could hear snails in the garden laughing and pointing.

Lunchtime arrived, and the only thing I’d managed to cultivate was a deep and vengeful annoyance towards technology. Luckily, a telecoms engineer arrived as scheduled, and another hour slipped by whilst he drank tea, and ran lots of tests.

Eventually, with my broadband finally living up to it’s name, I settled down to get my knowledge-fest back on track.

Then the people who own the empty house showed up, and started working on laying a patio. They had clearly decided to really go for it, and had one of those vibrating plate tamper things, that sounded like thunder and made my fillings rattle, to compress the stone chipping they laid with the aid of the wheelbarrow with the horrifyingly squeaky wheel.

And a cement mixer. I’m pretty sure they just put a brick in it and left in running for fun. It felt like it was in the room with me.

My reading matter was pretty heavy going, and with the attention span of a particularly feckless gnat, I realised I’d read the same bit half a dozen times, and still couldn’t recall any of it. And it was 5pm.

Next time, I’ll go and sit on a roundabout on one of the M6’s junctions – it’ll be quieter. Still, at least when I fail, I’ll have something to blame it on other than my own ineptitude.

This post first appeared as my "Thank grumpy it's Friday" column, in the North West Evening Mail, on the 18th of September 2015, where it was retitled as "How to study - the hard way". You can read the version used by the paper on their website here No comments have appeared so far, but at least that means that (presumably) Brian isn't too appalled by this one.

Slightly unusual genesis for this outing, in that it was actually written several weeks beforehand, to ensure I had a "banker" as I was away last weekend and through until Tuesday. Otherwise I would have had to cram in writing it on my return, along with studying and ensuring the washing machine was fed with underpants etc. No-one needs that kind of pressure.

I'm still finding studying very hard - the slightest thought entering my head distracts me, and any noise may as well be someone shouting "Oi! Nerd!" in my ear repeatedly, or wafting a fresh cappuccino and packet of chocolate HobNobs under my nose whilst waving a previously undiscovered ELO CD n front of my eyes (there aren't any, but try to image if there WAS!).

(Still on the Beatles CDs - currently enjoying the genuinely startling "Love" album. Authorised Fabs mash-up?! Thanks very much - don't mind if I do!)