grumpyf1

An extra-long extension cable isn’t going to cut it, so how will National Grid get an abundance of energy across Morecambe Bay? With the possibility of a new nuclear power station popping up near Sellafield, there is the not inconsiderable problem of getting 3.4 Gigawatts of electricity out into the network. By my calculation, that’s roughly the same as having the kettle and the iron on at the same time (whilst using the toaster) multiplied by Wayne Rooney’s salary. Or “more than you want to test if it’s on by putting your wet finger on it”, as it is also known. The existing infrastructure isn’t up to it, and five years of having a jolly good think about it has resulted in National Grid coming up with a couple of electrifying ideas it rather amusingly calls “emerging preferences”. Or to put it another way: “We think you’re possibly going to be a bit angry about all this, and our PR department want to be clear it isn’t definite yet, so here’s some baffling Management-speak to ma...

When I was but a simple lad, train journeys were an adventure of I-Spy, crisps, conversation and maybe a book. Now all we seem to want is a decent wifi connection. It is already becoming difficult to remember a time before the “smart” phone, which alarmingly renders the era of mobile phones just being a calls and texts deal positively prehistoric. So rapidly have we become used to the idea that you can read an email, check the latest sports headlines (we didn’t win the Worlds Cup thing, apparently), watch an amusing kitten-themed video, or beat someone you’ve never met’s high score on Candy Crush, that the mere thought of a connectivity dead-zone leaves us bewildered, with no concept how to function without a live pipeline into the beating heart of the internet. Well, good news, web-heads! The nightmare of the signal dropping out on your train journey will soon(ish) be over. The government have announced plans to ensure a top-notch wifi signal on your choo-choo of choice, so...

Well, I think its fair to suggest that the placement of my newspaper column, next to THAT article, might have been slightly ill-considered...

At some point in the future, when I’m hugely famous and successful, I might regret some of my previous exploits. Especially those that made it onto the internet. Luckily for me, that shouldn’t be too much of a problem. The European Court of Justice recently ruled in favour of a webtastic ‘Right to forget’, meaning anyone can ask for links to information about them on the interweb to be removed. If there is no public interest in the content flagged up for the axe, search-behemoth Google have to comply. Mind you, when ‘public interest’ can be anything from “information about financial scams, professional malpractice, criminal convictions, or public conduct of government officials”, it would seem the option isn’t exactly going to be wide open to those who graze their herd on the “naughty” side of the fence. Google are less than chuffed. In their all-seeing eyes, this restricts the freedom of the web. Yes, the original item will still be there, it just won’t show up in searches....

When I was a spotty kid, a ZX81 was the cutting edge computing tech to have. When the Spectrum arrived, I assumed we’d peaked – surely nothing could be more advanced than that? Well, clearly I was so wide of the mark, I nearly tripped over it from the other side. We carry around way more computing power in our mobile phones than my youthful self could have ever imagined. In my teenage years, with early CD players appearing, I would sit in the pub and talk with friends about what it would be like if you could store all your music on a tiny, portable, device. Come to think of it, we should probably have copywrited that idea. Damn. My phone can pretty much do that too. And I can watch video on it, read books and actually use it to call people. The “Frankie Says Relax” T-shirt wearing me would be very impressed indeed. 20-something me borrowed an early laptop from work – it nearly broke my arm carrying it home on the bus. It’s hunger for 5 inch floppy disks (when they were a...