grumpyf1

I had a lovely break – thanks for asking. Friends, family, pizza and industrial quantities of coffee. But oh, the trains... Planning our jaunt down to the Shires, we concluded that sitting in a traffic jam on the M6 was undesirable. “Let’s take the train!” we thought. Watching the countryside zip by, relaxing, reading a book – what could be better? Arrive unruffled and de-stressed. Our time away included the amusing delight of being told by my 6 year old niece I couldn’t be a fairy (or have wings) and had to be a troll instead – harsh but fair, I think you’ll agree. We also took in both Ikea and John Lewis in one day – I became kitchenware blind after the first three hours, and kept mumbling “Ooo - that’s a good idea” at inappropriate moments. But it was great, and we have a new bath mat. Before all that, we had the nightmare of a power failure between Lancaster and Preston. After two hours of travel, we’d only got as far as the former. Four hours in, we made it to the l...

Hello. I’m away on holiday right now – unless you’re a burglar. If so, I’m fetching the baseball bat I keep in the cellar and practising my swing. As I am enjoying some vaguely deserved time off, catching some sun and warmth in the south of Oxfordshire and bits of Hampshire, I’m clearly not able to write a newspaper column this week. (Whoever said “Nothing new there, then” I’m watching you.) Instead, this is the journalistic equivalent of that annoying “Out of Office” message you always seem to get when you email someone about something really urgent. In an effort to ensure the impossibly high standard of quality you have come to expect from me is retained, I’ve tried to cover as many news stories as possible in advance, leaving you with some multiple choice options to drop in to fit whatever has you hurling abuse and the cat at the TV this Friday night. For example, this one should set the scene nicely: What about that insert name here ? Honestly, isn’t it about time th...

2 races to go, and Lewis Hamilton might be about to become Formula 1 World Champion! All good in F1-land then, right? Er... no. As the teams and drivers prepare for this weekend’s Grand Prix in Brazil, the championship is finely balanced. British hero Lewis Hamilton knows the title can’t be decided at this penultimate race, but will go down to the wire in Abu Dhabi. A great result against his arch-rival Nico Rosberg this Sunday would, in any other year, guarantee his name being added for a second time to the list of World Champions. Unfortunately, someone thought it would be a good idea to award double points in the last race, so he’ll have to hang on for an extra couple of weeks. We should celebrate this – he’s a genuine star, and has even broken Nigel Mansell’s total of race wins to become the most successful British driver ever (even without the aid of a moustache the sporting regulations should probably have deemed “a moveable aerodynamic device”). But other events in...

On this most spooky of nights, I feel it my duty to warn you that the ghosts of entertainment past are back to haunt us... and they’re after our cash! BOO! Now that I’ve got your attention, there’s something you need to know about long-departed musicians and TV stars... they’re coming back from beyond the grave! WoOOooo! Thirty odd years ago, a typical teenage day for me would have involved quite a lot of rocking out to Queen and Pink Floyd albums, getting on down to a spot of Michael Jackson (if I was feeling funky, obviously) and, after tea, chuckling along to an episode of Dad’s Army. Right now, I can stick the radio on and hear new tunes from Freddie & Co (including one with MJ) and get all melancholy at Pink Floyd being poignant on a track from their new album. Impressive stuff, especially when you take into account how long it is since Freddie Mercury passed away (23 years!), that’s it’s been over five years since Jacko departed, and even the Floyd’s ace keyboardist,...